the fellowship and the elf next door
by Lamoo
Summary: A silly random waste of webspace that tells the tale of 4 hobbits, a king, and elf and a dwarf and their rather random, but very mundane, adventures. Legolas is bad tempered, Pippin fries technology, Gimli knits and eats rocks and Haldir lives next door.
1. Pikachu boxershorts and the 5am start

AN/ hey all. This is the beginning of a new fanficcy. Hopefully by the time I've finished writing it, it might have a name. Well, It is Friday and I am feeling rather hypo and rather bored, not a good combination, trust me.  
  
So I decided to write this, just some random thoughts that pop into my head every now and again.  
  
Alrighty here we go, and when I've finished I'm expecting lots of reviews.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Legolas Greenleaf was bored, very bored. As was Haldir. Both elves had spent the entire, 'fun filled' *cough cough* morning on the couch watching TV. The only problem with that was the only thing on seemed to be a 17 1/4 hour changing rooms marathon. (Either that or 'Flipper' *shudder*) As you could imagine, sitting in front of the box watching gay designers paint walls ghastly colours and fuss around with cushions could get mighty dull. But seeing how it was either that or clean up the kitchen both elves plonked themselves down in a very un-elven manner in front of the TV with some carrots (please, don't ask.) and some cornflakes.  
  
Aragorn was out of the house at a monopoly club meeting, Gandalf was busy downloading Sims skins on the internet (the wizard being absolutely obsessed with controlling his Sim's lives, seeing as he couldn't control anyone else's) Merry and Pippin were at Irish dancing lessons, Gimli was, well, no one really knew where Gimli was, (eating rocks or doing embroidery presumably). Frodo had been asleep all day and Sam was playing with his Barbies.  
  
Haldir lived in the house next door, but seeing as how he had no TV the elf came over to the fellowship's house everyday for meals and entertainment, often actually falling asleep on the kitchen or bathroom floor because he was so drunk. (Yes, he drank their alcohol too)  
  
This particular morning Haldir had appeared at the door at 5am (much to Legolas's annoyance) and demanded bacon and eggs. Legolas however would have been quite content to sleep another hour or two before getting up and having some muesli and fruit. But Haldir had pushed his way in and found Sam cooking for Frodo and making little cucumber sandwiches for his Barbie dolls. Sam had been delighted that someone actually wanted to eat his cooking and had dished up Haldir a very large plate of Bacon and Eggs.  
  
It wasn't everyday that someone would willingly eat the hobbit's fatty, greasy bacon or his eggs. Legolas was obsessed with health food and refused to eat anything even vaguely unhealthy, unless of course he was super happy (probably because someone *cough Aragorn cough* slipped happy pills into his herbal tea.) super drunk or super depressed. The elf would then go on junk food splurges eating anything and everything, impressing the hobbits greatly. As for Gimli he only ate rocks and dirt, Aragorn stayed away from the eggs (they gave him stomach aches), Gandalf never actually ate, except for the gum he picked off the bottom of tables and ate, Merry and Pippin preferred eating raw bacon (they could get it a lot faster) and Frodo ate napkins and belly button lint and drank toilet water. (As you can see the whole 'ring thing' did odd things to his head.) If Sam ever cooked the fellowship was usually force-fed the food, in Merry's case through a funnel.  
  
So, after a very unhealthy breakfast, which Legolas strongly disapproved of, both elves plonked down on the couch for some form of entertainment, Haldir wearing a pink nightie and fairy wings, Legolas in his Pikachu boxer shorts (Pippin had given them to him for Christmas and Legolas was afraid that if he didn't wear them pippin would tickle him, the elf was very, very ticklish.) Haldir dug into a box of cornflakes with a straw and Legolas munched on a carrot in a very rabbit like way.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
While Legolas and Haldir were zombies in front of changing rooms and the rest of the fellowship were at their various activities, Merry and Pippin were at Irish dancing lessons.  
  
Both hobbits laced up their shoes and stood in a line amongst an army of 8- year-old girls and waited for their teacher to show up. When she finally did Pippin could not help but break out in hysterics. Merry gasped when he saw the teacher.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ this was just a teaser, not sure whether to continue or not. Review and tell me. If I don't get any reviews I'm not going to continue.  
  
Anyway, assuming you will review I'm planning more stuff at Merry and Pippin's dancing lesson, Aragorn's monopoly club meeting and of course Legolas and Haldir's TV watching. We should also find out what Gandalf is up to and Sam and if Frodo is awake yet.  
  
Please review and if you get a minute, read my other fanfic, 'the visitors'.  
  
Bye Love Lamoo 


	2. Hobbits cant dance, and nor can Legolas

Hi there everyone! OMG!! I am so stoked! Reviews!! Thankyou everyone, your reviews mean everything! Thanks for reassuring me that this ficcy is worth writing. Ta!  
  
From now on, like I do in my other fics, I'm going to reply to all of your review comments. So here goes.  
  
Cotume: I hope you're still alive enough to read this chapter. Be prepared for more sillies!  
  
I am a Brandybuck: Happy to continue! Thanks for persuading me! Yes, there will be more about Merry and Pippin's dance lessons here, hope you enjoy it!  
  
Rin_LegoLuver: That's the main point of this ficcy, to be entertaining. As well as giving me something to do but lets not mention that.  
  
Anelith: more Frodo? You got it! I'm not particularly a Frodo fan but I'll put him in just for you! Enjoy!  
  
i_luv_elfie_bois: ooh yay! We're both somewhat evil! Enjoy this one! Thankyou!!  
  
Simbelmyrne: Please put your head back on. Without a head you wont be able to read this chapter!  
  
Limey Sugar: oh, oops. Maybe I should have picked a different TV show. well, to me it seemed like the least likely thing two elves would watch on a Sunday morning. (I myself would rather sleep) enjoy this chappie! More funnies for sure, and if your lucky some toilet humour. or not.  
  
Miranda@lotr.com: I agree completely. You do tend to get a bit bored if there are no regular updates. Hope you enjoy this chapter, your parents had better get used to you laughing at the computer screen! (  
  
Thankyou everybody! I have more reviews for the first chapter here than I got for the first 5 chapters for 'the visitors' and the first 3 of 'TMOLELHLL' (if you don't know what that is it's the misadventures of little elves, little humans and little Legolas')  
  
I am so happy; happy enough that I'm going to write the disclaimer then go and eat some sugar. Yum. Then I'll write this chapter! Wish me luck!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own Leggie, I own Leggie! Oh wait, that's just my overly active, sugar-induced imagination. Bother, I like that imagination. : p. Rest assured that if I did own Prince Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood no harm would befall him and if something did I would only be too pleased to kiss his boo boos better. I don't own anything mentioned here, none of the fellowship, Haldir nor changing rooms and other odd stuff mentioned in this fic. I do however own a big fluffy green cushion, a lava lamp and a pair of Pikachu boxer shorts. (Hey! They're cute! And pink. Hehe)  
  
Ok, Sugar, then Fanfic. wait, maybe I'll write first. Ok, here we go! (Oh by the way, I used to do Irish dancing so I know what I'm talking about!)  
  
The fellowship and the elf next door. Chapter 2  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Previously* While Legolas and Haldir were zombies in front of changing rooms and the rest of the fellowship were at their various activities, Merry and Pippin were at Irish dancing lessons.  
  
Both hobbits laced up their shoes and stood in a line amongst an army of 8- year-old girls and waited for their teacher to show up. When she finally did Pippin could not help but break out in hysterics. Merry gasped when he saw the teacher.  
  
"A DWARF?" Merry cried. The woman (well, Merry wasn't exactly sure) scowled and stomped over to the hobbit.  
  
"Is there a problem shortie?" she asked the terrified Merry.  
  
Merry shook his head hastily. "No sir," he said. "Ma'am" Merry corrected himself after a fierce glare from the dwarf woman.  
  
"Good," she replied. "Ok Girls, line up over there and get ready for you warm up!" she said, emphasizing the word 'girls'. Stomping over to the CD player in a very pissed state (one which reminded Merry of Legolas that day when Frodo stole his skipping rope.) the teacher pressed a button and the music began.  
  
Pippin gulped when he saw the girls begin their warm up, a very fast jig like dance. To a normal person it would have been very simple but do not forget Pippin was not the brightest light bulb in the box. And not very co- ordinated either.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??!!" Barked the teacher. Pippin jumped and tried to copy what the other students were doing. Unfortunately for the hobbit the only thing he managed to do was end up on the floor with a very bruised behind and very sore feet. (Merry kept treading on them, not to mention the shoes!!)  
  
"Thankyou girls, excellent warm up. Now we can move onto more serious things." The teacher said, her tone more kindly towards her other students.  
  
"More serious things?" Merry squeaked and turned to Pippin. "Pippin?" Merry said to his friend only to discover the other hobbit was out cold on the studio floor.  
  
"Why me?" Merry thought to himself as he was forced to line up behind the other students for another dance.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Damn phone," muttered Frodo as he was dragged from his lovely soft bed with pink sheets to answer the bloody phone.  
  
Trudging out into the kitchen to answer the phone, which no doubt was Aragorn calling because he had parked his car (fluro green with butterflies on the side) in a no parking zone so now it had been towed and he needed a ride home. Every Sunday this happened, you'd think Aragorn might have learnt by now not to park his car in the middle of the local football ground, but to Frodo it appeared so otherwise.  
  
"Frodo, phone," yelled Legolas from the living room, the elf still glued to the lounge eating his carrots, absent mindedley changing TV channels.  
  
"Stupid elf," muttered the hobbit.  
  
"I heard that!" yelled Legolas in reply.  
  
"That was the idea," replied Frodo as he picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, Frodo? It's Aragorn."  
  
"Oh," Frodo replied lamely, until an idea struck him.  
  
"Sorry, we don't have any Frodos at this number, nor do we know any Aragorns, wrong number" he said and threw the receiver back on the hook.  
  
Frodo was actually quite pleased with his efforts until the phone rung again. Rolling his eyes the hobbit trudged back to bed, letting Legolas answer the phone. It continued to ring and the elf showed no signs of moving from the pink and white striped couch.  
  
"Legolas, phone for you," Frodo said and went back to bed, bumping into Sam on the way. The other hobbit pushing a doll's stroller with about 10 Barbies seated quite obscurely in it.  
  
"Hello Mr Frodo," Sam said cheerfully, "hows about some breakfast?" he asked.  
  
"No thanks Sam." Frodo said and pushed his way past his friend.  
  
Sam shrugged and ran to answer the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello? Is there a Legolas Greenleaf at this number?" a female voice asked.  
  
"Uh, yea. Who is calling?" Sam replied.  
  
"His mother. And if you don't mind I'd like a word with him concerning ballet shoes and a tutu."  
  
Sam gulped. "Lego, phone for you." He yelled out to the elf, who was busy wrestling Haldir to the floor, hitting the other elf with the cornflakes box.  
  
"Who is it?" Legolas asked, flinching as Haldir elbowed him in the ribs. Legolas got his own back by kicking the other elf where male elves just should not be kicked.  
  
"Your mother," Sam replied.  
  
Legolas gulped and left Haldir to roll around in pain on the living room floor. Picking up the phone hesitantly the elf spoke.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Leggie darling, it's mummy,"  
  
"Oh, hi." Legolas replied. There was suddenly a whole lot of snickering coming from the phone. "GANDALF! Put the other phone down now!" Legolas yelled into the receiver. There was a yelp coming from Gandalf's room down the hall and Legolas heard the other phone being hung up.  
  
"Who was that Leggsie?"  
  
"Um, the plumber," Legolas replied lamely.  
  
"Oh, he sounds nice. Now Legolas Greenleaf I heard you're not doing much with yourself these days so I enrolled you in ballet lessons." Legolas didn't hear any more of that conversation, dropping the receiver and screaming.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Knit one, pearl one, knit one, pearl one." Gimli muttered to himself. The dwarf had decided to take up a new hobby, knitting. He was making his axe a beanie and a matching scarf in a ghastly salmon pink and was rather pleased with his efforts thus far.  
  
There was suddenly a scream from the kitchen and Gimli abandoned his knitting to see what Haldir had done this time. Pulling on his canary yellow dressing gown and matching slippers Gimli hurried out into the kitchen. There was suddenly a loud clang and the screaming stopped.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Aragorn scowled and hung up. He had been trying to reach the fellowship's house for ten minutes now but obviously someone was on the phone. (Perhaps Glorifindel ringing to borrow money or Arwen calling to find out where Aragorn was.)  
  
Sighing in an exasperated sort of way Aragorn plonked down on the pavement and watched as his beloved car was towed. Why did it happen like this every week? Every Sunday Aragorn went to his weekly monopoly club meeting, where Elrond was president, and his car was towed from one end of town to the other. Every weekend he called and every weekend the fellowship refused to come and pick him up.  
  
Sighing again Aragorn decided to get up and have some ice cream. Earning himself some odd looks from passers by Aragorn continued up the street towards the ice cream parlour.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC.  
  
AN/ oh dear, sorry all. That chapter was really bad. Not very funny at all. ( but I promise the next one will be.  
  
Hope you continue reading despite my pitiful attempts at being funny. Bye, off to write a chapter for my other fan fics!  
  
Love Lamoo 


	3. gum, feraris and saucepans

AN/ here's another chapter! I'm very proud of myself. I thought I was just writing this ficcy for the sake of it because I was bored of my other ones but I'm actually enjoying writing this one much more than the others.  
  
Thankies for the reviews. I seriously can't believe you people actually read this!! Thankyou a million times!  
  
Achoo: your commanding words have persuaded me to keep writing. Have fun playing with your Sims.  
  
Cotume: Glad you think my story is funny in some ways. I didn't.: S be prepared for a plot twist.enjoy!  
  
Bant: Thanks for the review! Poor, poor Leggie, don't worry, nothing too hideous will happen to him. unless I'm feeling super evil. mwa haa haa  
  
LegolasLover2003: I'll join too. Let me know if you desperately want to see the ballet, there is a serious plot twist in this chapter that no one will be expecting.  
  
Sammie-Chan: How excellent are you? You have read and reviewed all of my ficcys and I luv it! Thankyou sooooooo *takes a breath* oooooooooo much! Canary Yellow, *shudder*  
  
Saturndragon: I for one WOULD pay to see Legolas in a tutu, or tights. Hehe. Enjoy this chappie,  
  
Thankyou for all your wonderful reviews! I'm gonna start writing in a minute, right after the disclaimer.  
  
Disclaimer: LOTR does not belong to me. I wish it did but sadly it does not. Just think how badly I would dement it if I did own LOTR, I see some punk elves and hobbits with green hair. Perhaps not.  
  
Sometime soon there will be a party. If you want a cameo please review. If you want to come to the party all you have to do is tell me what costume you would like. Ta! (Am I the only person who ever says ta?)  
  
Ok, Chapter Three underway! Enjoy! Be prepared for a serious twist!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*Previously*  
  
Aragorn scowled and hung up. He had been trying to reach the fellowship's house for ten minutes now but obviously someone was on the phone. (Perhaps Glorifindel ringing to borrow money or Arwen calling to find out where Aragorn was.)  
  
Sighing in an exasperated sort of way Aragorn plonked down on the pavement and watched as his beloved car was towed. Why did it happen like this every week? Every Sunday Aragorn went to his weekly monopoly club meeting, where Elrond was president, and his car was towed from one end of town to the other. Every weekend he called and every weekend the fellowship refused to come and pick him up.  
  
Sighing again Aragorn decided to get up and have some ice cream. Earning himself some odd looks from passers by Aragorn continued up the street towards the ice cream parlour.  
  
Looking around for a can to kick Aragorn spied something very interesting in a drain. A $100 note!  
  
"Hehe, I'm in the money now!" the ranger thought to himself as he got down on his hands and knees and tried to work out a way to get the note out of the drain.  
  
Now Aragorn was not the nearly as thick as Gandalf was but he was certainly no genius. Without thinking the ranger thrust his arm into the small space between the gutter and the grate. Chuckling to himself the ranger got a hold of the money and went to pull his arm back out, only to discover it was stuck.  
  
Swearing quite loudly Aragorn tried to get his arm unstuck. Most people would just lift up the grate but Aragorn had not thought of that yet.  
  
There was a toot and Aragorn turned around to see Galadriel park her car about 5 meters away. Her swan car that looked quite a lot like a boat. Perhaps that was because it was a boat with some dodgy wheels stuck on. Anyway, the elf got out of her car and skipped over to where Aragorn was on his knees with his arm stuck in the drain.  
  
"Whatcha Doin?" Galadriel asked, resembling a small child in the way she spoke. Or perhaps it was the lollipop that gave that impression.  
  
Aragorn groaned. "Dancing around the bathroom drinking beer in an elephant costume," he said sarcastically.  
  
Before he could continue Galadriel broke in. "Oh, that sounds fun, can I play too?" she asked, obviously not getting the sarcasm. "No, really, what are you doing?"  
  
"Trying to get my arm out of the drain," hissed Aragorn. "I found 100 bucks and cant reach it." He added. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, I was gazing at my complexion in my mirror." Galadriel began  
  
"Mirror?"  
  
"The toilet bowl, when I saw your car be picked up by a tow truck and taken to the scrap yard. I was coming down to laugh at you then I saw you licking the gutter." The elf said, as easily as if this was what she did every weekend.  
  
"Oh." Was Aragorn's only reply. "Well seeing as how you're here now could you help me get my arm out?" he asked.  
  
"What's in it for me?" Galadriel asked.  
  
"I'll buy you a lollipop?" Aragorn offered.  
  
"Oh goody!" squealed the elf and she took a hold of Aragorn and pulled. With no more than a scream and a bit of pain or too Aragorn sat back panting on the sidewalk clutching his arm. He wouldn't have minded had he managed to keep a hold of the money.  
  
"How are we going to get it now?" Galadriel asked, popping a piece of gum into her mouth.  
  
A thought suddenly struck Aragorn. It hurt. "Can I have some gum?" he asked the elf garbed in white. (Lets not mention the gravy stain on the front of her dress and the mud along the bottom.)  
  
"Why?" Galadriel asked.  
  
"Cos I have an idea," Aragorn replied.  
  
"K," she said and handed Aragorn a piece of gum.  
  
The ranger put the pink, sticky goo into his mouth and chewed it for a bit before rummaging through his pockets. Finally he found something that might help and emptied his pockets. They contained. A small green squeaky cow, some oatmeal cookies, (The only kind that Legolas would allow in the house) A few paper clips, a mirror, some knitting wool, a few rocks, some monopoly money (his secret stash in case Elrond was beating him), an old lollipop that was covered in fluff and lint, an elastic band, a few other items and a pin cushion.  
  
Picking out the wool, a paperclip and the small squeaky cow Aragorn tossed the rest back into his pockets. Tying the wool to the paperclip the ranger then stuck his already very well chewed gum onto the paperclip and lowered it down into the drain.  
  
"What's the cow for?" Galadriel asked.  
  
"Oh nothing," Aragorn replied, trying to concentrate on sticking his gum to the $100. "I just like to have some support when I'm doing stuff. Moo Moo here makes great company."  
  
The elf raised her eyebrows. "Ohhkaay."  
  
Suddenly a bus drove past and splashed both elf and ranger with muddy water.  
  
"Damn!" Aragorn hissed in frustration as the gum fell off the paperclip. "Stupid money, you win!" he shouted to the note lying in the bottom of the drain. "I'm going home. Galadriel, could you give me a lift?"  
  
Looking around Aragorn waved his fist angrily as the swan boat/car sped off in the opposite direction. "Stupid elf." Muttered the ranger as he strode over to the bus shelter to wait for the next bus.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The activities in the house that morning had been fairly different from Aragorn's episode with the money in the drain.  
  
Gimli stomped out into the kitchen to see what the entire racket was about, and who had hit whom. The dwarf could not, however, help but laugh as he saw a blonde figure in Pikachu boxer shorts out cold on the kitchen floor.  
  
"What did he do this time?" Gimli asked Haldir, the elf trying to hide the frying pan he was holding.  
  
Haldir shrugged. "He was making too much noise," Haldir responded.  
  
Gimli shook his head and looked around the kitchen. The phone was still dangling off the cord, a female voice still talking, not realising the speaker was unconscious.  
  
Frodo groaned and picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello? Sorry, Legolas is currently not available." Frodo said, trying to sound professional. "He was hit over the head with a frying pan and is currently unconscious, please call back later." And with that Frodo hung up.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
On the other line Legolas's 'mother' laughed hysterically, also hanging up.  
  
"Good one Elladan," snickered Arwen, hi-fiving her brother. "Did he suspect anything?"  
  
Elladan shook his head, his body still racked with laughter. Finally regaining his breath the elf spoke. "Nope, stupid blonde." He said, still not believing Legolas had actually thought he was his mother.  
  
Elrohir smiled and picked up the phone, preparing for another prank phone call.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Things for Merry and Pippin were not going quite so well. Pippin too had fainted from sheer exhaustion and was propped up against the back wall. Merry too would have gladly collapsed but he was too terrified of what that evil dwarf woman would do to him if he slacked off. Probably make him wear high heeled shoes *shudder* or worse, WATCH THE ANIMATED LORD OF THE RINGS!!! (Pure evil, evil I tell you!)  
  
This sheer fear was more than enough to keep Merry upright and the rest of the lesson went fairly smoothly. Apart from the countless times the teacher had barked at Merry, telling him he was doing everything wrong or ordering him to do something such as demonstrate his pathetic dance efforts to the entire class.  
  
By the end of the class all the girls were having fits of giggling, Pippin had woken up with a splitting headache and Merry's feet felt like they were about to fall off.  
  
Dragging Pippin with him Merry gathered up their things and made his way out to the car.  
  
Digging through his pockets to find the car keys Merry yanked them out, only to drop them in a very deep, muddy puddle.  
  
"Damn, Pippin, you get the keys," Merry said to his friend.  
  
Pippin was too pooped to care so he splashed his hand into the puddle and pulled out the very wet, muddy keys. Merry snatched them off him and unlocked the car. It was actually Legolas's car but seeing as how the elf had had his drivers licence cancelled on account of an incident involving some salami, an old lady and speeding, he wasn't allowed to drive. (Not a little thing like having no licence actually stopped him.)  
  
Merry opened the door to the elf's prized red Ferrari (yes, the elf was the only member of the fellowship that had a good car. He was not, however, the world's best driver) and pulled the pile of phone books out from under the seat. Plonking them on the seat the hobbit climbed on top and pulled Pippin in after him. It was Pippin's job to push the acceleration pedals and the brake when Merry told him to so the hobbit sat on the floor.  
  
Seat belts were bucked and Turning the key the car roared to life. "Pippin put your foot down!" yelled Merry and the red Ferrari went speeding off towards the fellowship's home.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ hehe. Did everyone like the little plot twist? Don't worry, might still have some ballet. Legolas doesn't know it wasn't his mummy (yes, I am Australian. Sorry but 'Mommy' annoys me so much) so he might still have to go.  
  
In the next chapter we'll see what happens when Legolas wakes up and if Aragorn misses the bus. I could go on for a while but I don't want to give anything away.  
  
Bye Please Review! I don't really need to write this cos I know all you wonderful readers will. (  
  
Toodles Love Lamoo 


	4. party party, and burnt backsides

AN/ Hey everyone! I'm really enjoying writing this ficcy. Hope you all enjoy reading it! I have nothing to do today, so being bored; I decided to write another chapter. Yay!  
  
Reviews! My Favourite Part!  
  
Mondo: hey chumazoid! Sorry I didn't put in you comment in the last chapter. I only read it once I had finished the last chapter and put it up a day or two ago. About your enquiry, Gimli? In a tutu? Funny, but I'm afraid it might scar me for life. Our fav dwarf was wearing a dressing gown cos he was in his boxers and no body wants to see a dwarf topless. icky. Synchronised swimming (yes, I used the spell checker, he he). hmm, gives me an idea. Ta! Glad my tall, blonde beautiful friend is enjoying reading this! See u at hockey!  
  
LotRseer3350: Glad you like this so far. To tell the truth I haven't seen the whole of the animated LOTR, I've seen the beginning bit, up to about Rivendell and I've just heard the rest of it was really, really bad. Enjoy this chapter! More random sillies guaranteed!  
  
petethespider: As I said to LotRseer3350, I haven't actually seen the whole thing. I do have to agree with you about Boromir's helmet. What's with it?! Here is your little update, hope you enjoy it!  
  
Midnight: You wish is my command! *Bows low*. Enjoy!  
  
Cotume: Weird twist wasn't it! I still cant bare to believe poor old Leggie believed silly E & E either. Elrohir and Elladan must just be very clever! About the car, Hey! With a red Ferrari sports car would a little thing like having no licence stop you from driving it? Glad you liked that bit. Be prepared for awful things to happen to the red car. Animated LOTR, *shudder*. Over gesturing wizards, hmm, I definitely DON'T want to see the rest of the animated LOTR now. Glad you think this is funny because I seriously do not. Anyway, enjoy!  
  
Anelith: Legolas in tights. *drool drool* he he. I am officially a fangirl now! (Well, I sorta have been from the beginning) Yay! He he. What do you think of Legolas going to a fancy dress party as a teabag? That way he could show off his lovely legs.  
  
By the way people, you wanna come to the party? Don't forget to tell me what costume you want! Everyone who has already reviewed gets an automatic invitation. The only thing they have to do is either email me at deckiedog@hotmail.com or tell me in you review for this chapter what they want to come as.  
  
Disclaimer: LOTR does not belong to me and unless you want to deprive me of my very important cheese on toast please don't sue. Everything recognisable belongs to Mr Tolkien and I hope his ghost does not haunt me for wonking up all his characters.  
  
On we go! Not going to say what else is in this chapter, you'll have to read to find out. Before I start I apologise for all my spelling and grammar stuff ups, my fault, please don't throw things at me! When you're done reading don't forget to review!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Previously in 'the fellowship and the elf next door' Legolas was out cold on the kitchen floor after a very cheeky phone call from his 'mother'. Gimli is wondering what the heck he did this time. Aragorn is waiting for a bus and Merry and Pippin are driving Legolas's Ferrari. What could possible happen?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Aragorn swung his legs to and fro. The ranger was sitting on a bench waiting for the next bus. Every now and again one would pull up but it always seemed to be going to the same place, the football grounds. Aragorn loved watching the footy but didn't need to be reminded of what happened to his car that morning.  
  
Eventually a bus did arrive. Aragorn stood up and hopped on.  
  
"Where to?" asked the driver.  
  
"Peppermint squares road?" Aragorn replied, pulling out his pink, fluffy change purse so he could pay the bus driver.  
  
"That'll be $3.60," the driver said. Aragorn nodded then began counting out $3.60 in 5c pieces. (AN/ The author is from Sydney and we don't have anything smaller than a 5c coin. Don't like it? Tough.)  
  
Five minutes later, Aragorn finally sat down and the bus lurched froward. He had accidentally dropped his purse and his collection of small change had spilt all over the floor of the bus. The ranger had insisted on picking up every last coin, counting and recounting them to make sure he want short 20c or something, before the bus would move.  
  
Luckily he wasn't short 20c and all the passengers on the bus were very thankful when the bus started moving again.  
  
Sitting down in the last remaining seat Aragorn sighed and gazed out the window. Not really paying attention to his surroundings (he was too busy picking the gum of the seat of his pants) the ranger was startled when a bright red Ferrari convertible came speeding past. Taking a second look at the car the ranger chucked when he saw the number plate. 'GLO WRM.' That was definitely Legolas's car. Especially since it had a sticker on the back saying 'Prince O' Mirkwood is in da house!' And another saying 'I eat Hobbits.' Among a large collection of Green peace stickers. Music was blaring really loud and Aragorn had a good look when the bus pulled up along side the Ferrari. Legolas often did a lot of unexpected things with his car but one thing Aragorn wasn't expecting was to see a hobbit in the front seat.  
  
The hobbit turned around and waved to Aragorn. He then took off his sunglasses. Aragorn almost fainted from shock. It was one thing that Merry was actually driving a car. But Legolas's car? Aragorn didn't want to think about what the elf would do should something happen to his beloved car.  
  
Gulping Aragorn looked away from the red convertible and tried to focus his attention on something else.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud crash and the slam of brakes. Loud yelling erupted and the blaring 'duff duff' music that Merry was so fond of stopped.  
  
Aragorn slammed his fist into his forehead. "Crap."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I think he's coming round." Said a voice.  
  
Legolas felt rather dizzy and could not remember what had happened. He couldn't really remember where he was either. In fact he couldn't even remember who he was! Hey, you'd feel that way too if Haldir hit you with a frying pan.  
  
The room began coming into focus and Legolas suddenly remembered why he was lying on the floor with a throbbing headache and a dull ring in his ears.  
  
"HALDIR!!" Roared the elf, springing to his feet only to fall down again in quite an ungraceful manner.  
  
Haldir squealed and climbed onto the kitchen bench. Legolas stood up rather woozily and grabbed the nearest object ready to hit the other elf with. (Which so happened to be the toaster) Haldir squealed again and squirmed across the bench top away from Legolas. Unfortunately for him, Sam had conveniently left the stove on. The elf walked right onto it and, well, I'll let you imagine what you will.  
  
It happened with Legolas falling over a few more times, swearing a lot, Haldir doing a whole lot of girlish squealing, more swearing on Legolas's part, a pot of boiling water and the stove. Haldir ended up on the floor screaming in pain. Not many elves are accustomed to being hit with a toaster then falling backwards onto a hot stove. Poor old Haldir ended up with burnt hands and the map of Australia burnt on his backside. Legolas had been laughing so hard he had accidentally walked into the doorframe and was out cold again.  
  
Shaking his head Frodo swore under his breath. "How dare they say I'm crazy?" he said to himself before fetching some ice out of the freezer for Haldir's burns.  
  
Haldir was bouncing around the kitchen screaming and sobbing. Finally giving up, Frodo sent the elf back to his house to deal with his burns by himself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It took a long longer for Legolas to come around this time so Gimli helped Frodo and Sam lug the elf's unconscious, Pikachu boxer shorts clad form onto the couch. They would have taken him to his room so he'd be out of sight but he was far to heavy for Gimli and the hobbits to move far (even though elves are light by nature, Gimli, Frodo and Sam weren't exactly very strong). Gandalf could easily have lifted and carried the elf (being taller and all) but throughout the whole incident Gandalf sat to the side eating popcorn and occasionally cheering on Legolas, the elf not needing any more encouragement to ferociously maim and kill the other elf.  
  
"Can we have a party?" Gandalf abruptly broke in. His question was met with a fierce glare from Gimli, an equally irritated one from Frodo and a confused, but happy look from Sam.  
  
"Party! Party! Party!" Sam sung over and over again until both Frodo and Gimli wanted to hit the hobbit with something. The rolling pin would do just nicely.  
  
"Sam," Frodo began, trying to keep his temper. "Shut up,"  
  
The look on poor Sam's face was of one who takes deep offence in something. The hobbits bottom lip began to tremble and his eyes started to well up.  
  
"Fine, fine, we'll have a party!" Gimli said, also wanting to avoid one of Sam's tantrums.  
  
"Goody goody gumdrops!" giggled Sam as he and Gandalf spun around excitedly holding hands.  
  
"Uh, okaaay." Remarked Frodo, backing away a bit then deciding to go outside and dig a hole in his sandpit.  
  
Gimli shook his head and left Gandalf and Sam to plan the party while he finished his knitting.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ sorry, that chapter was a little on the short side. If you want to some to the party all you have to do is review and tell me what costume you want to wear. Bye  
  
Hope you all enjoyed this one Toodles Love Lamoo 


	5. happy pills and Gandalf's lists

AN/ Hey all! So happy, go so many reviews. Very glad you guys are liking this story.  
  
bYay! Reviews! My favourite part!b  
  
bCharli-sanb: You really think its funny. *Raises eyebrows in surprise* well, if you think so. Get my email? You want to be black and sparkly? Alrighty then, black and sparkly you shall be. *Waves magic wand and Charli- san appears in glittery black clothes. * Enjoy this chappie!  
  
bMidnight:b cool chappie? Wow, I am so flattered! ( Thanks heaps. You want to come to the party? All u have to do is tell what you want to wear! Enjoy this one!  
  
bElfFreak41b: I too would pay HUGE sums of money. Elf. yum. Ok, back to reality now, sorta. Anyway, you wanna come to the party? I would have emailed you back about it but you didn't leave your email address in you last review. Doesn't matter; just tell me what you want to wear in your next review. (You are planning on reviewing again aren't you?!) Glad you're enjoying reading!  
  
bLegolasLover2003b: pretty brief review but a review none the less. Thanks for taking the time. Coming to the party?  
  
bHollyb: here is the elf with the badges. I like that idea, wonder what happens when Pippin discovers that pins are pointy. Hehe. Thanks for that! You want more fight scenes? All right then, just for you. (And I secretly agree with you, shh, don't tell. But Legolas kicks everyone's butts, ALL THE TIME!!) Hope you enjoy this one.  
  
bsaturndragonb: wow, will you look at that! Pikachu is the dj! Good luck trying to walk around with the tail. Hehe. Glad you liked the phone call. Seemed a bit silly. Just the sort of thing out silly elf would believe. The same elf that has the good car. Be prepared for Merry and Pippin having to suffer Legolas's wrath when he finds out they wrecked his car. oops, did I give away too much?  
  
bAnelithb: Of course you can come to the party! Don't forget to bring your dancing shoes! Oh yea, you also have to tell me what you want to wear. The teabag costume came from me thinking about Leggie's legs (lame pun intended). Thought if he came as a herbal teabag he could show em off. Hehe. Enjoy this chapter, should be better than the last. or not.  
  
bDragonfightb: tell all your muses that there should be heaps more updates coming, I'm on a roll. In my opinion, the more trouble your muses cause the better. But with your gun, try not to shoot hobbits, not very nice and Leggie would be oh so sad of his lil hobbit buddies died.  
  
bHex Of The Unseelieb: yay! Hex! I really luv Ballad for all. Pity this lil bit of mindless dribble could never be as good! Uh oh, I only just remembered last night about the LOTComrades party. Hope you don't mind me having one as well. Don't worry, it'll be VERY different, maybe even a slumber party! Hehe. If this party business bothers you at all PLEASE let me know, as fabulous as your work is, I don't want to copy it. Penguin costume? Ok, *waves magic wand* there you go.  
  
bOddwenb: hehe, cool name! Glad you like this. Galadriel is a bit on the odd side in my opinion, but that's what makes her interesting. Hehe. Don't get too attached to the Ferrari, going to get a bit smashed up. Wont hurt the hobbits tho. oops, I just gave heaps away! By the way, u want to come to the party? Just review this chapter and tell me ure costume! The more the merrier! And yes, I like mud, very muddy. Wish it was blue though. Hehe.  
  
bTamarab: yay! Thankies so much for taking the time to read and review my ficcy! Means so much! Glad you think its somewhat amusing, more sillies to come!  
  
Hey everyone! If you're in the mood for some excellent fics, check out my favourites list. Especially stuff by Hex of the Unseelie. Check out 'song for none', 'song for nought' and the third part of the story, which is underway 'ballad for all'. Hex's Lord of the Friends and Lord of the Comrades are also really good! In fact, all the stories on my fav's list are worth a read. I'm a little annoyed tho; stupid ff.net would only let me have 30! I could go on forever.  
  
Well, I think it's about time I stopped blabbing or my notes are going to be longer than this whole chapter!  
  
bDisclaimer:b I own the green squeaky cow, a few paperclips, a pair of Pikachu boxer shorts and a green peace sticker. I do NOT own any of Mr Tolkien's wonderful characters (or his not so wonderful) but I do own (is own the right word?) the idea, I own Legolas's teabag!! Hehe. I'm not making any cash from this ficcy and it is purely for my own enjoyment, and hopefully yours.  
  
bIAlrightio then, here is chapter five! (5)Ib  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Previously in 'the fellowship and the elf next door,' Haldir has a burnt bum, Aragorn is finally ON the bus, Merry and Pippin have most likely smashed up Legolas's car, Gandalf and Sam are planning a party, Legolas is unconscious (again) and Frodo thinks everyone is insane. More sillies to come plus our party! This chapter is the last opportunity to get your invitation to the party; I'm planning to start writing it next.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"You alright Pip?" Merry said. There was movement from under seat and Merry felt very relieved when Pippin popped his head out.  
  
"I can't feel my tail," Pippin broke in.  
  
Merry raised an eyebrow. "Pip, you don't have a tail." He said, hopping out of the now smashed up Ferrari. Pippin had fallen asleep on the accelerator and the red convertible had collided with a tow-truck. (You know, the ones that tow cars, not ones with toes in the back, icky) The engine was steaming and the bonnet was so crunched up it looked like it had deliberately been folded. Not to mention the shattered windscreen glass and the broken mirrors.  
  
"Just great Pip, you do know what that stupid elf is going to do to us now?" Merry said, quite pissed off.  
  
Pippin squirmed out from under the seat and climbed out of the very damaged Ferrari. "No Merry but I suspect it might be a bit on the painful side." The hobbit replied.  
  
Merry examined the damaged vehicle. "We don't know the meaning of pain." He said, shaking his head.  
  
Suddenly the tow-truck driver came over and started yelling abusive things at the two shocked hobbits. Both only having heard these words before when Legolas or Aragorn were swearing at Haldir. (Not that that ever happened *looks around nervously*)  
  
Another tow-truck had to be called to tow the smashed up Ferrari and another for the smashed up tow-truck.  
  
Merry sat down on the sidewalk glumly. "So that's why they never gave us our drivers licences."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Soon after the whole car incident Frodo received a phone call from Pippin, asking him to pick him and Merry up. Frodo didn't mind giving his cousins a lift, especially since he felt sorry for them. Frodo had only ever been on the receiving end of one of Legolas's angry screaming fits a few times before and those few times he had erased from memory because they were too horrible to remember. The hobbit knew what Merry and Pippin where in for when they got home and the elf came to. So he grabbed his keys from the kitchen bench and strolled outside to his orange mini.  
  
Jamming the keys into the ignition it took Frodo about five minutes to get his butter box started. When the engine did make a noise that was vaguely recognisable Frodo drove into town, hardly able to see over the steering wheel, honking the horn to let people know he was coming.  
  
Suddenly his mobile rang and Frodo was forced to dig through the mess on the front seat to find it. Without crashing the hobbit finally dug out his phone and answered it. It was Pippin.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi Frodo, It's Pip,"  
  
"Oh, hi,"  
  
"Just thought you might need to know where to pick Merry and me up."  
  
"Uh huh,"  
  
"Well, we're at the bus stop on the corner of the Aunduin highway and Brandywine road."  
  
Frodo nodded; surprised that Pippin had actually managed to give clear direction. "Ok Pip, see you in a bit." Frodo said and hung up, turning on the radio while he drove. Eventually the hobbit gave up, his radio reception absolute crap so he decided to sing.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Merry looked up from a particularly interesting bit of concrete and smiled when, in the distance he saw a little orange mini putputing along at about 12 km/h (AN/ sorry, no miles, don't know the correct conversion. THINK SLOW!), Frodo at the wheel, the hobbits curly head (Legolas called it a bird's nest) just visible above the steering wheel.  
  
Finally Frodo pulled up and Merry and Pippin climbed into the back of the car.  
  
"Thanks heaps Frodo," said Pippin, buckling his seatbelt.  
  
"No problem," Frodo replied, turning a corner, nearly running over a girl scout who was helping an old lady cross the road. "Besides," the hobbit continued. "You guys have to put up with Blondie when we get home," with that Frodo laughed rather evilly causing Merry and Pippin to glance at each other, wondering if their friend was sane or not.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gandalf and Sam were sitting at the kitchen table planning their party.  
  
So far the guest list was as followed, the fellowship, Arwen (they might need some female company besides that of fan girls and the author) Elrond, Elrodan and Ellahir, Galadriel (she made good cake), Celeborn, Lamoo, the insane author who threatened to tickle Sam if she was not invited to this party, Charli-san, a random person Aragorn had met buying black clothes, another random elf by the name of Holly, who had been secretly stalking Legolas for the past year, notorious for her badge collection, Anelith, a pretty elf who worked at the hairdressers where Legolas got his hair done, Dragonflight, a rebel with a gun, (a bit scary in Pippin's opinion. But then again, to Pippin, green cheese was scary) and her muses, CF and Loki, Hex (AN/ hope you don't mind me shortening it,) the penguin. She wasn't really a penguin, she only liked dressing up as one; Hex was another crazy fanfiction addict, probably the one who had got Lamoo so addicted, and some other random people. Oh yes, and Saturndragon aka Pikachu, the DJ.  
  
Sam smiled and put down his pen. Glancing over to see what Gandalf had written. The hobbit nodded when he read Gandalf's list. It was a list of things for the party but Sam didn't think they would really need fart putty. (Unless of course Gandalf was thinking of shoving it into Legolas's hair)  
  
There was a groan from the couch and Sam saw Legolas stand woozily to his feet, rubbing his forehead.  
  
"What happened?" the elf asked, staggering over to the kitchen table and taking a seat across from Gandalf.  
  
"Haldir hit you on..." Gandalf began but yelped when Sam kicked him under the table.  
  
"Haldir went home, nothing happened, it was a dream," Sam finished hastily.  
  
Legolas seemed to accept this but continued rubbing his sore head. "Then why does my head hurt so much?" he asked.  
  
Gandalf and Sam glanced at each other before Sam answered. "You fell out of bed,"  
  
Legolas nodded and got up to take some aspirin to keep his throbbing headache at bay. "Where's Frodo? And Gimli?" he inquired, gulping down some water.  
  
"Frodo's gone to pick up Merry and Pippin and Gimli's in his room, knitting." Gandalf replied, his pen in his mouth. The wizard suddenly made a horrible face and spat out a whole lot of blue ink into the sink. "Pen leaked," he said, tossing the offending piece of stationary into the fruit bowl.  
  
"We're having a party," Sam remarked, scribbling out a name on his list then re-writing it at the top of the piece of pink floral notepaper. "Gonna be a fancy dress party too," he added  
  
Legolas raised his eyebrows and wobbled over to open the fridge. Inspecting the contents of it, the elf pulled out the orange juice and poured himself a glass. "Where exactly are you planning on having this party?" Legolas asked, moping up the juice he spilled all over the bench.  
  
"Here of course!" Sam replied, grinning like an idiot. "Next weekend!"  
  
"Who's coming?" Legolas suddenly asked, worried that millions of fan girls would sabotage their nice house.  
  
"Only the fellowship, Arwen, Elrond, the twins, Galadriel, Celeborn, some other people, Lamoo." Gandalf began.  
  
"Who the heck is Lamoo?" Legolas asked, plonking back down in his seat.  
  
Lamoo suddenly strode into the kitchen much to everyone's surprise and put her hands on her hips. "Me, the author!" she said, stealing a sip of Legolas's orange juice. Sighing, Lamoo sat down next to Legolas. "You know, the insane one? The creator of this insane spoof?!" she practically yelled.  
  
"Oh, you." Gandalf said, sounding very bored.  
  
"Yes! Me!" Lamoo replied, annoyed that she didn't have any importance in this fic. "I'm going to leave you lot alone now," she said, realising the elf, the wizard and the hobbit sitting at the kitchen table were all growing bored of her presence, and huffed out of the kitchen.  
  
"Glad she's gone," said Legolas, pouring his remaining juice down the sink. Sam and Gandalf nodded in agreement and thrust a list of things into Legolas's hand. "What's this?" the elf asked, looking at the list.  
  
"List of stuff we need for the party," Sam replied, looking very pleased with himself.  
  
"And you are giving it to me because?"  
  
"You have a car,"  
  
"Correction, Merry has my car, I can't drive my car because of that stupid old lady and her pet salami that I accidentally squashed."  
  
"You were speeding,"  
  
"Is it my fault that the stupid old bat didn't hear me coming? And how was I supposed to know the speed limit was 60!"  
  
"The signs that say the speed limit is 60?"  
  
"That's not the point!" Legolas said furiously, stamping his foot. "Wait a minute, did you say Frodo went to pick up Merry and Pippin?"  
  
"Uh, yea," Gandalf replied dumbly.  
  
"But why would they need picking up? Merry has my car!!" the elf screamed, not wanting to think about what the hobbits had done to his car, preferring to brood over plans of revenge.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
About an hour later Aragorn arrived home, the bus dropping him just outside the house. The ranger slumped inside and went straight to the fridge. Pulling out a can of beer he collapsed in front of the TV and turned on the cricket. (AN/ yes, cricket. You know? That boring game where the fielding team stands out in the sun all day while the batter guy hits balls everywhere?)  
  
"Took your time getting home," remarked Legolas dropping down on the couch next to Aragorn.  
  
"I know, my car was towed, then I found $100 bucks down a drain but couldn't get it then I had to catch the bus. Then there was a crash and traffic was really bad and now finally I can watch the game," The ranger said, ending with a loud belch.  
  
"Disgusting," remarked the elf, rolling his eyes.  
  
There was a screech outside and Merry and Pippin appeared at the door with Frodo coming in behind them. Legolas stood up and went over to the two guilty looking hobbits.  
  
"I hope you didn't scratch the car," he said, trying to sound casual.  
  
Merry and Pippin exchanged worried glances before Pippin spoke. "No, we didn't exactly scratch it." He began, only just noticing how tall Legolas was and thinking how either he or Merry were likely to be in plaster after Legolas was finished with them. Although he was pretty skinny, the elf could restrain Aragorn or even Arwen if he needed to.  
  
"Maybe you should sit down," suggested Frodo pushing the elf into the kitchen, where he could easily reach a rolling pin if he needed to defend himself.  
  
Legolas plonked down on a kitchen stool and nodded, trying to keep his temper.  
  
Merry gulped glanced at Pippin, the other hobbit poised to run. "Aragorn, Gimli, could you please come here for a minute?" Merry yelled out into the lounge room. Aragorn appeared behind Gimli and their eyebrows rose when Pippin whispered into their ears.  
  
Merry took a deep breath and spoke, "Legolas, your car is in the scrap yard. It sorta crashed." He squeaked.  
  
"WHAT!!!??" the elf yelled, rising to his feet. Aragorn and Gimli quickly leapt up to restrain the elf as Merry and Pippin made a run for it.  
  
Frodo rushed over and made the elf a cup of very strong herbal tea, slipping a few bright blue pills into the steaming brew. The hobbit placed the cup on the table in front of the elf and made sure he drank it. Aragorn and Gimli held the elf's hands behind his back, Gandalf conjured ropes from somewhere to tie Legolas to the seat and Frodo forced the steaming liquid down the elf's throat.  
  
After the tea Legolas was in a very odd mood. Quite happy actually, but that could have been because those bright blue pills Frodo had slipped into the tea were anti depressants a.k.a. Happy pills. The elf was laughing hysterically so everyone left him tied to the chair for an hour or two, Legolas happy to talk to himself.  
  
The fellowship, now with Merry and Pippin, who had come out of hiding, gathered in the lounge room, Aragorn and Gandalf sitting on the lounge, Gimli on Haldir's pink fluffy bean bag and the hobbits on the floor.  
  
"You serious?" Aragorn asked Sam. The hobbit and Gandalf had just finished telling the fellowship, minus the elf, about their party plans. Everyone agreed that it would be fun and set about planning their costumes.  
  
Merry was going to come as a cowboy, Pippin as a fairy, wings and all. Frodo wanted to come as Cleopatra and Sam was determined to dress up as a purple jellybean. Aragorn planned on coming as a chicken, Gandalf was coming as a mermaid but Gimli's costume was a mystery. The dwarf refusing point blank to give anything away.  
  
After a short time Legolas emerged from the kitchen, untied from the chair, much more sober. The elf shoved Gimli off the beanbag and flopped down on top of it. "I've been thinking," he began  
  
Aragorn snickered. "Did it hurt?" he asked.  
  
"What a lame joke," Broke in Lamoo in one of her random appearances.  
  
"Go away," winged Pippin. "You made us crash Legolas's dammed car,"  
  
Lamoo shrugged and disappeared.  
  
"Anyway," Legolas continued, choosing to ignore Aragorn's comment. "I've decided I'm coming to the party as a teabag," he said and the fellowship burst out in laughter, much to elf's annoyance.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
bTBCb  
  
iAN/ and the fellowship's all together again! Except Boromir, cos he's kinda dead. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this chapter, much longer than usually, you don't mind do you?i  
  
IDon't forget to review! This chapter is your last chance to get your invitation to the party! There are already heaps of people so you have to be quick!I  
  
bIReview, review, review!Ib  
  
Byesies! Love Lamoo 


	6. fan girls and trolley crashes

AN/ ello ello ello peoples. How are we all today? In the mood for another chapter of 'the fellowship and the elf next door'? Yes? Then aren't you lucky. Here's another one! Enjoy it peoples!  
  
Yay! Guess what! 63 reviews!! So happy! Thankyou so much people! You make my day!  
  
Angel1: very happy you liked it. Of course you can come to the party, but only cos your special! ( What do you want to come as?  
  
LotRseer3350: you like longer chapters? That's good! Cos there should me more on the way. What made you think you didn't get to come to the party? Of course you can! Anya it is! If you really want Arwen to be on anti depressants too then that she shall be! *Waves magic wand* are you coming to the party as a fairy of as a vaguely normal person?  
  
Mad-jai ferret: what on earth possessed you to be a ferret? Doesn't matter. I know that my guest list is a little long but sure I can squeeze you in, fellow ninja. The more the merrier!  
  
Petethespider: your very much welcome! Yes, I do like ravioli, it is very yummy. I know exactly how you feel when silly people never update things, (bit rich coming from me seeing as how I haven't updated my other fic in about a month but that's not the point) Insane asylum? Wow, we have so much in common! Enjoy this update!  
  
Phishykiss: I don't really need more people for the party but if you'd like to come it would be great. Which colour do you want to come as? He he, nah, just tell me your costume.  
  
Achoo: how can you come as Gimli's costume when even bIb don't know what it is yet? He he, enjoy this chappie!  
  
Anelith: you don't mind being a hairdresser do you? You get to play with Leggie's lovely hair! If you want to be a tiger than a tiger you shall be. Enjoy this chappie.  
  
Rin-LegoLuver: don't mind updating at all! This one should make you laugh, or not. Enjoy it anyway.  
  
Legolas stalker: cool name! Well, no, not all Australians are cool, mostly stupid grown ups that do dumb things. But of course all Australian teenagers on sugar highs are cool. or not. Your friend sounds cool tho. Give me half a second and I'd be very happy to read your story, onion rings are yummy!  
  
Tamara: heres another pesky update, don't laugh too hard, you might explode.  
  
Midnight: oh dam, we lose more reviewers that way! Please reincarnate yourself or something cos dead people cant read fanfiction!  
  
Saturndragon: you and your pikachu costume are both very welcome. If the fellowship don't like karaoke that's just too bad for them!  
  
Hex of the unseelie: very glad your ok with the party. That made me feel sooooo much better! More craziness to come!  
  
Tegz: yay! You reviewed! Hope you're liking this fic; personally I like it much more than the visitors, much funnier. We now have entertainment for this party! I dub thee our personal magician.  
  
Dragonflight: Glad you and your muses are happy. Loki, Gimli has a stash of peppers in the cupboard. About you party! I'd love to come!! Sounds very cool!  
  
Nomad: very random aren't I?! You want some random appearances too? Plenty for everyone! You want to be a glow worm? Hmm, have to make sure I have plenty of spare light bulbs.  
  
disclaimer. Much to my dismay, I don't have any elves tied up in my wardrobe. Rest assured that if I did no harm would befall them, the only problem with that is I don't own any of wonderful Mr Tolkien's stuff, let alone his elves. I'm not making any profit from this bit of mindless dribble so please don't sue, unless you want to deprive me of my precious red liquorish.  
  
Before I start, there will be a few more chapters before the party, the fellowship has to go shopping and buy balloons and chips (yummy)  
  
Alrighty then peoples, here is chapter six! Enjoy  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Previously in 'the fellowship and the elf next door,' Gandalf and Sam wrote some lists, Gimli's party costume was a complete mystery and Legolas discovered what really happened to his car.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"You're not going to make me change my mind, I'm coming as a tea bag. A herbal one. You can't make me go as something else." Legolas said stubbornly, folding his arms.  
  
Aragorn rolled his eyes. "The fan girls might," he said simply.  
  
Legolas's eyes widened and the look on his face was one of paranoia and distress. "Who invited them!?" The elf asked, suddenly in the mood for some more happy pills.  
  
Gandalf and Sam shared worried glances and hesitantly put up their hands.  
  
"Which ones did you invite!?" Legolas asked, worried that the stupid wizard and his annoying hobbit sidekick had invited someone like, like, Lamoo!  
  
"Uh," Sam began but Aragorn snatched the guest list off of him.  
  
"Holly, Tegz, our magician, saturndragon the dj, Achoo,"  
  
"Bless you,"  
  
I didn't sneeze. Anyway, Angel1, Meg, (AN? Do you mind me calling you Meg? Easier to type), Ferret, um, Anelith," Aragorn began.  
  
"Wait who's Anelith?" The elf enquired.  
  
"The elf at the hairdressers,"  
  
"Oh, the pretty one who bleaches my hair?"  
  
"You bleach your hair?" Frodo butted in.  
  
Legolas gave Frodo a stare that could kill and the hobbit shrank back into the corner.  
  
"Good point Lego, I didn't know you got your hair beached." Aragorn said.  
  
"Didn't you ever wonder why my hair is so blonde? Of course it's bleached you idiot! My hair is brown! Haven't you ever noticed the eyebrows?" The elf yelled, waving his arms madly and gesturing to his dark eyebrows. "And don't call me Lego or I might just hit you with the toaster!" he added, scowling.  
  
"Okaay," Pippin said. "Aragorn, who else is coming to this party?" the hobbit said, deciding to change the subject.  
  
Aragorn looked at the bit of crumpled paper and read out a few more names. "Arwen, Elrond, the twins, some other people, Charli-san, LotRseer3350, otherwise known as Anya, um, dragonflight and her muses, Loki and CF, Hex of the unseelie," the ranger said.  
  
"What's a muse?" Merry asked but his question was only answered with a shrug from Aragorn.  
  
"Dunno. Nellie and, uh oh, Lamoo." Aragorn glanced around the room. "How many did you invite?!"  
  
"Not very many!" Gandalf replied,  
  
Gimli didn't seem to mind the bit about Lamoo (he could always make her shut up, she was VERY ticklish) so he spoke up. "Who's this Nellie person, and all the other people for that matter?" he asked.  
  
Aragorn shrugged.  
  
Legolas sighed. "Nellie is that stupid author's friend from school and I'm guessing all the other people are sad souls who read about our pathetic lives," he said, now feeling utterly miserable.  
  
"How do you know?" inquired Frodo.  
  
The elf sighed again. "Cos I caught Lamoo and this Nellie person in the backyard yesterday, in Merry and Pippin's tree house, scheming." He said. "Oh," was the only reply Gimli could come up with.  
  
"Lego,"  
  
"What?" Legolas replied, quite irritated that Aragorn insisted on using his childhood nickname.  
  
"What are we going to feed all these people?" Aragorn inquired. Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam all nodded in agreement. The only point of a party was to eat, in their opinion anyway.  
  
"How should I know? Ask the wizard and his annoying sidekick, it's their party!" the elf replied angrily.  
  
"I think we need to go shopping," Gimli said, standing up to fetch his handbag.  
  
Everyone nodded and went to get their things, or in Legolas's case, put some clothes on (he was still in his boxers)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Seeing as how they only had one car now (Bits of Legolas's beloved Ferrari were either in the scrap yard or scattered all over the road, Aragorn's had been towed, Gimli couldn't drive and Frodo's butter box mini had died as soon as he pulled into the driveway) the whole fellowship crammed into Gandalf's purple hippie van (for those people who want the proper name it's a VW combie, I think).  
  
Gandalf desperately wanted to drive but Aragorn and Legolas together forced the wizard into his booster seat in the back, gagging him so he couldn't complain.  
  
Aragorn decided he'd better drive seeing as how Legolas's licence was no longer in existence, so he slid into the seat and waited for the rest of the fellowship to take their seats.  
  
Gandalf was in the far back next to a very frightened looking Frodo and Pippin, the hobbit winging that he needed to go to the bathroom again. Merry, Sam and Gimli sat in the middle, seatbelts done up, Gimli clutching his pink shiny handbag. Aragorn revved up the engine just as Legolas climbed into his seat next to Aragorn and closed the door with a i'slam'i.  
  
"Remind me why we're taking this lot?" Legolas remarked, doing up his seatbelt (clever elf, yes, he might speed and squash salamis but he always wears his seatbelt)  
  
"Because they'll go mental if we come back with low fat Lembas chips and diet soft drink." The ranger replied, turning the steering wheel and rolling his eyes as he saw Gimli, and Sam squash poor Merry into the corner.  
  
Legolas nodded and turned on the radio, wrinkling his nose and fiddling with the buttons trying to get a decent station. The elf groaned and gave up. The only thing Gandalf's car's radio seemed to play was classical music! (AN/ ahhh! Horrible I tell you!) Very bad classical music at that.  
  
Finally the fellowship arrived at the shopping centre and Aragorn eventually managed to find a parking space. He wasn't the world's best driver and accidentally clipped the side of the car next to him, leaving a long scratch along the side.  
  
"Oh well," he said to himself, unbuckling his seatbelt and climbing out of the car.  
  
As soon as they were out of the car the hobbits made a run for it, hurrying inside the mall, presumably towards the McDonalds situated on level three. Gimli grumbled and sort of 'fell' out of his seat, picking himself up the dwarf followed the hobbits inside.  
  
Legolas shrugged and helped Aragorn untie Gandalf from his seat in the back. The wizard emerged giggling and he trotted into the mall, followed by the ranger and an elf that was in need of some sane companionship.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"And this, and this, and this," Sam said, grabbing assorted things off shelves. After quite a bit of difficulty Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn had managed to drag the hobbits away from the noodle bar and Gandalf away from the vacuum cleaner store. The fellowship wandered down the isles of the supermarket, Aragorn pushing the trolley with the food in it, Legolas pushing one with hobbits in it. Frodo, Merry and Pippin were all seated comfortably in the elf's trolley and were happy to be pushed about.  
  
Elves do not tire easily but lugging three hobbits about was beginning to tell on Legolas. Finally he had had enough and picked up the hobbits, one by one, and dumped them on the floor before climbing into the trolley himself.  
  
"Push me!" the elf demanded. Aragorn groaned and left Gandalf to push the trolley filled with lollies and chips and deodorant for some reason (Aragorn guessed Legolas had put them there as a hint to Gimli and Gandalf. It did not occur to the ranger that Legolas had picked out the strongest smelling deodorants for him.)  
  
Aragorn moved over and gave Legolas's trolley a strong push, which sent it cascading down the isle and crashing into some poor defenceless person.  
  
"Carp." Aragorn swore.  
  
"Carp? I though carp was a fish,"  
  
Aragorn gave Pippin an irked glare and went to see who he had hit with the speeding trolley containing the elf. Two girls, an elf and a trolley were heaped in a pile on the supermarket floor.  
  
The ranger pulled Legolas roughly off the pair and gasped, dropping the elf back onto the pile of twisted metal. The two girls stood up and brushed the standard supermarket dust off their clothes, grinning like idiots.  
  
Both appeared to be in their young teens, one had blonde hair, the other brown, both were wearing 'I Love LOTR' T-shirts, their trolley laden with Cadbury chocolate, mainly the 'snack' one and fruit and nut. (AN/ for those people who are wondering why I'm writing this, in Australia, Cadbury had a promotion where you could win stuff by buying the chocolate with the LOTR people on it. The snack one had Legolas on it and the fruit and nut had Pippin I think,)  
  
The blonde one spoke up, "We hoped we'd meet you guys here" she said, throwing another chocolate into their trolley.  
  
"Huh? Do I know you?" Aragorn asked, a bit scared of this blonde girl, who happened to also have a sheep on her shirt. (AN/ bah! Nellie, you know exactly what I'm talking about!)  
  
"You!!" Legolas yelled, pointing in horror to the girl standing next to the blonde.  
  
"Yes, me!" Lamoo said, grinning evilly. "And Nellie." The blonde, presumably Nellie, waved.  
  
"We're buying stuff for your party," Nellie said.  
  
"How did you know we were having one?!" inquired Pippin, appearing next to Aragorn.  
  
Lamoo shrugged. "I wrote this fic, remember?" she said, tossing a bottle of 7up into her trolley (AN/ yes, 7up had a picture of Legolas on it too,) "Sorry, gotta go and plan more evil things to do to you" Lamoo added, she and Nellie giving Legolas a quick hug before disappearing into thin air with their trolley full of chocolate and lemonade.  
  
"Is it just me or didn't they pay for that," Frodo said, raising and eyebrow.  
  
"Shut up Frodo," Legolas growled, busy trying to work out how to disinfect his clothes. Fan girl germs, yuck!  
  
The fellowship, now with their food-laden trolley filed over to the checkout.  
  
Legolas left the others to unpack the trolley onto the counter and went to chat up the checkout chick.  
  
"Hi there beautiful," he said in his most gorgeous, seductive voice.  
  
The checkout chick was busy playing with her curly blonde hair and zapping the fellowships purchases over the checkout zappy thingy. The girl looked up. Legolas did not get a chance to see if she was pretty or not because Frodo screamed and started to have fit. Sam rushed to his side but Frodo pushed the other hobbit away.  
  
His pupils dilating, the hobbit pointed at the girl and screamed. "YOU!!"  
  
"Easy there Mr Frodo," Sam said, trying to reassure his master that this checkout chick was not someone evil. "It's ok Mr Frodo, its only a girl, not Gollum or anything," he said, after all, how could this blonde checkout chick be someone like Gollum? Gollum was dead. Or was he.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
TBC  
  
Hehehe, guess who this checkout chick is? Who knew Legolas bleached his hair! Well, Anelith did, she's the one who bleached it! Hehehe. Did everyone like this chapter?  
  
Sorry, I can't really accept anymore party invitation requests; I've sorta got a pretty full list. Thankyou everyone!  
  
Next chappie should be up soon  
  
Love Lamoo  
  
Ps. did everyone like my cameo appearances? Hehe. 


	7. checkout chick and feathers

AN/ here I am again, typing up this piece of mindless dribble that you guys seem to enjoy so much. I seriously can't believe I have 73+ reviews! I am so stoked!  
  
Mr Bean: hello hello! Been wondering if you'd read this or not! Glad you like it. About your word. stupid word. Besides it was Frodo saying. sue him! You should be flattered that I chose to use your word. He he. Oh yea, saw the Matrix today and I can officially say the LOTR is better.  
  
Tamara: the party chapter (s) might take a little while. The fellowship still need to make their costumes and stuff! Enjoy this update!  
  
Anthem: glad you think this is funny, written to be entertaining! About the carp, it was a typo and I was too lazy to fix it, so I went along with it. Hehe, just for the record, ive never actually eaten carp. hmm.  
  
Meg: you're very much welcome! Glad you wanted to come to out little party! Enjoy this update!  
  
Dragonflight: *sighs and pulls pepper out of the cupboard. Hands it to Loki and smiles. * Hope you don't mind that I sorta messed with everyone's personalities; besides, it wouldn't be as funny if Legolas was perfectly in character. What's funny about a VERY handsome natural blonde who is perfectly calm at all times? (As much as I love that elf, it was funny to mess with him) Chapter 10? Ok, I'll do that now. Actually, I think I might read the whole thing. I don't know a thing about Zoids but I'll give it a read anyway. Very honoured to be your guest of honour! *Jumps up and down* thankyou thankyou thankyou! *Bites into the imported chocolate* yummy!  
  
Irishancest: sorry about that, but I really DO NOT like classical music. Sorry if I kinda offended you. On a lighter note glad you like this story!  
  
Jayden: oopsies, I made you cry. Don't worry; Leggie is just as gorgeous with brown hair I'm sure! ( I can't really accept any more requests for the party. but, seeing as how I'm very happy you reviewed, you can come, but only coz you're special!  
  
Kiss the Fame: Really like the idea about Legolas and the ketchup bottle, that sounds really funny. Normally, once I tell everyone that no more people can come, that's it. but, as I said to Jayden, I can squeeze you in too, but only cos you left such a nice review! I am so flattered that you think me intelligent; I don't get those comments very often! Lol! Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
  
Achoo: veddy bad it is! Not quite to my taste! Don't worry, there shouldn't be any classical, or J-lo at the party, unless out pikachu dj decides to be evil. Hehe. Enjoy this chapter!  
  
LotRseer3350: don't forget to bring your dancing shoes to the party! Of course you can chase the hobbits in a mad frenzy! The crazier the better! Sorry about the classical music bit, its not quite to my taste, erm, ok, I hate it. but that's just my opinion. Very cool that you play the violin, I have about as much musical talent as a river pebble! More random appearances by people! Maybe you if you're lucky! Enjoy this one! Oh yea, you're welcome; your story really well written! Very cute too! Write more!!  
  
Hex of the Unseelie: sorry, checkout chick isn't Sauron. But you definitely wouldn't expect to see this person in a blonde wig working at Woolworth's (AN/ supermarket chain here in Aus.) Legolas and his bloody hair! Why blonde? Well, I suppose its better than icky, mousy poo brown, like my hair. Hehe, I want pink hair! Pink!!  
  
Holly: doesn't really bother me which chapter you review, providing you do. I love reviews!! It's always so nice to see all these wonderful little messages in your inbox! Ok, I'm gonna stop rambling. soon. No Leggie wasn't hurt, I don't think. Besides, he was too shocked seeing me! Mwa haa haa!  
  
Legolas stalker: what? I'm sure I got you on the party list. Did you review before? *Shrug* oh well, you can come now. What do you wanna come as? There was a Legolas action figure from burger king?! Damn! We only got stupid little monster thingies, I want a Legolas thingy!! I love reviewing things! Nearly as much as I like getting em! You're very welcome! Write more!! We needs more!!!  
  
Saturndragon: sorry, I have to keep Gimli's costume a secret. It will make it heaps funnier when the party comes around. Don't worry though, I might give out little hints, the fellowship still needs to finish their party shopping. As for me, I was thinking of coming as a gherkin! Hehe, or not. I really don't have much idea, give me some ideas!!  
  
Wow! If I'm not careful these review comments will be longer than this chapter! Nah! Never!  
  
Disclaimer: Lamoo: "Mwa haa haa! Middle earth is mine! Mine mine mine!"  
Tolkien: "Ahem,"  
Lamoo: "Who the heck are you?"  
Tolkien: *Rolls eyes* Never mind  
Lamoo: "K" *Shrugs*  
  
As anyone can see, this would never happen! I don't own Lord of the Rings! As much as I would like to, I don't. Get the picture?  
  
Ok, I'd better stop rambling now and get on with the fic. Here is chapter 7!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Previously in 'the fellowship and the elf next door', the fellowship went shopping, Lamoo made some random appearances, Legolas's trolley crashed and Frodo screamed at the checkout chick.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"YOU!!" Frodo continued to scream. Aragorn rolled his eyes and put his hands over his ears. Legolas did the same, his sensitive elven ears throbbing and burning.  
  
Sam, Merry and Pippin pounced on Frodo; Pippin grabbed the nearest packet of marshmallows and stuffed them, packet and all, into Frodo's mouth. The hobbit stopped screaming and the others got a look at the checkout chick, which turned out to be.  
  
"Gollum!?"  
  
"Yes *sob* it is us," the pathetic creature wailed.  
  
Legolas blinked and rubbed his eyes. "What did you do to your hair!" he said, not believing that this was the same, hairless, bulging eyed creature he had seen in Mirkwood cowering in front of him wearing a lime green boob tube, denim mini skirt and a curly blonde wig.  
  
"Oh, you likes it precious?" Gollum said, cheering up a bit. "We gets it done at the salon, nice elf called Anelith does it precious!"  
  
"Are you kidding? Can't you see your complexion is all wrong for blonde hair?!"  
  
"You thinks so? We wanted to see if blondeses really do have more fun"  
  
"I suppose,"  
  
"Uh, guys? Sorry to break up your hair talk, but we have more shopping to do." Broke in Aragorn, just as Legolas and Smeagol were starting to talk more comfortably with one another.  
  
Legolas nodded and picked up a few bags of things and followed the rest of the fellowship back towards the car. Smeagol waved and turned to serve the next customer. Pippin doubled back just as the next person began to load her purchases up on the counter.  
  
"Uh, Smeagol?"  
  
"Whats does it want? What does the hobbit want?"  
  
"Uh, we're having a party next weekend, you wanna come?" Pippin asked.  
  
Gollum squealed with delight and twirled his finger around one of his oh so fake curls. "Can we brings a friend?" he asked.  
  
Pippin shrugged. "I guess so, who?"  
  
"Precious? Want to come?" Gollum seemed to ask himself.  
  
He grinned and nodded. "We'd Luvs to! We sees you next Saturdays then?"  
  
"Ok," Pippin said and turned to leave.  
  
Gollum smiled and turned to serve the girl who was patiently waiting to be served.  
  
"Hello, we welcomes you to Woolworth's."  
  
"Uh hi." Said the girl as she started to load her purchases onto the counter. "Heard there's a party next weekend," Emi Lou said.  
  
"Yesss, and we'ss is goings precious!"  
  
Emi Lou nodded. "Where is this so called party?" she asked.  
  
"Fellowship's house we supposes." Gollum replied, pushing some buttons on the cash register.  
  
"Right, Saturday night?" Emi Lou asked, now determined she was going to somehow get into this party.  
  
Smeagol nodded and pressed a button. "That'll be $16.45."  
  
Emi Lou nodded and rummaged through her purse. She handed Gollum the money and picked up her bags. As soon as she walked out of the shop she sat down on a bench and laughed evilly.  
  
"When's the party?" a voice asked. Jayden popped her head out of the pot plant she was hiding behind.  
  
Emi Lou grinned at her companion. "Next Saturday," she said and laughed. Jayden beamed and sat down on the bench next to Emi Lou and helped her eat her supply of chocolate bullets.  
  
(AN/ hope you two liked your cameo appearances. At the moment the fellowship doesn't even know who you are. But believe me, they will. *Cackles evilly*)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Back at the car, Aragorn was having a little difficulty squishing all the fellowship's purchases into the boot. (AN/ the 'trunk' of your car for all you American people who call that thingy at the back of the car where you put stuff a 'trunk'. Don't know why it's called a boot, or a trunk. Please bear with me!) Gandalf had left his golf clubs there so there was hardly any room for anything else. (Unless you felt like jamming Pippin in the boot! Which might I add, Gimli often did.)  
  
The fellowship eventually managed to squash their things in the car and they all headed back into the mall to buy the things they would need for their costumes.  
  
They all dawdled into the craft store. Legolas went to find suitable fabric to make a teabag costume out of, Gimli went looking for yellow wool, and Aragorn was looking for feathers. As for the hobbits, Pippin was buying some glitter and cardboard to make his fairy wand out of, Merry was looking for rope and Sam was trying to work out how the hell he was going to make a jelly bean costume.  
  
Frodo was browsing, looking for anything that might resemble black eyeliner for his Cleopatra outfit when he noticed a hobbit watching him.  
  
"Uh, hello," Frodo said politely.  
  
The girl grinned and bounced over to where Frodo was standing. "Hi, I'm Anya," she said very enthusiastically.  
  
"Hi I'm Frodo,"  
  
"I know," Anya retorted. "I see you around all the time,"  
  
"That's funny, I've never really seen you,"  
  
Frodo suddenly felt a little uncomfortable under Anya's piercing gaze. Picking up a few random things Frodo headed over to see what the rest of the fellowship were up to. (AN/ yes I know, in your fic, Anya is Frodo's sister. In this fic I am afraid Frodo has no siblings so we can just pretend that Anya likes to stalk the hobbits or something)  
  
"Bye Frodo! See you at the party!" Anya yelled after Frodo.  
  
The hobbit stopped dead in his tracks and dropped his armful of items. "Party?"  
  
"Yea! Sam invited me! Bye!" Anya said and moved off in the other direction.  
  
Frodo gulped and wandered over towards where Merry and Pippin were arguing over something or other.  
  
"Found what you need?" Merry asked, selecting some brown fabric that would do nicely for his cowboy waistcoat.  
  
Frodo sighed. "More than that," he said glumly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Which do you think is better?" Gimli asked Gandalf, holding up two samples of Fabric. Both were a greeny suede kind of fabric and Gandalf was sure he had seen garments of that colour somewhere before.  
  
"Not sure, what are you dressing up as?" asked the wizard, putting his hands on his hips.  
  
Gimli frowned but decided to tell Gandalf anyway. The wizard bent down and grinned when Gimli whispered into his ear.  
  
"That one," Gandalf said, pointing to the material in Gimli's left hand. "You might need brown too,"  
  
The dwarf nodded and carried his purchases over to the counter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Aragorn was loading his basket up with packets of yellow feathers when Legolas appeared beside him, holding some white fabric, wire, some yellow cardboard and some rope among other things (boring stuff like glue and thread).  
  
"What's that for?" Aragorn asked the elf, gesturing to the yellow cardboard.  
  
"Oh, don't teabags always have that little cardboardy thingo on the end? I figured my teabag should too." Legolas replied, smiling.  
  
Aragorn nodded, shrugged and he and Legolas went to pay for their items.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Soon after, the whole fellowship strode out of the store, arms full of bags and such. All were investigating each other's parcels and Legolas was quite puzzled by Gimli's purchases. Inside the dwarf's bag there was a whole lot of yellow wool, some green and brown fabric, black leathery stuff and gold fabric paint.  
  
"What are you coming as?" Legolas asked the dwarf who was trying to avoid eye contact.  
  
"Not telling," mumbled Gimli, hugging his bags closer to him, away from prying eyes.  
  
The elf shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said and went to see what Gandalf had bought. The elf rolled his eyes when the wizard showed him the pearly pink fabric and the little seashell doohickies that he was supposed to be wearing in his hair and/or beard. (AN/ wait, I always thought mermaids were female and BEARDLESS!?)  
  
Aragorn unlocked the car and the fellowship clambered in. Legolas shoved the ranger to the side and slid into the drivers seat himself. "Hang on!" the elf yelled and put his foot down hard. The purple hippie van roared out of the car park and down the road. Oddly enough it did not hit anyone.  
  
Suddenly there was the sound of sirens and Legolas swore quite loudly, along with Aragorn. He knew the elf was speeding, not to mention driving without a licence.  
  
A police car sped along beside them and the policeman signalled for them to pull over. Either Legolas did not see or rather, chose not to see his signals for the elf kept driving, windows down and the wind whipping everyone's hair about.  
  
"Legolas, pull over," yelled Gimli from the back.  
  
The elf laughed and sped up, turning a corner sharply to avoid colliding with a lamppost. Cars on either side beeped and yelled abuse but the elf kept on driving.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ did everyone like that chapter? Even if you didn't you could still do something lovely and review! I'm aiming for 100 reviews! *Hint hint*  
  
Anyway, can anyone guess who or what Gimli's coming to the party as? Anyone? Have a guess. Whoever gets it right will get. um, I dunno, special privileges at the party or something. Or if you're not coming an invitation!  
  
Read and Review! And when you're done check out LotRseer3350's fic. It's really good! And Hex's (Hex the unseelie) oh, and while you're at it, Angel1's and Dragonflight's Zoids one. Ooh ooh, and Achoo's Legolas Stalkers! There's heaps so if you guys get a minute, give em a read!  
  
Well, I think you guys have had enough of me rambling so I might stop now and go and write you guys the next chapter. Bye!  
  
Love Lamoo 


	8. more happy pills please

AN/ hello there peoples! Aren't you all so lucky I like writing this? Here is another chapter!  
  
But first, reviews! Yay, my favourite bit!  
  
Dragonflight: is Gimli coming to the party as an elf? Well, not just any old elf. Glad Loki likes his peppers, but there might not be any carrots for him to chop. The hobbits wouldn't let Legolas buy anything healthy. Read your ficcy today! It was really good! Well done!  
  
LotRseer3350: you can kiss a hobbit if you really want to. You're quite welcome for your cameo appearance. There will be a few chapters before the party so I'm trying to squeeze everyone in. well, as far as I can say Gimli might be coming as an elf, but not just any elf. I'm not going to say anything else cos you guys are so good at guessing. Also I'm quite happy to mention any fanfics that I enjoy reading. I hope everyone else took some notice of that!  
  
Kiss the Flame: happy happy joy joy. ok, I'm gonna stop. Hope you enjoyed your cameo appearance and I'm glad you feel loved. You really think I'm that funny? Hmm, I must say I'm a bit surprised. *Shrug* oh well, enjoy this chapter!  
  
Inweofnargothrond: wow, cool name! Anyway, back on subject, no I'm sorry; Gimli is not dressing up a treebeard. You were right about his voice though. It was John Rhys Davies who played Gimli; he also did Treebeard's vice though. Sorry bout your guess though. Not treebeard. It is someone from LOTR though. Should be more crazies before the party. The fellowship need to make their costumes! Enjoy this update cos I certainly enjoyed writing it!  
  
Midnight: your wish is my command! *Waves magic wand. Nothing happens so Lamoo shrugs and chucks wand into the pile of already used wands* anyway, here is another chapter! Hope you continue to read and enjoy this fic!  
  
Anelith: well will you look at that?! Another chapter! Just for you! Thanks for the bit about mermen. I feel rather silly for not noticing that now. Oh well, I always feel rather odd! Hehe. Hope this chapter passes your inspection!  
  
Oddwen: Of course you did! So obvious that that elf is not a natural blonde anyway! Hope this chappie makes you laugh!  
  
Tamara: Party won't be for a while, the fellowship still have things to do before it. Hope you don't mind. Well, I could always post updates quickly so you wont get sick of waiting. Anywhoo, here is your little update!  
  
Legolas Stalker: perhaps you'd better read this chapter before you come to that conclusion. Hehe, enjoy this chappie!  
  
Wait, before I finish this thingy, could someone please teach me how to format properly? I tried and it went all wonked. Thanks!  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Hermione and all of that other stuff does not belong to me. oh wait, wrong story. Hehe. As you can see my mind is too jumbled up to even get a disclaimer right, let alone create all of Tolkien's wonderful characters and places and stuff. Not making any profit here, Even if you were planning to sue all you would get is the pitiful $2.60 in my wallet and my supply of yummy chocolate bullets. *Drools*  
  
Oki Doki, here is chapter 8. 8! I'm so excited!! Hehe  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Previously in 'the fellowship and the elf next door', we discovered who the mysterious checkout chick was, Emi Lou and Jayden managed to find out about the party, Gimli's costume is still a mystery and oddly enough, Lamoo didn't make any random appearances.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Currently the purple hippy van was speeding along the street, the elf at the wheel honking the horn madly. It wasn't long before he was forced to pull over, much to the hobbits' relief. He did and slowly wound down the window just as a uniformed policewoman came over.  
  
"Crap," Legolas swore under his breath.  
  
Pippin kicked the back of the elf's seat and whispered "Carp, Legolas, carp!"  
  
The elf turned around and glared fiercely at the hobbit who immediately shut up and cowered back into his seat.  
  
Legolas sighed and the cop walked around to his side of the car, her ticket book open. "Licence please," she said, extending her hand to take the elf's drivers licence.  
  
"Oh, that." Legolas replied lamely. "I don't have it on me," he finished, hoping the cop would accept this excuse.  
  
"You expect me to believe that missy?"  
  
"Missy?!" Legolas burst out angrily. "Missy?" The elf removed his sunglasses and tucked his hair behind his ears, exposing their pointed tips. Frowning the he raised one dark eyebrow.  
  
The policewoman seemed to understand because she stuttered an apology before going totally goo gaa. Her eyes sort of glazed over and her mouth broke into a wide grin.  
  
"Uh officer?" Legolas asked, a little worried that this human would collapse in a fit of giggles.  
  
"What is it Leggsie?" she replied, removing her own dark sunglasses and batting her eyelids.  
  
"Leggsie? Only my mother calls me Leggsie! How do you know who I am?" the elf retorted, drumming his slim fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. "Is there something wrong with your eyes?" He added, noticing how this female was fluttering her eyelashes in a very peculiar way.  
  
"What? No, don't you know who I am?" the cop asked, putting her hands on her hips.  
  
Legolas frowned. "Should I?" he asked, confused.  
  
She sighed and smiled. "Of course you should! I've been stalking you for the past three years." She said.  
  
The elf gasped. "It was YOU who sent me those frilly knickers on my birthday last year. The ones with the note attached saying something about. wait, this fic is supposed to be PG. Sorry, can't mention it." He said. "Stupid author" he added, mumbling under his breath.  
  
The female laughed and nodded. "And the chocolates yesterday, and the box of crayons about a month ago. And it was me who took your drivers licence, but that was only so I could add to my collection of all your other stuff."  
  
"I got chocolates?" Legolas broke in. Turning to face the hobbits the elf raised his eyebrows again. To him, Merry looked very guilty. Legolas groaned and turned back to the policewoman still standing by the car.  
  
Gimli, Gandalf and the hobbits were all getting quite impatient so they decided to sing.  
  
"We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas." The hobbits sang.  
  
"And a happy new year!" boomed Gimli.  
  
The singing continued like this for several minutes. The hobbits, the wizard and the dwarf singing their redditions of bohemian rhapsody by Queen, Bat out of Hell by Meatloaf not to mention a very harmonic version of twinkle twinkle little star. Finally Legolas turned around to face them all, anger and annoyance blazing in the elf's azure eyes. The singers continued to croon their melodies until they heard the horn honk loudly. There was another loud honk and Merry looked to see Legolas banging his head on the steering wheel.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"He was a Sk8er Boi, she said see you later Boi, he wasn't good enough for her."  
  
The car was finally on the road again and the fellowship was singing. again. However, the only way Legolas had managed to avoid a hefty fine for speeding AND driving with no licence, was to invite the cop, now known as Laura, to the party.  
  
Aragorn had shoved Legolas into the passenger seat and taken the wheel himself seeing as how he no longer trusted the elf to drive sensibly. Knowing the elf, in his pissed state, he would probably drive the car off the bridge.  
  
Aragorn sighed and rummaged through the bags at his feet as soon as the car stopped at some traffic lights. He pulled out the happy pills and got Gimli to hold Legolas's hands behind his back while he forced the stuff down the elf's throat.  
  
As before, the 'happy pills,' had the same effect on the elf. He was singing along to Gandalf's rendition of 'Sk8ter Boi' with everyone else as well as sticking his head out the window. To passers by, it looked as though there was a large hairy, golden retriever that was panting and shaking its furry head. It did not occur to them that the blonde hairy thing hanging out of the window was an elf, a drugged elf.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Even though the mall was only fifteen minutes away, one hour later the fellowship arrived home. Gandalf's car was about to give up the ghost and Sam was busting to go to the loo. Legolas was still very hyper and Aragorn was beginning to wonder what those happy pill things tasted like. As for Merry and Pippin they along with Gimli and Gandalf wanted to rush inside and begin work on their costumes.  
  
Merry, Pippin and Frodo dumped their purchases out on the living room floor and began going through them. Pippin pulled out the cardboard and the glitter and stuff he had bought and set to work constructing his wand. Merry spun his pretend lasso around a few times before being told off by Gimli, the dwarf very frustrated because he couldn't thread the sewing machine properly. Frodo paraded around in some white fabric, he was hoping someone would help him make a dress out of it, and practiced putting on eyeliner.  
  
Suddenly there was some very naughty language and all attention turned towards Aragorn. The ranger was working on the kitchen table, trying to glue feathers to his yellow jumpsuit (you know, the one I forgot to mention?). Gandalf had knocked the glue and it had spilt all over Aragorn's lap. The ranger had then sneezed and all his yellow feathers flew up and glued themselves to the ranger's gluey pants. Legolas laughed and went to see what Sam was cooking for dinner.  
  
The hobbit was standing by the stove stirring something in a pot. Legolas wrinkled his nose and picked up the phone book. He felt like pizza tonight.  
  
"What are you doing mister Legolas?" Sam asked the elf, Legolas busy scanning the page for the pizza place.  
  
"Ringing for Pizza," Legolas replied.  
  
Sam sniffed. "But, I'm cooking us up sone nice soup and some pie!" the hobbit said, sounding hurt.  
  
The elf sighed. "You guys can have soup. But I can tell that it's chicken. You know I don't eat meat. I'm having pizza if you don't mind."  
  
"Pizza? What kind of Pizza?" Aragorn and Frodo broke in.  
  
"Well, vegetarian or perhaps cheese?" the elf replied, finding the number he was after and picking up the phone.  
  
"Sam," Frodo said "would you mind if we had Pizza tonight? I think we should celebrate."  
  
"Celebrate what?" Aragorn asked. "Ow, oh yea, celebrate," he added as Frodo whacked him in the stomach.  
  
Sam sighed and picked up his pot of soup. Wandering over to the fridge the hobbit placed the pot inside, after coving the top with some cling wrap. "Fine, Pizza," he said, sitting down on a stool with a very forlorn expression on his hobbity face  
  
Legolas, Aragorn and Frodo cheered and the elf dialled the number.  
  
"Hello? You've called Luigi's pizza, Mario speaking. How may I help you?"  
  
"Uh, hi. I'd like to order two large cheese pizzas and one large vegetarian pizza," Legolas began.  
  
"And Hawaiian!" yelled Pippin in the background.  
  
"And Hawaiian,"  
  
"Size?"  
  
"Large,"  
  
"Any drinks or deserts with that?" Mario asked.  
  
"Uh, no thanks," Legolas said before Aragorn snatched the phone off him.  
  
"Wait yes, we'll have two of the largest bottles of Pepsi you have and one of those yummy Sarah lee desert cake things." The ranger said, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
"Yes thankyou,"  
  
"I'll repeat that order, one large cheese pizza, one large vegetarian, on large Hawaiian, two bottles of Pepsi and a Sarah lee desert. Is that right?" Mario asked.  
  
"Yep, that's good," Aragorn replied.  
  
"Pick up or delivered?"  
  
"Delivered."  
  
"Ok, that'll be $25.95, your order will arrive in about 10 minutes."  
  
"Ok, bye"  
  
With that Aragorn hung up and slouched back over to the table to resume work on his costume. He sat down and set to work sewing the feathers one by one onto the yellow jumpsuit. The ranger had abandoned the glue, one, there wasn't any of it left, it had been spilt everywhere, and two, the glue didn't actually stick the feathers to the yellow fabric properly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The doorbell rang and the hobbits rushed to answer it. Legolas pushed the hobbits out of the way and reached for his wallet. Opening the door the elf felt a load of pizza being dumped into his arms.  
  
"That'll be $25.95." said a voice.  
  
Legolas handed the boxes to Pippin, the hobbit rushing inside to open them, and looked at the delivery person. Legolas nodded and handed the delivery boy the money for the pizzas. He closed the door and made his way into the kitchen, where the pizza boxes were lying open on the table.  
  
The elf helped himself to a piece of vegetarian pizza, which, surprisingly, no one had touched yet.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ sorry that chapter was kinda bad. Pizza and speeding elves aren't really much inspiration. Sorry about he reviews too. I got them all in my hotmail inbox but I deleted them, thinking they'd all be on ff.net. For me to read and reply to, as it was they weren't. I can't remember who said what so if there was anything you really needed to say, try again this time.  
  
Anywhoo, the next chapter might take a little while, I'm trying very hard to keep the visitors alive. I've been neglecting it A LOT lately and I think it's really about time I pay some attention to it again.  
  
Thanks everyone for your wonderful reviews, I couldn't write this without them!  
  
Bye for now Love Lamoo 


	9. Aragorn's stockings and Haldir's visitor

AN/ sorry the last chapter took a little while. I finished it ages ago but damn ff.net was being annoying and wouldn't let me load stuff.  
  
Anyway, here are those lovely reviews that found their way into my inbox this afternoon.  
  
Cotume: Well, are you back for a while? There should be heaps more chapters coming up. I'm afraid it is a bit late for you to come to the party. Sorry, don't kill me please. but seeing as how you'd like to so much, If I can, I'll squeeze you in. and to make up for it, you should get a cameo appearance somewhere in the next few chapters. Leggie as a teabag would be very drool worthy indeed. Hehe. *Drools but then jumps back because he keyboard short circuits and explodes*  
  
LotRseer3350: Damn! I knew I shouldn't have given away all those hints. Was it really that obvious that the last chapter was rushed? Well, you're right, so clever you are! I really wanted to get it up, I cant wait to write the party chapters. Thanks heaps for reassuring me that the last chapter was readable. Don't worry, I wont leave you hanging; I love writing this fic too much!  
  
Inweofnargothrond: how did I forget to mention that? Now that you mention it, how do the pizza people know where they live? Thanks for reminding me of that. Perhaps the fellowship order pizza so much, the pizza people know them by the sound of their voice. or not. Arg! Why do you have to be such good guessers! I'm kinda annoyed now! Oh well. Hope this chapter gains your approval.  
  
Oddwen: how ever did you know? Oh wait, everybody sees Frodo on a regular basis putting on eyeliner, it's his favourite! Enjoy this chappie!  
  
Anelith: *dances around* I know the feeling. Doesn't it get so annoying when you are dying to read something and the stupid author wont update? Well, that's a bit rich coming from me seeing as how I left my other fic neglected for about two months a while ago. You're welcome; I hope for your sake it wasn't algebra. EVIL!! EVIL!!!  
  
Legolas Stalker: glad you're happy. Seeing as how you didn't make the original party list I figured you deserved a little bit of your own. I am soooo flattered; I can't believe someone said I'm their fav author! (. Thankyou! Anywhoosies, expect more funnies and if you're good, perhaps another random appearance.  
  
Achoo: I actually don't like vegetarian pizza, but seeing as how Legolas is an elf, I figured he'd be more likely to eat that than meat lovers pizza or something. Don't forget, Sam's cooking is notorious for being quite bad. Do you think Legolas will mind if we have a cotton candy machine at our party? Hope not. Cotton candy, or as I call it, fairly floss, is yummy!  
  
Saturndragon: I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. If you want to kiss Legolas I guess you can, as long as you don't mind sharing the elf with me. Hehe. Dares sound like a good idea! Spin the bottle perhaps! Thankyou DJ!  
  
Holly: I love bohemian rhapsody! The coolest song! Glad you think this is funny, my mind is a bit strange sometimes, unable to distinguish whether something is funny, or just plain weird. My fingers haven't dropped off yet so you should be expecting quite a few more chappies from me in the next little while!  
  
Paladin Dragoon: ooh, I like your new pen name. Is it supposed to be dragoon of dragon? Anywho doesn't matter. There'll be plenty of pizza for Loki to slice, PEPERoni too! Hehe. In not going to tell you who Gimli is coming as, you've probably already worked it out. Along with everyone else. *Grumbles and mumbles something incoherent* on a lighter note, hope you, CF and Loki enjoy this chappie!  
  
Mad Dog: good stuff? Aww, thankies! *Blushes* if you really want Boromir in the story I will put him in there somewhere, just for you. Should write more about Gandalf too, seeing as how you asked so nicely. *Grins* not telling anyone anything more about Gimli's costume. You guys might know, but Legolas doesn't.  
  
I love reviews guys, keep em coming! They make me smile knowing someone actually likes reading this blob of wasted Internet space.  
  
Disclaimer: I own a nice red jumper, a cool mug with an elephant on it and a defaced picture of Frodo. The only thing in this fic that perhaps belongs to me is the idea, but sometimes I'm not even sure about that. Not making any profit from this bit of wasted web space as you might expect. Don't sue. no point.  
  
Alrighty then, here is chapter 9!! Be warned, this chapter will be LONG.that all right?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Previously in 'The fellowship and the elf next door,' Legolas met his stalker, Aragorn ordered some Pepsi with the pizza, the fellowship set to work on their costumes and again, Lamoo made no weird appearance.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The fellowship hungrily devoured their pizza. That was until Frodo found something quite unnerving atop his piece of Hawaiian pizza. It might have been otherwise, but to the hobbit it sure looked like a used cotton bud covered in earwax.  
  
"Eeew!" the hobbit yelled, flicking the offending cotton bud off his pizza. The bit of Earwax laden fluff flew and landed in Gandalf's beard. The wizard saw it and grinned. Much to the disgust of the rest of the fellowship, Gandalf picked it out and popped it into his mouth, chewing it delightedly and eventually swallowing it. Legolas suddenly rushed out of the room, looking like he was going to be sick. Sure enough, about a minute later the elf remerged looking much better, but perhaps still a little green.  
  
Frodo wrinkled his nose and put down the bit of Pizza he was holding, opting to go for a bit of the cheese pizza instead.  
  
Luckily, the cheese pizza did not have any disgusting bodily items atop it so Frodo munched it ravenously. With full stomachs, or in Legolas's case, one that would not hold food for long, the fellowship went to bed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Merry and Pippin bounced into their bunk bed, Pippin taking the top bunk, Merry the bottom. The hobbits room was painted bright orange and their bedspreads were lime green. Standing on the dresser on the opposite wall stood items such as Merry's model ballerina, a whole stack of comic books and Pippin's diary. Beside the bunk stood a bedside table holding two glasses of water and for some reason a jar filled with strange blue liquid and some peanuts.  
  
"Good night Merry,"  
  
"Good night Pip"  
  
Merry snuggled into his pillow and fell asleep immediately, not looking forward to the early start the next day. He had to get up for an early shift at work.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Frodo was very thankful he didn't have to share a room with anyone. Sam snored very, very loudly, Aragorn was known for sleep walking, Legolas could be very PMSy at times (despite the fact that he was a guy) and Gimli was, *shudder* fond of yellow. As for Gandalf, no body had actually seen the inside of his room in years. A strange green smoke always seemed to be coming from under his door and the fellowship would often hear odd explosions coming from the crap hole, as Aragorn called it.  
  
The hobbit changed into his PJs (red with mushrooms) and went to brush his teeth.  
  
Frodo was sure neither Merry's or Pippin's toothbrushes had been touched in at least a month. Cobwebs were gathering on the two colourful children's toothbrushes and Frodo shook his head as he picked up his own toothbrush. He brushed quickly, hurrying so he was sure to be out of the bathroom by the time Aragorn wanted a shower.  
  
He rinsed his mouth and grinned at his reflection in the mirror. Stepping down from his stool, the hobbit dawdled back into his room, closing the door behind him. Frodo's room was painted a boring cream colour, pictures of Cat food adorning the walls. The hobbit dove into bed and pulled out his rifle. Aiming it at the light bulb Frodo pulled the trigger and the light went out. What an easy way to turn out the light without getting out of bed! Of course now he had to change the light bulb.  
  
Frodo fell asleep right after stowing his gun under the bed, amongst the piles of other junk.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gimli did not go to bed straight away, preferring to sit up and knit for a while.  
  
Swearing, the dwarf was forced to unpick a row of stitches, realising that it would completely dement the stripy pattern he was trying to knit into the scarf he was making. Frustrated with his knitting Gimli threw down his wool and knitting needles, picking up his embroidery from his bedside table.  
  
Gimli was a dwarf; dwarfs are not renown for being very co-ordinated. At last count, before he fell asleep, Gimli poked himself 47 times with the needle.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Legolas sighed and sunk into the steaming bubbles. He had managed to beat Aragorn to the bathroom for once in his life and was enjoying all the hot water he wanted. (Aragorn was notorious for using it all) So, once the tub was full of steaming water and yummy smelling bubbles, the elf sunk into it, enjoying playing with Sam's collection of ducks and sailboats.  
  
Dipping under the water for a moment, the elf remerged and tried to wipe the stinging bubbles out of his eyes. Not doing a very good job, Legolas reached for a towel. Wiping his eyes, the elf blinked several times before throwing down the towel and making the largest rubber duck attack the little blue sailboat that was floating innocently near the end of the tub.  
  
There was a knock on the door and Legolas hastily yelled out to whomever it was to go away. It obviously was not Aragorn, the ranger usually made some sort of audible response, nor was it Sam; Legolas could hear the hobbit's snored from the room next door.  
  
The door opened and Legolas almost fainted. Guess who it was. come on, guess!  
  
Well, I'll tell you. If you haven't already guessed then in my opinion you are pretty dim. It was Lamoo standing in the doorway, a silly grin plastered on her face.  
  
"What are you doing? Get out!" yelled Legolas, grabbing the towel again, just in case Lamoo could see anything she shouldn't.  
  
"What am I doing?" she asked, throwing Legolas's earlier words back at him. "I'm making sure you don't drown."  
  
Legolas groaned. "I think I can work out for myself whether I'm going to drown in a bathtub full of water," he said angrily, throwing a rubber duck at Lamoo's head.  
  
Lamoo shrugged and ducked the duck (lame pun intended). "I just wanted Leggie to be safe, there wouldn't be much point writing this fic it you drowned in the bathtub." She said, putting her hands on her hips. "Or perhaps there would. Legolas, would you mind drowning? I think this fic would be funny if you did."  
  
"I'm not going to drown just for the sake of this stupid piece of wasted web space!" the elf yelled, throwing up his arms in frustration. "Could you please go away?!" he asked, growing more and more annoyed with this accursed author, or authoress as she liked to be called.  
  
"Fine, suit yourself, I'll just go and keep your bed warm."  
  
"Oh no you don't! You can go home, by the way where do you exactly live? Or you can sleep on the couch." Legolas retorted, wishing Lamoo would leave so he could get out of the bath without her watching. Sick, perverted elf fancier.  
  
Lamoo shrugged and exited the bathroom, much to Legolas's relief.  
  
As soon as the door closed, the elf pulled out the plug and stepped out of the bath. Hurriedly drying off, just in case Lamoo came back while he was stark naked in the bathroom, Legolas puled on his knickers, buttoning his green pyjamas over the top.  
  
Not caring about the large puddle of water on the bathroom floor the elf huffed out of the bathroom only to yell out in fury when he saw Lamoo curled up in his bed, her messy brown hair spread all over his pillow and her legs tangles up in the sheets.  
  
"Plenty of room," Lamoo said, moving over a bit and patting the spot beside her.  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes in disgust and grabbed his pillow. Pulling the doona off the bed the elf went to sleep on the couch.  
  
Unfortunately for him, Lamoo followed.  
  
"Why wont you leave me alone!?" the elf yelled in one last, desperate attempt of ridding himself of the pesky authoress.  
  
Lamoo shrugged and bounced onto the lounge. Legolas grabbed her by her collar and hauled her onto the floor. She folded her arms and pouted. Legolas either didn't see, or didn't care, the elf threw down his pillow, lay down on the couch and pulled the doona up over his head.  
  
"Nightie night Leggie," Lamoo said before her snores filled the room.  
  
Legolas grunted and fell asleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When Legolas awoke, or rather, was awoken, the next morning his heart leapt as he saw Lamoo was no longer curled up on the living room floor. However, Haldir was at the door, ringing the doorbell over and over again. Mumbling something rude under his breath Legolas stood up rather groggily and went to find something to hit Haldir with. Grabbing the phone book that was sitting on the table next to the phone, the elf opened the front door and find hie annoyed elven neighbour still pushing the doorbell button thingo.  
  
"What do you want?" Legolas asked, not in the mood to be nice.  
  
"What makes you think I wanted anything?" Haldir replied, putting on his most innocent expression.  
  
Legolas sighed and closed the door in Haldir's face. The elf outside yelled and demanded to be let in. Legolas ignored him and went to have some breakfast.  
  
Sam was in the kitchen, along with Merry and Pippin. Sam was frying eggs, as usual and Merry and Pippin were eating cocoa pops, right out of the box, no milk. The elf sighed and grabbed an apple. He bit into it hungrily and devoured the rest of it with relish.  
  
"What are you two doing today?" Legolas asked Merry and Pippin, continuing to eat, rummaging through the pantry for the box of muesli.  
  
"Going to work," replied Merry glumly. Pippin nodded and flicked a cocoa pop at the back of Sam's head.  
  
Legolas nodded, feeling a lot better with some food in his belly. He remembered he also had to go to work that day so he quickly munched the rest of his muesli and went to get changed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Aragorn sat bolt upright and rubbed his head. 'Why am I on the floor?' he thought to himself. Sitting up, the ranger looked around his room. The peach coloured walls looked exactly the same as they had the day before but Aragorn was sure something was wrong about his room. The built in wardrobe looked exactly as it had before, one door open, the other hanging off its hinges. The bookshelf still had all its books on it and none of the shelves had collapsed. It wasn't until the ranger looked at his bed that he noticed something under a blanket.  
  
Standing up, rather puzzled, but also on the defensive in case this lump was a mustard squirting beanbag like it had been about a month ago, he pulled off the blanket only to say something he wouldn't have been caught dead saying in front of his mother.  
  
Lamoo was curled up in Aragorn's bed fast asleep. When she woke up she told Aragorn about how Legolas wouldn't let her sleep in his bed and the floor was cold. So she had pushed Aragorn out of bed and curled up in it herself.  
  
Not really caring, he slept on the floor all the time, Aragorn ushered Lamoo out of the room so he could get changed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~.  
  
Merry finished the rest of his cereal before changing into his new, McDonalds uniform. Pippin did the same.  
  
Both hobbits emerged from their room wearing green and white striped shirts, bottle green trousers, a tie and those silly little visor thingies that people who work at McDonald's wear. "What do you think Merry?" Pippin asked his cousin.  
  
"Not bad Pippin," Merry replied straightening his tie. "Just one problem, how are we going to get to work?"  
  
Pippin shrugged. "We could drive," he suggested.  
  
"We could, if we had a car," the other hobbit retorted.  
  
"How about walking?" Pippin suggested again. "Wait, no, perhaps not. It's a 15 minute drive."  
  
"I'll take you," Legolas's voice broke in. "I have to go to work today anyway."  
  
Merry grinned but his smile faded when he began to wonder what the elf was planning to drive. "Thanks Lego, just one thing,"  
  
"What?" Legolas replied, getting suspicious.  
  
"You don't have a car, we *gulp* crashed it, remember?" Pippin replied, cowering behind Merry in case the elf decided to strike out.  
  
The elf laughed and shook his head. "I'll drive Gandalf's. My insurance will pay for a new car. I'll pick it up this afternoon." He said, grinning, feeling in quite good spirits.  
  
Both Merry and Pippin sighed with relief and tossed Legolas Gandalf's keys.  
  
Suddenly Aragorn came hopping into the room, trying to put on his stockings. (AN/ pantyhose) "Could you give me a lift?" he asked the elf with a pleading expression.  
  
Legolas nodded. "Sure, but remind me, what exactly do you do again?"  
  
"I'm a receptionist." The ranger replied proudly.  
  
"And you need the stockings because?"  
  
"I saw in that book over there," Aragorn said, pointing to a book titled 'my big book of occupations' that was lying open on the coffee table. "The receptionist in the bok was wearing stockings, and a tie."  
  
"That's because the picture in the book is of a woman." Merry said, examining the picture he mentioned.  
  
Aragorn shook his head and bluntly refused when Legolas and the two hobbits suggested he go and change into more suitable attire. Eventually, weary of nagging, Legolas, Aragorn and the two hobbits piled into Gandalf's hippie van. Legolas was planning on picking up his new car, a silver Porsche, that afternoon, but in the meantime, he had to go to work. His latest job was a florist. After being sacked from his position as a swimming instructor, the elf had inquired at the local Florist about work there. His application had been accepted and today was the elf's first day on the job.  
  
In high spirits, the elf started the car, and the four in it set off down the road, singing.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lamoo was still at the fellowship's house. With Legolas and Aragorn gone she found she had no one to annoy. She didn't dare venture into Gandalf's room, there had been violent explosions coming from in there earlier that morning. Merry and Pippin were also at work, there goes two more people to annoy, Frodo was having breakfast before he went to work and Sam was cooking. As for Gimli, he was still asleep. Lamoo decided not to wake him, knowing that when he was annoyed with her he'd tickle her mercilessly. Sighing, Lamoo decided to go and visit Haldir.  
  
Slamming to door behind her, dressed in a combination of her red polka dot pyjamas as well as everybody else's wardrobes, Lamoo skipped across next door and rung Haldir's doorbell.  
  
The elf rushed to the door, the only time he ever got visitors was either when one of the members of the fellowship wanted something, his great aunt Edna brought him some fruit cake or when he had forgotten to pay the bills. He grabbed his rusty sword of the couch and carefully peeped through a crack in the door.  
  
"Hi!" Lamoo yelled, waving.  
  
Haldir sighed with relief and threw open the door fully, opening his arms and giving Lamoo a hug.  
  
"Whatcha doin today Haldir?" she asked, leaning on the doorframe.  
  
Haldir shrugged. "Dunno, not much. You wanna come in?"  
  
Lamoo nodded and stepped inside. Haldir's house was messy and smelled very strongly of dirty socks, lavender and coffee. It only had three rooms but to Haldir, it was home. (Even though he spent more time at the fellowship's house than his own)  
  
One room was a bedroom, an unmade bed with a pastel pink doona cover stood against the wall while pretty white and blue bookshelves stood against the other, dusty and tired, an empty bottle of Vodka or two standing on the shelves. Clothes littered the floor along with papers and the odd coffee cup. Adjoining the bedroom was a bathroom, decorated in 70's brown. It too was quite messy. The whole contents of the laundry basket was strewn all over the floor, there was green scum forming around the edge of the bathtub and about a dozen empty shampoo bottles littering the shower floor. The mirror was cracked in one corner and the sink had hair blocking the drain. The kitchen/lounge room was not so bad. The kitchen was up one end, orange bench tops and wooden cupboards. There was a pile up of dishes in the sink and a large burn make on the bench top. A medium sized table stood in the middle of the kitchen, four chairs standing around it. A TV was standing on a small table up the other end of the room and a couch was plonked in front of it along with a coffee table and a beanbag. A massive pile of magazines was stacked up on the table along with a beer can, the toaster and for some reason a container of leg wax.  
  
"Shall I put the kettle on?" Haldir asked Lamoo, who had made herself comfortable on Haldir's beanbag. She nodded and Haldir set to work making two cups of hot chocolate with yummy marshmallows.  
  
"You wanna go somewhere toady?" Lamoo broke in abruptly, through her newly made cup of to chocolate.  
  
Haldir shrugged but nodded. "Yea, like what?" he asked.  
  
Lamoo cackled evilly and twiddled her thumbs. "You'll see,"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gandalf grinned gleefully at the computer screen. A colourful add flashed across the screen and the wizard typed madly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
AN/ sorry, not as much Gandalf as I thought there would be. But you can't be too cross with me? This was a pretty long Chapter! Hope it gave you all a bit of a laugh, even though it was rather lame.  
  
I'll go and start the next one now, Love Lamoo  
  
Don't forget to read and Review, and when you're done, check out my favourite stories list. Plenty of LOTR ones, check out Hex's LotRseer3350's and Legolas stalker's fics. Paladin Dragoon has some really funny Zoids ones. Give em a read! 


	10. A deep fried mobile phone

AN/ hellos all round! Wow, I can't believe I have gotten 118 reviews! So happy! Thankies to all, here are your replies.  
  
Holly: Leggie in bath. hehe. I am evil.hope you like this chappie as much as you did the last one. I'm feeling even more evil now. Mwa haa haa.  
  
Anelith: Legolas in the bath? Well, maybe Legolas in the pool, in Speedos, might be a bit better, and then he might let us get closer without grabbing a towel and throwing little rubber duckies at us. As for a coincidence? Well, I'll let you decide. you're updating? Ooh I wanna read. after ive finished this tho. enjoy!  
  
Midnight: here are more stupid words on your stupid page. I hope you enjoy these stupid words cos they certainly enjoyed being written.  
  
LotRseer3350: What on earth could that stupid wizard be doing? I'm not exactly sure, maybe selling things over the Internet, or buying stuff. If there's anything you want to see, let me know. Did I read your new chapter? Not sure, my Internet hasn't been working lately so I'll read your new chappie when I put this up. As for the party? I'm not really sure; give it two or three more chapters? Not sure.  
  
Paladin Dragoon: Ah! I feel so much smarter now, I know who Dragoon is. see what a strange, sad person I am? As for recommending you? You gave me a mention in your fic so it was really the least I could do. tell Loki that I'll make sure the fellowship have some pepperoni pizza at the party and maybe some doctor Pepper, even though I hate it.  
  
Tegz: You started an RP?! Yay! Well done chum! Very proud of you. Yes, as far as I know, you're still the hopeless magician, that's ok isn't it? BTW, that's wrong with cheese pizza? Besides the absence of any yummy stuff like ham and pineapple? Glad you like this story, its being written for you guys who supply me with lots of wonderful reviews that feed the little elf that lives down my socks.  
  
Kiftyuthonaerantae: ooh! New reviewer! Yay! Glad you took the time to give this stupid bit of junk a read, thankies chum! Hope you enjoy reading this chapter and I hope I don't make you laugh too much. Never know, your head might explode....  
  
LOTR FREAK: One of your Favourites? Aww, thankies chum! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You have a silver Porsche? Cool! I want one too! But I'm afraid that I'll have to settle for the little plastic one hiding under my bed somewhere. The party should start in the next couple of chapters, bare with me, might be a bit crazy. ENJOY!  
  
Inweofnargothrond: now that you mention it, what are we going to do? Me and Haldir that is. I love Hawaiian pizza, so yummy. Fruit loops are nice too, but not with milk, that makes em all icky and soggy. *Sticks tongue out in disgust*. Um, not to be rude or anything, but what the heck is a cracker jack? Please remember that I live in boring old Sydney and our idea of fun is dancing around a room full of elephants in a peanut costume. No seriously, what is a cracker jack? I want one! And some balloons, there has to be balloons, cant have a party without em. don't worry, lots of balloons.  
  
Hex Of The Unseelie: long chappie? You like? Oh goody. If you want mischief then get prepared for some. mwa haa haa. *Laughs evilly then breaks into a hacking cough* ok, lets not do that again. anyway, glad your LOTComrades party started, it is sooooo good! Really funny too! Party should be soon, but please bear with me if I'm a little slow  
  
Legolas stalker/ Laura/ lorenzo1/ Archibald/ Willoughby/ stupid/ Blondie/ hey kid move/ sandwich/ shuddup Laura: wow, got enough nicknames? I want more nicknames too! Here is your update, sorry it took longer than it should've, my Internet was going spazzo lately. grr. *growls menacingly at the computer* ok. hope you get as excited about this lil update, cos I get the feeling its gonna be a bit wild. Maybe I might put a bit about a doona there too, my doona had a pink and green cover with lil groovy flower thingies on it. but that is completely irrelevant to this fanfiction.  
  
Achoo: It really sux how FF.net did that. which story was it? Better not have been a good one; I haven't had a chance to read yet. Anywhoo, we need a cotton candy machine and one of those little vending machine things that dispense gumballs. Hehe. Why on earth would Lego mind about a large supply of sugar readily available to him? I intend on slipping some more lovely happy pills into his tea. Hehe. Frodo with a rifle is definitely not an image that springs to mind when you mention the hobbit. But I was watching a Mr Bean episode the other day and it was the one where he shot the light bulb and gave his teddy glasses. Hehe. You have little brothers? I only have an annoying lil sis. grr, who randomly deletes words that I write when she's on the puter and has access to my stories. Annoying. ive never had the guts to venture into the bathroom when she's in there, don't know why I did when Leggie was. that little elf was NOT happy. Can you blame him? Oh dear, I seem to be ranting. anywhoo, enjoy this chappie; with any luck it should be nice and long.  
  
Saturndragon: ooh yes, meatloaf! And Queen and maybe even something like Pavlov's dog and there HAS to be some savage garden. and we need to play spin the bottle and dares. Wonder if I can tinker with the bottle so that it points at Legolas whenever I spin it. hmm.  
  
Daydream: oh no. Not your minions. I really need some of my own. how about the little elf that looks a bit like a shrivelled carrot that lives in my socks and the little headless coffee cups. Or not. Just to be on the safe side, here is another chapter, very pleased you enjoyed the last one so much.  
  
Cotume: no, it's not too late, just read this chapter, you'll get the idea, and some flowers! Oh yea, its never bad to stay up to 3am reading Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix, I did it, 'cept I fell asleep at about 2. Hehe.  
  
Beanie Boy: you know who you are. I don't think it was very nice of you to attack me on KOC, what did I do? Why not just get hunterkiller huh? Anywhoo, enjoy this chappie, nice that you've taken the time to read BOTH my ficcys. By the way, I am NOT a sick puppy.  
  
Wow, that took a while, ok, here's the disclaimer,  
  
Disclaimer: I'm sitting here at 7:45 on a Saturday morning in my green kitty boxer shorts and a red polka dot pyjama top. Just thinking about what I'm going to do to Tolkien's characters today. Unfortunately, I can't hurt them too much, or claim ownership of Legolas's new Porsche, all the fellowship plus anyone else recognisable from LOTR belongs to Mr Tolkien. All respective reviewers own them selves and I only have possession of a pair of Red polka dot PJs, a saucepan and a little model of a Porsche. (Can't think for the life of me where it is though)  
  
Disclaimer number 2, couldn't decide which I liked better.I like rice crackers with cherries and blonde elves, but unfortunately, you cant buy elves from the supermarket like you can cherries and rice crackers. If I could I'd have an elf bundled up in my room for my own purposes, but as it is I cant get my hands on any elves, or for that matter, anything that belongs to Tolkien, I must remain content writing mindless dribble about it all. And eating rice crackers and cherries.  
  
Okie Dokie, here is chapter 10. double digits. (  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Previously in 'The fellowship and the elf next door,', Lamoo was annoying and went to visit Haldir, Legolas took a bath, Frodo found something a bit gross atop his pizza and Aragorn put on some stockings.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Bye" said Merry as he climbed out of the purple hippie van parked in the McDonald's car park.  
  
"Thanks for the lift Legolas," Pippin said, waving as he began moving into the restaurant. (AN/ I cant believe they call McDonald's here a 'family restaurant')  
  
"No problem," Legolas replied. "Call me this afternoon when you want to be picked up."  
  
Merry and Pippin nodded and waved again as the purple hippie van drove out of the car park and down the road.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lamoo stood up and demanded Haldir follow her. "Come on, let's go." She said.  
  
"Don't you want to change?" asked Haldir, looking down at Lamoo's red polka dot PJs, a jersey that said 'class of the second age' on the back. (which so happened to belong to the elf.), the orange slippers of Aragorn's that she'd nicked and a purple beanie.  
  
Lamoo nodded and she and Haldir ran back over to the fellowship's house so she could change.  
  
Walking right past the hobbits' bedroom doors, Lamoo headed straight into Legolas's room and opened his wardrobe. It was so neat compared to Haldir's so the pesky authoress yanked out a couple of garments. Much to Haldir's annoyance, Lamoo dropped her daks to reveal green boxer shorts and pulled on a pair of Legolas's jeans. Pity she had such short legs, the bottoms of the pants dragging at least a foot on the ground, but then, Legolas was very tall. They fit her quite well around the middle seeing as how her butt was so big so Lamoo had no need for a belt, instead sending Haldir to find a pair of scissors so she could trim the bottom of Legolas's jeans. Lamoo dug through the closet again to see if she could find a top that was not either blue or green and wrinkled her nose when she found one.  
  
"What's that?" Haldir asked as he returned with the scissors.  
  
Lamoo just shrugged and shook her head. She then took the scissors and proceeded to cut off the bottoms of the jeans. "There," she said to herself, happy that her cutting was not too dodgy. Giving a sigh Lamoo threw the top that she had been holding, pastel pink, Lamoo hated pink, back into the wardrobe. She had no choice but to put back on Legolas's old school jersey. Looking at it before she put it on, Lamoo grinned when she read the writing on the back. The top was jade green and, in white lettering on the back, besides the words 'class of the second age' was a simple sentence only consisting of a few words. 'Worship me.' Lamoo laughed and pulled it over her head.  
  
"You might want to put something else on," Lamoo remarked, observing Haldir's attire. The elf nodded and nicked a pair of boring cream pants and a blue shirt.  
  
On their way out, both dressed differently, Lamoo and Haldir stopped by the pantry. Haldir grinned as he grabbed Merry's secret stash of chocolate off the top shelf and he and Lamoo munched it with relish.  
  
"Um, Lamoo?" Haldir asked, both him and Lamoo back at his house now. "Where are we going?"  
  
Lamoo shrugged. "Into town I guess, we could go and annoy the others at work." She replied.  
  
Haldir grinned and led Lamoo out of the fellowships' house and towards his garage. If she had gone by looks alone, Lamoo would never have guessed what Haldir kept in his garage. The elf opened the door and clouds of dust flew everywhere.  
  
"You don't get out much do you?" Lamoo asked Haldir. The elf shook his head with a smile. Lamoo suddenly gasped as she caught sight of her elven buddy's car.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Thankyou sir, that'll be $6.50." Pippin said in a bored voice, handing the tall, hooded stranger his food.  
  
Pippin sighed and rested his elbows on the counter. That was not very hard seeing as how the bench was as tall as Pippin's shoulders.  
  
Merry was busy making a Mcflurry for a little girl that had quite rudely demanded a one with everything. The hobbit grimaced as the little girl gave a shout.  
  
"Hurry up mister!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs.  
  
Merry mumbled something incoherent under his breath, probably something rude, and squirted some ketchup into the Mcflurry cup he was holding. The hobbit didn't care; instead he 'accidentally on purpose' tossed a bit of raw burger patty, a pickle and some fluff of the floor into the girl's Mcflurry. Lucky the little brat didn't see him doing it, Merry was sure that if she did she would not hesitate to rip him limb from limb. But as it was, she was even shorter than Pippin, she couldn't even see over the counter, so Merry was safe to put what he liked into this little monster's desert.  
  
"There you go," Merry said with a very fake smile. "That'll be $2.50."  
  
The kid plonked a pile of coins onto the counter and ran away, clutching her ice cream. Merry scooped the coins into the cash register and announced that he was taking his break now. No body objected, the place wasn't exactly very busy at the moment, a huddle of teenagers around a large table, the Mcflurry girl and her family, the tall, hooded stranger and two blonde people sitting in the table furthest away from the counter were all that were present.  
  
Merry sighed and grabbed a cup. Seeing as how he was an employee, the hobbit thought he should have access to all the free coke he wanted. Not everyone shared this view but both Merry and Pippin walked around with swords belted to their waists. Only they, however, knew that these swords were nothing but a hilt stuck to a scabbard thingo.  
  
Merry filled his cup with coke and grabbed a straw. He sipped it and wandered out into the eating area. There was nobody waiting to be served so Merry called Pippin over to join him. The hobbit grinned and grabbed a sundae and plonked down in the seat opposite his cousin.  
  
"When does our shift end?" Merry asked Pippin, sipping his coke.  
  
Pippin looked at his watch. "Another hour," Pippin said. He and Merry had been at work for a few hours now, most of the day in fact, and both were getting very bored with the lines. "Hello sir/madam, welcome to McDonalds, may I take you order?" Also. Since footwear was required, both hobbits' large feet were feeling very cramped inside their shoes.  
  
Merry sighed again, or rather, for the fiftieth time that day, and finished his drink. He popped the empty cup in the bin and groaned. "Meriadoc, there's a spill, go and mop it up please," the manager yelled, using Merry's full name, which irked the hobbit. Merry rolled his eyes and went to fetch the mop. Pippin accompanied him, thinking it was about time he went back to putting bits of lettuce on hamburgers.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Aragorn smiled sweetly and answered the phone. "Hello, you've called Denathor and sons, please hold." The ranger giggled and answered the next call. "Hello, you've called Denathor and sons, please hold." If Aragorn was anyone else, he would have grown bored with saying this line over and over again, but Aragorn was, well, Aragorn, and he'd been happy to do it all morning. The day was getting on and the ranger thought it was about time for his lunch break so he abandoned his desk and waltzed out of the building.  
  
He wobbled on his high heels down the street to the little café that he'd found that morning. Walking inside and grabbing a seat, Aragorn ordered a cup of coffee and a sandwich. When his order was brought to him, he pulled out his newspaper and read it while he ate.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Legolas whistled happily as he arranged a particularly ghastly orange flower in a bouquet of other flowers equally as awful.  
  
The elf heard the door open and spun around to greet the customer. He flashed a white-toothed smile and shoved aside his flower arrangement. The elf grinned even wider when he saw who had walked into the shop.  
  
"Hi," said Cotume, coming to lean on the counter.  
  
"Hi," said Hex, standing next to Cotume.  
  
"Hi," said Legolas to both, coming around to give Cotume and Hex a hug.  
  
"Legolas?" Daisy, the owner of the florist shop yelled out. "What are you doing?"  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes and slammed the door to the back closed. "Well, I'm supposed to serve you, what kinda flowers d'you want?" he asked Cotume.  
  
"Dunno," she said. "What hind have you got?"  
  
"Well, there's those big agapanthus things over there, in blue or white, tiger lilies, daisies, roses, in about twelve colours, chrysanthemums, daffodils." the elf began. "And hydrangeas and tulips and arum lilies,"  
  
"Uh," Hex said blankly. "How about some, uh,"  
  
"Some what?" Legolas asked, eager to get Hex and Cotume what they wanted.  
  
Cotume shrugged. "Surprise us," she said, sitting on the counter.  
  
Legolas nodded and rushed around the shop and into the back alternatively, grabbing different flowers. Eventually, the elf compiled a lovely posy of flowers and handed it to Hex.  
  
"Aw, how nice," Hex said and buried her face in the flowers.  
  
Legolas beamed and Handed Cotume a bunch of pretty flowers too. "On the house," he said happily. "You two doing anything next Saturday night?" he asked, leaning on the counter and putting on his cute face.  
  
Cotume shook her head but Hex nodded. "Coming to your party remember?"  
  
The elf nodded. "I was just about to ask you two if you wanted to come, but I forgot I already asked you," he said to Hex. "How about you?" Legolas asked Cotume. "Wanna come to the party? Its fancy dress and Merry and Pippin are hiring a fairy floss machine and Gandalf's organising a DJ."  
  
"Wow, cool, love to." Cotume said happily. "But sorry, we have to go now. We're supposed to be in class."  
  
"You're wagging?" Legolas exclaimed, eyes wide.  
  
Hex and Cotume looked at each other nervously. "Well, no." Cotume said. "We, um, had a free period, yea, that's it."  
  
"Fair enough," replied the elf, shrugging.  
  
Hex suddenly looked at her watch and swore. "Sorry Legs, we've gotta get back." She said.  
  
"Oh, ok. Bye then," said Legolas with a wave.  
  
"See ya on Saturday," Cotume said as she followed Hex out of the shop. Legolas watched as both girls ran down the street at full speed.  
  
Turning back to his flower arrangement Legolas lost track of time. About two hours later, Daisy came out into the front of the shop and told Legolas he could go. The elf beamed and strode out the back, into the car park, and unlocked the hippie van.  
  
The elf was in a very good mood, after seeing his two of his favourite female friends, Legolas was looking forward to his new car. He was supposed to be picking it up that afternoon, but in the meantime, he had to pick Aragorn up.  
  
Plonking into the front seat, the elf turned the ignition and the vehicle roared to life. The elf put his foot down hard and the hippie van zoomed out of the car park and down the road.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lamoo looked at the clock and gasped. It was already 3pm. how on earth did so much time pass, she didn't know. But what Lamoo did know, was that if she wanted to do anything evil, she'd have to hurry.  
  
Haldir opened the garage door fully and pulled a sheet off of his car. More dust flew everywhere, settling in Lamoo's and Haldir's hair, making the elf's look almost grey, and Lamoo, looked like she'd aged 60 years. Shaking her hair everywhere, like a wet dog, Lamoo rid her self of most of the dust. She gasped as she caught sight of Haldir's car. A shiny pink Limo was parked in the Garage, which wasn't exactly very big, it was a mystery to everyone how this limo fitted in Haldir's garage.  
  
"My Lady?" Haldir said, holding open the door for her. Lamoo giggled and climbed inside, seating herself comfortably on the comfy leather seats. Haldir climbed in after her and sat down.  
  
"Haldir, don't you need to drive?" Lamoo asked.  
  
The elf shook his head with a smile. Haldir then pulled out a little remote control from under the seat and pressed the big red button on it. The divider between the driver's seat and the back went down and Lamoo saw a large metal contraption wearing a hat positioned at the steering wheel.  
  
"This," Haldir began, explaining before Lamoo had a chance to ask. "Is the driving thingo V.7.9, all I have to do is punch in where we're going, and it SHOULD get us there ok." With that the elf punched a few buttons on the remote and the thing in the front made a whirring, spluttering sound. It then roared to life and the limo drove carefully out of Haldir's small garage and onto the street.  
  
Lamoo giggled again and took the drink Haldir offered her. "Where'd you come by this?" she asked the elf, who was busy guzzling champagne.  
  
"Friend of Faramir's sold it to me." Haldir said. "Real bargain too."  
  
Lamoo nodded and busied herself with the electric windows. "Up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Frodo groaned and flopped down at the kitchen table. It was about 3 in the afternoon; there was no way Frodo was going to work today. The hobbit put his head in his hands and suddenly felt a craving for some alcohol. He stood up and wandered out into the living room and over to the dresser. In the bottom of it, was Aragorn's stash of Whisky and scotch, and that was exactly what Frodo felt like right now. Perhaps some happy pills too.  
  
He grabbed a glass but nothing touched the bottom if it. Instead, Frodo put the whisky bottle to his lips and drank straight from it. With a hiccup, he placed the bottle back on the top of the dresser and went to get the mail.  
  
Frodo wobbled outside to the mailbox and pulled out the letters that were sitting in it. Rifting through them the hobbit trotted back up the garden path, back into the house.  
  
"Bill, Bill, Bill, monthly issue of Cheese lovers, Bill, Junk mail, Bill, something for Pippin, something for. huh? Elrond? Oh well, Bill, junk mail, letter for Legolas, two letters for Legolas, arg, Damn elf, how come he gets mail? Bill, Bill, postcard from Faramir and Eoywn, another letter for Lego, something for Merry and what a surprise, more junk mail!"  
  
Frodo plonked down the letters on the kitchen table and proceeded to open all the bills. How could there be so many? With a sigh, the hobbit sat down again and ripped open some junk mail, a bored expression on his face. Finding nothing interesting in the orange envelope he opened, the hobbit abandoned the letters to be dealt with later and plonked down in front of the TV. He absent mindedley flipped channels for a moment before settling on a re run of Gardening Australia.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Merry wearily threw down his mop and loosened his tie. Pippin did the same, both hobbits were extremely glad their shift was over. Not they could go home and watch TV, and eat.  
  
Pippin reached into his pocket for his mobile phone, only to discover it was gone. "Merry, do you have my phone?" he asked his cousin. Merry dug through his pockets but shook his head. "Crap," said Pippin.  
  
"You've lost it?!" exclaimed Merry, throwing up his arms. "Where was it last?"  
  
Pippin thought for a minute before replying. "Um," he began, apparently still racking his brain. "I can't remember. Do you have your phone?"  
  
Merry nodded. Pippin nodded also before speaking. "Try ringing my number, we'll see where the ring comes from." He suggested. Merry was amazed by the logicality of it all and agreed. He pulled out his mobile with the glow in the dark cover and punched in Pippin's number. The faintest sound seemed to be coming from the deep fryer in the kitchen.  
  
Merry and Pippin rushed in, following the sound of Pippin's ring tone, sugar plum fairies and Pippin swore loudly again when he heard the ring coming from an extremely large chicken nugget. Running over to the deep fryer Pippin grabbed the nugget and held it to his ear.  
  
"Pip," Merry began, a little disturbed that his cousin was holding a nugget to his ear, talking into it.  
  
"Merry, I deep fried my phone!" Pippin exclaimed. "Help me eat it."  
  
Merry shrugged and helped Pippin nibble away the yummy deep fried stuff. Pippin accidentally bit too far and yelped as his teeth crunched into the screen of the phone. Merry licked his fingers and handed the mobile back to Pippin.  
  
"Thanks," Pippin said, wiping the greasy phone on his pants.  
  
"No problem," Merry replied, putting his hands in his pockets.  
  
Pippin sighed and dialled a number.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Legolas grinned and took a deep breath. Why was it that new cars always smelt different? So nice? And new?  
  
Adjusting his seat a bit to he would have a little more legroom, the elf chuckled. The paper work on the passenger seat, the keys in his hand, Legolas closed the door. With a wave to the car salesman, the elf started the car.  
  
There was a beep coming from behind Legolas and he looked in the rear vision mirror. Aragorn was sitting Happily in the driver's seat of the hippie van, waving. Legolas waved back and honked his own horn. That afternoon, Legolas had picked the ranger up from work before driving both himself and Aragorn to the car dealer so he could pick up his new car and so Aragorn could drive Gandalf's home.  
  
Aragorn drove the purple junk mobile onto the road, followed by the shiny new Porsche.  
  
Legolas turned on the radio and adjusted the station until he found one he liked. Suddenly his phone rang. The elf could hear it somewhere, but he wasn't sure exactly where his phone was. It was only the vibrating against his thigh that told him it was in his pocket, the elf couldn't really hear his Avril Lavigne ring tone very well over the Avril song that was playing on the radio.  
  
He pulled out the phone with one hand and answered it, one hand still in the wheel.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Legolas?"  
  
"Yep,"  
  
"It's Pippin."  
  
"Hi, you want me to come and pick you up?"  
  
"Yea, that'd be great."  
  
"Ok, see you in a bit. Oh, just one more thing,"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Please make sure you're reasonably clean, I don't want ketchup or grease all over the inside of my new car."  
  
"Ok,"  
  
"See you soon."  
  
"Bye"  
  
"Bye" The elf hung up and stuffed his mobile back into his pocket, with some difficulty mind you, he was sitting down.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gandalf jerked awake and wiped the drool off his face and off the keyboard. He'd fallen asleep at the keyboard, while reading Lamoo's other fanfiction. The visitors, *shudder* so boring. Clicking on a flashing box at the top of the screen the wizard chuckled and read the words flashing in orange on the screen.  
  
"Click here to win," The wizard read aloud. With a shrug and a grin, Gandalf clicked the flashing words and waited for the page to load.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
AN/ sorry this chapter took so long, Internet was stuffing up. Hope it gave you a bit of a laugh, as for Legolas, he is very glad I did not harass him this chapter. Party should be soon, no more people can come though, so please don't ask, it really only makes me feel guilty that you cant. Anywhoo, on a lighter note, next chappie should be up soon; I already have ideas for it.  
  
Well, don't forget the R & R! Oh! Then you can go and read some fanfiction. Achoo's LotRseer3350's, Hex's, Paladin Dragoon (formerly Dragon flight)'s great Zoids fics, ah what the heck, just check out my favourites list! One more thing, if you are REALLY bored, do me a favour and read my other fan fic, but you have to be bored, it is LONG. 41 chapters!  
  
Well, bye for now Love Lamoo 


	11. Of sleeping pills, markers and Rimorob

AN/ yay, new chapter. Not going to bother you with annoying author notes, I'll get right to the story.  
  
After I reply to the reviews of course.  
  
Oddwen: what? You like Leggy bashing? Well, I have to admit, so do I, but I thought our darling elf could do with a break. Why did u quit your job at BK? *Shrug* not really my business.hmm, terminator. yes. good idea. Oh yea, read some of your stories the other day, the review thing wouldn't work. The Pippin's diary one is very funny, heck, so are almost all of the others! Thanks for the review!  
  
Claire: Hey! Thanks for the review! Means a lot to me. Glad to know you love this fic makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. ( Ah, Gimli's costume, surprised you didn't guess. but you'll just have to wait till the party for that!  
  
Kiss the Flame: Funny? Yay! Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy (we Luvs ren and stimpy too, especially powdered toast man. Tee hee) Legolas in the bath, an image of my perverted elf fancying brain. Nice thought, yes we NEED more Legolas yummy ness. If I feel good I might make him walk around with no top on. mwa haa. You jealous of Hex and Cotume's flowers huh? How come? I might have more in store for the rest of you!  
  
Miranda@lotr.com: you said I had to write more so here I am writing more. Happy? Well, I bet you'd be happier if I said you COULD have your random appearance. Don't forget the fic still goes on AFTER the party. Will see if I can do something special for you then. But for now, you will have to be content with a random appearance somewhere or you could gatecrash the party. Haldir might want some help. You liked Pippin's mobile? Mmm, deep- fried stuff, yum.  
  
Snowmane: don't like Parodies huh? Glad you liked this one because a parody it is not. Btw, please put your arse back on; there are hobbits around here! Please!  
  
Kiftyuthonaerantae: which websites do you think Gandalf should give the fellowship's details too? Hmm, that's an idea worth thinking about. Thanks for that! Party should be soon, couple of chapters maybe. Enjoy this one!  
  
Holly: Frodo, just like me, never seems to get mail. I luv getting mail but no one ever sends me any. *grumble* I know exactly what you mean with the stupid 'site experiencing overload' thing. so annoying. Especially when you really want to read something and it wont load! Arg! Glad, VERY glad you think the last chappie was worth the wait? Aww, thankies!  
  
Aelimir: almost fell out of your chair? Good thing you didn't, cos it's a bit hard to read stuff on the computer screen from the floor. ( With Frodo's light bulb bit, I've always wanted to do that, hehe. And I do agree with you, I should go easier on Gandalf, I only just noticed ive been leaving him out a lot lately. Don't worry; he'll get plenty of action during the party! You can be sure of that!  
  
LotRseer3350: Thingo, great word isn't it. You want to steal Frodo's mail? Ah! That explains why he never gets any! Home shopping, how about Gandalf? Or Gimli, or. RIMOROB!! (Boromir hast been in this fic yet. where is he I wonder?) Well, here is the update, hope you forgive me for taking so long.  
  
Achoo: Mr Bean's problem? Ah, well Mr Bean is actually this dude called Ryan who's in some of my classes at school, he's a bit of an anti-Legolas person and thinks I'm a bit of a sick puppy for writing about Legolas in the bath. I think its ok.  
  
Legolas stalker/ Laura/ lorenzo1/ Archibald/ Willoughby/ stupid/ Blondie/ hey kid move/ sandwich/ shuddup Laura/ the mystik foo foo, ruler of the air: if you get any more names I'm just gonna call you Laura or Legolas stalker, takes too long for me to type em all properly! Well, what can I say, thankyou so much! You reviews mean heaps to me! Luv them I do! Bubba will keep on writing till her fingers drop off, then she'll find some superglue, glue em back on and write some more. Deep fried cell phone sounds yummy, only the deep-fried bit though.  
  
Inweofnargothrond: a lot of damage? Hmm, that gives me an idea, an evil idea. Cracker jacks, cool! I want one! Sound yummy! We have those sorta thingos here too, 'cept they're not called cracker jacks and they don't have the prize thingy. You know what candyfloss is? Well, fairy floss is the exact same thing. Really yummy! Merry's ketchup McFlurry, well, ive never actually heard that Eminen song, I don't really listen to any of his, in my opinion, eminem is a wanker. sorry if you like him. Speaking of music, Avril is even eviller than I realised. *shudder* also hate the windows you talked about. how come they won't go down properly! Arg! Annoying! When I get my licence, (which could take a while, I'm only 13.: P) I want a red Mini cooper, with the number plate either hobbit or Pippin. Oh dear, I seem to be ranting on again. Enjoy this chappie! Oh wait, one more thing, Gardening Australia is this really ANNOYING, BAD, BORING show on TV! Ack! Dull dull dull! No one in his or her right mind, except perhaps my grandma, would willingly watch it!  
  
Anelith: yay! Deep fried phone was a success! And the cars! I'd rather have a red mini cooper myself, but I thought Legolas's car should be a really good one and Haldir HAD to have something pink that was unexpected! Here is the update. hope I didn't leave you hanging.  
  
Saturndragon: purple hair? Definitely, I just dyed mine this reddish purple, looks really cool! Anything and everything. no Avril though. *shudder* enjoy this chappie!  
  
Mr Bean: hey! Guess what! Have a look at my website! Updated I did, clever? Hehe. Got my hair cut too, REALLY short now. Hehe, and this reddish purple colour. But it'll probably be back to normal colour by the time school's back. You probably don't care much about what I'm saying do you? Hmm, didn't think so. *Sigh* I love Leggie, why you disgusted? Wait, don't answer that.  
  
Paladin Dragoon: hey hey! Your reviews are always great to read! Thanks! Deep-fried. Yummies. Poor old cell phone. still works though. Hehe. Plenty of Pizza and pepper for Loki, plenty of evilness. Good idea with Gandalf! Hehe. Cya next chappie!  
  
Marissa03: sorry I didn't reply to your review in the last chapter. I only just read it when I was putting the other one online. You think I'm funny? Goody! Hehe, be prepared for more me!! Or not. Maybe that's not such a good thing. Anyway, enjoy!  
  
Nomad: hey chum! I see your Internet's working again. When you read this you'll probably be in New Zealand. Say hi to your parents for me! You waiting for some action? Maybe not here, but definitely soon, party in a few chapters! Enjoy!  
  
Phew that took a while. Before I write the disclaimer, I just need to say that there will be no updates of anything in the next two weeks. I'm on school holidays and I'm going to Queensland, gold coast! Yay, sea, sun, sand. but sadly no computers and that means no fanfiction. Please don't get cross with me for not updating, now you know why.  
  
And the disclaimer.  
  
Disclaimer: I just finished eating some ice cream, with sprinkles. But what I'd really like is an elf with sprinkles. Hehe. Much to my dismay and annoyance, I can have my elf with sprinkles so I have to write about my elf with sprinkles without actually hurting him. And you know that elf. guess who. he would cry if I ate his friends, and maybe the annoying hobbits too, and I don't want Leggsie to cry, so unfortunately, I cant hurt any other member of the fellowship, too much. Everything recognisable belongs to fantastic Mr Tolkien, reviewers own themselves and I would never actually WANT to own Avril Lavigne.  
  
All right, here is chapter 11! Enjoy!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Previously, in 'The fellowship and the elf next door', Pippin deep fried his phone, Merry made a Mcflurry, Lamoo cut up Legolas's jeans. The elf got a new car and was in a reasonably good mood and Frodo collected the mail.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
(AN/ ok, this will be quick,)  
  
Basically, everyone arrived home, Gandalf came out of his room, Gimli appeared from wherever he'd been all day, Haldir and Lamoo came back from buying party whistles and confetti and Sam was busy cooking.  
  
Sam hummed while he sprinkled some herbs on the yummy stuff he was cooking. Giving the pot of sauce a quick stir, the hobbit left his 'garnishing' to place some potatoes in the oven.  
  
Lamoo and Haldir were sitting at the kitchen table watching Sam cook. Haldir had brought Lamoo back to the fellowship's for dinner and everyone was in a fairly good mood so there were no objections.  
  
Legolas was having a shower, Aragorn was reading his magazine, 'cheese lovers monthly', and Frodo, Merry and Pippin were working on their costumes for the party. As for Gimli and Gandalf, the dwarf was sitting at the table; writing out invitations and Gandalf was licking stamps.  
  
The bathroom door opened and steam came gushing out into the hall. Legolas appeared looking very refreshed as well as clean, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and another wrapped around his head.  
  
"Ah, much better." He said to himself with a smile. "Whatcha cooking Sam?" Legolas asked the hobbit, noticing the delightful smell wafting around the kitchen.  
  
Sam beamed, pleased that someone had noticed he'd made a special effort with tonight's meal. "Well Mr Legolas," he began. "First comes a yummy pumpkin soup with lovely crusty rolls."  
  
Legolas licked his lips.  
  
Sam continued. "Then there's Pork chops with apple sauce and potatoes and salad."  
  
Everyone in the room sighed happily.  
  
"And for desert cherry pie and vanilla ice cream." Sam announced putting his hands on his hips, still beaming.  
  
"That," Legolas replied. "Sounds great."  
  
Sam almost burst with joy; no one had ever complimented his cooking. But then, Legolas hadn't eaten it yet.  
  
The elf seated himself next to Haldir and shook his hair out of the towel wrapped around his head. A hairbrush seemed to appear out of nowhere and Legolas set to work de-knotting his hair. It didn't exactly take much; there were no knots anyway.  
  
Lamoo frowned. How come her hair couldn't do that instead of becoming a messy birds nest of brown fuzz?  
  
Sam picked up a tiny little bell and rang it. But instead of making a delicate tinkling sound, a massive boom, like that of a gong, rang throughout the house. Haldir flinched and put his hands over his ears. But the ringing in his ears caused by silver bell continued.  
  
All thoughts were forgotten when Sam placed the food on the dining table. The fellowship plus Haldir and Lamoo, dug into the food. All except Sam, he waited politely for everyone else to eat theirs first. No one ever assumed there was a reason for this.  
  
Pippin was first to go. The hobbit was hungrily lapping up applesauce when he suddenly fell unconscious onto his plate. No one turned a head; Pippin was prone to going out cold at odd times. It wasn't until Gandalf and Aragorn collapsed into their plates that anyone started to notice something was happening.  
  
Lamoo apparently didn't, she continued wolfing down her food, with sauce smeared all over her face and potato spilt in her lap, as well as a large soup stain down the front of Legolas's jersey, that she was still wearing. All of a sudden, she gave a moan and her eyes went all unfocused. She too fell, but not face first onto the table, Lamoo toppled over sideways and landed on the floor.  
  
Legolas and Haldir looked down as Lamoo fell to the floor and they too toppled over. Merry winced and got up to fetch a tea towel. The hobbit shook his head and threw the towel over Legolas's back side; his towel had sort of begun to fall off.  
  
Soon the only conscious members at the table were Sam, Gimli, Merry and Frodo. Sam had a rather evil grin plastered on his face, Frodo was looking rather giddy and Merry was poking at his pork with a spoon. As for Gimli, nothing seemed to be affecting him, the dwarf still had his head buried his food, potato and bits of lettuce sticking in his beard.  
  
"Whassa ma'er?" The dwarf mumbled through a mouthful food, desert now.  
  
Frodo shrugged and began to speak. "Why is everyone un." he began before this hobbit too sunk back into his seat and slid out of it onto the floor.  
  
"Frodo?" Merry said cautiously. "Frodo?" he repeated, a little more panic in his voice. "Sam, what's happening?"  
  
Sam put on his most innocent face and shrugged.  
  
Merry narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. Soon the hobbit began to feel blackness nibbling at the edge of his mind. Sleep..  
  
Merry collapsed. Now it was only Gimli and Sam. Sam was getting inpatient, how long did it take for sleeping pills to take effect on dwarves? Merry, Pippin, Gandalf and Aragorn were all snoring contentedly into their piles of dinner, Legolas and Frodo were both lying on the floor, their limbs bent at odd angles, Legolas's towel had began to come undone at the back, and out of decency, Merry had thrown a tea towel over the elf's bare backside. Lamoo was curled up in a ball while Haldir had sort of collapsed on top of her. Gimli however was still gleefully bolting down his food. Sam was now getting very, very impatient.  
  
He made sure Gimli was busy looking at his cherry pie and ice cream, and went to fetch the rolling pin. Sneakily grabbing it out of a drawer, the hobbit crept behind Gimli. Raising the rolling pin above his head Sam brought it down hard on top of Gimli's. The dwarf didn't even flinch. The impact he did not even seem to notice. Sam sighed crossly and whacked Gimli again. Nothing worked. Sighing again in an exasperated way, Sam dropped the rolling pin and trotted into Aragorn's room.  
  
He nicked the sword that was lying on the bed, all tucked in, a little teddy bear next to it. (Aragorn made sure his blade was happy.) Un- sheathing it, the hobbit gripped the hilt. With a yell, he brought the hilt of it to collide with the side of Gimli's head. This time the hobbit was pleased with the effect. Gimli mumbled something incoherent and slumped forward into his desert.  
  
Sam threw the sword down, panting and gave an evil cackle. Running into his own room, he ran straight to the desk, on which sat a fat, black permanent marker. Smirking Sam grabbed it and dashed back out to the dining room. Popping off the top, the hobbit twiddled the pen in his fingers before deciding on a victim.  
  
Aragorn seemed to be in the deepest sleep to the hobbit hauled him backwards out of his plate and wiped the mess all over his face off with a tea towel (a different tea towel, not Legolas's one.) Sam laughed again and began to draw. He was not the world's best artist, but if he wanted to graffiti someone's face, he could do a pretty good job.  
  
Taking the marker, he carefully drew a thick black moustache with a matching goatee on Aragorn's face. The ranger still hadn't had a proper shave in a while so Sam found it challenging to navigate the pen around all the scraggy stubble. Still, even with this challenge presenting itself, Sam drew a lovely moustache, goatee plus a monocle on the ranger's face.  
  
The hobbit moved onto his next victim. That was of course, after he went to fetch his coloured markers. Pulling out the bright blue one, Sam moved over to Legolas. After rolling him over, Sam played noughts and crosses (AN/ aka tic-tac-toe) on Legolas's face. The elf's hair was still wet so the naughty hobbit thought about seeing if it would spike up with the right amount of gel and careful blow-drying. But, he decided, he would do that last, just in case anyone woke up. The sleeping tablet box had said that one tablet was supposed to keep you out cold for a few hours; Sam had slipped about four into each person's food. They should be out for a while. With another grin, he drew fake scars all over Legolas's face and coloured the elf's nose in purple. After colouring in the elf's eyebrows red and his eyelids green, Sam moved along.  
  
Merry and Pippin were both slumped in their food so Sam decided to work with that. Using the applesauce that was plopped on Pippin's plate, the hobbit used it to gel Merry's hair. Furrowing his brow, the hobbit wandered over to the pantry, deciding he needed more materials to work with. Grabbing a few things, such as ketchup, yoghurt, some chilli sauce and honey, Sam set about smearing them all over Merry and Pippin's faces. After he had lugged Frodo off the floor, he did the same to him too. Not to forget his trusty felt tips, the hobbit decided to give each of his friends clown type makeup. Pleased with his work, Sam moved on yet again.  
  
"Not much I can do with Gandalf,' he thought to himself as he surveyed the slumbering wizard. With a shrug, Sam did the best he could, squirting ketchup into Gandalf's hair and bear, which previously was white, the wizards hair ended up a shocking shade of reddish pink. With a frown, Sam decided he'd better not try anything else on Gandalf, even though he looked like a complete loopy loo, Sam knew Gandalf was pretty powerful, when it came to the art of.. Ready for it?. drum roll please. cooking pasta. yes, cooking pasta. Sam was terrified of Pasta, especially Fettuccini. That's why he never cooked it.  
  
Sam left Gandalf to slumber in peace and went to see what he could do to mutate Lamoo and Haldir's faces. Crouching down next to the snoozing Lamoo, Sam drew whiskers on her face, a few pretend scars, a moustache as well as a little sign on her forehead that said 'back in 5 minutes'. Sam didn't know what possessed him to write that, but he did. On Haldir's face, the hobbit drew, with his trusty back marker, a big hairy mole. And another, and another. Soon Haldir's face was nothing by a nose a mouth, two eyes and a collection of hairy moles.  
  
Satisfied, the hobbit went on to draw more various things on every face bar his own, which had not yet been touched by his art, as he called it.  
  
Aragorn groaned and his eyelids flickered open. Luckily for Sam, he had bolted as soon as he heard the ranger moan. Now hiding in the panty, Sam was convinced he was safe. How wrong he was.  
  
There was a series of ear splitting yells as well as a cuss word or two, or three, or one hundred and sixteen, from various people as they awoke and, seeing each other's faces, realised they'd been struck by someone who's mind was bent on pure evil.  
  
Lamoo giggled as she counted the drawn moles and Haldir's face. He was still asleep but those awake were making enough noise to wake a herd of hibernating dolphins! (AN/ yes, I know dolphins don't hibernate. how stupid do you think I am? Wait, don't answer that.) Aragorn screamed when he saw his reflection in the window. Legolas stood up, blushing then remembering to grab his towel. Wrapping it securely round his waist, the elf picked up a spoon and gasped as he looked at his own reflection mirrored on the back of the spoon.  
  
Merry, Pippin and Frodo were all pointing a laughing at one another before each of them realised they were as bad as everyone else.  
  
"What in the name of Lamoo's flying farts happened here!?" bellowed Gimli.  
  
"Isn't it obvious shorty?" replied Legolas dryly.  
  
Gimli rolled his eyes and decided it would be best to ignore the elf, so much for Legolas's good mood that day. "Hobbits? Any ideas? How about you author person?"  
  
Merry, Pippin and Frodo looked at each other and shrugged, as did Lamoo, who was furiously trying to wipe off the 'back in 5 minutes' sign.  
  
"How should I know?" she asked. "By the way, I do have a name."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Lamoo rolled her eyes and decided to ignore Gimli. He was being a meanie.  
  
"Lauren, LAUREN!!!" she bellowed.  
  
"Lauren?! I thought you were Lamoo," remarked Gandalf.  
  
"Ha!" Pippin broke in, " I knew you didn't know everything!"  
  
Gandalf scowled. "Be quiet," he growled, "I'll make some pasta." the wizard let the threat hang. There was no response from either of the three hobbits standing before him.  
  
"We like pasta," Frodo said. "It's Sam who is scared of it."  
  
"Speaking of the pudgy hobbit, where is he?" Haldir asked,  
  
Everyone looked around and for the first time seemed to notice Sam was not present.  
  
"SAMWISE GAMGEE!!!" bellowed Gandalf, as he along with the others seemed to piece together what had happened. There was a small, frightened squeak from the pantry and everyone stormed into the kitchen.  
  
Legolas was first to the cupboard. Before he threw open the door, ready to murder the hobbit that had played noughts and crosses on his face and given him red eyebrows, the elf grabbed a very sharp knife out of the top drawer. Putting on a smooth, seemingly calm voice, he rapped on the door and spoke. "Sam?" There was another squeak. "It's me, Lego. Not going to hurt you." He said. 'Much' was the thought that bounced around Legolas's mind. "Come out, I've got some chocolate, and Lamoo wants to give you a hug. She loves her whiskers."  
  
"I have whiskers?!" Lamoo cried. She picked up a saucepan and gaped at her reflection on the side.  
  
"Shh," Haldir put his hand over Lamoo's mouth and nodded towards the door.  
  
Lamoo nodded and put down the saucepan. Catching on to Legolas's plan she spoke in the gentlest, kindest voice she could muster. "Sammy? It's Lamoo. Like Legolas said, we've a present for you. It was a wonderful dinner and my whiskers are so beautiful." She said  
  
"But Aragorn's there." Sam replied, his voice muffled from inside the pantry.  
  
"No he's not." Retorted Legolas. "He was being a bad boy, we sent him to his room."  
  
"Hey!" Aragorn remarked.  
  
"Shh!"  
  
"Oh," came the reply from the ranger.  
  
"So, what do you say?" Legolas asked the hobbit.  
  
Sam sighed audibly from inside the cupboard. "Ok,"  
  
Legolas grinned evilly, not for the first time, and careful opened the door. Sam screamed when he saw the elf standing there, his face livid, clutching a chef's knife in one hand and holding Aragorn back with the other. Dropping his calm voice the elf yelled. "HOW DARE YOU COLOUR MY NOSE PURPLE FAT HOBBIT!!!" he roared, brandishing the knife.  
  
The front door suddenly burst open and in came Elrond, Arwen, Galadriel, the twins and surprisingly, Boromir as well as a small blonde personage.  
  
"Alright, break it up!" yelled Elrond over the top of the scuffle.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn as well as Merry all chose to ignore this comment and instead they sprang onto Sam, hoping to main him horribly before killing him.  
  
"I said BREAK IT UP!" roared Elrond again, raising his voice. Nothing happened so Elrond nodded to the twins, Boromir, Galadriel and Arwen. All five of them set about restraining the rabid elf, furious ranger and infuriated hobbit. It took both Elrohir and Elladan to hold Aragorn back, Merry was sat on by the small blonde and Arwen grabbed Legolas by the hair and dragged him down while Galadriel held a hammer ready to knock the elf out if he did anything hasty. Boromir grabbed the elf by his shoulders and forced him onto the floor, even though Legolas put up a huge fight.  
  
"Thankyou," squeaked Sam, stepping out of the pantry and coming to stand behind Elrond.  
  
"No problem." The elf with the eyebrows replied.  
  
"What happened?" asked the small blonde who was sitting on Merry and tickling his feet.  
  
"Sam drew on our faces, he cant deny it!" replied Aragorn, who's legs had been tied together with a skipping rope. Elrohir was forcing the ranger's head onto the bench while his twin held Aragorn's hands behind his back.  
  
"Sam?" Elrond enquired.  
  
"Eep."  
  
"Did you do something?"  
  
"Um, yes." The hobbit replied. "But I'm gonna go now."  
  
Elrond shrugged and let the hobbit retreat to the safety of his bedroom. Once he was sure the hobbit's door was locked from the inside, he gave the signal for Legolas Aragorn and Merry to be released.  
  
Lamoo helped the small blonde off Merry's back and immediately realised who the itsy person was. "Ainsley?"  
  
"Hiya!" Ainsley replied.  
  
"Who's this?" Frodo asked.  
  
"My sister, Frodo, this is Ainsley. Claudie, this is the smelly hobbit I write about all the time." Lamoo replied. "By the way, why did you stop Leggie from killing Sam?"  
  
"Leggie?!"  
  
"Shut up elf." Lamoo said.  
  
Ainsley smiled. "Cos I was playing hopscotch at Rimorob's and he didn't want to leave me alone at his place. Didn't trust me I suppose." She said.  
  
Lamoo nodded. "We should go." She said simply, looking at her watch. "Mum will eat us alive if we're not home soon."  
  
Ainsley nodded and she and Lamoo strode out of the house.  
  
"Thank God!" Boromir said with a sigh of relief. "Was that little midget Lamoo's sister?"  
  
Pippin nodded but shrugged. "I guess."  
  
Boromir frowned. "That's where she gets her evilness and annoying traits from."  
  
"Just a question," Elladan broke in. "who the hell is Rimorob?"  
  
Boromir sighed and shook his head. "Don't worry elf." He said.  
  
"Hey Rimorob," Legolas said, catching on. "I thought you were dead."  
  
Boromir shook his head. "No. You idiots pushed me over the waterfall, after Gimli shot me." He replied.  
  
"Gimli?!"  
  
"Yes, the dwarf. You might be surprised." Boromir replied again with a sigh.  
  
Everyone shrugged and dropped the subject. Suddenly, once he noticed Arwen was not holding his hair in her claw like fingers anymore, Legolas stood up. "Well, you're not moving in here with us." He said bluntly.  
  
Boromir shrugged. "That's no problem. Why would I want to be in the same street as dizzy wizzy, smelly hobbits, a ranger who hates my guts."  
  
"I so do not hate you!"  
  
"Fine, a ranger who doesn't know the meaning of the word bath, a dwarf."  
  
"What's wrong with dwarves?"  
  
"Everything!" replied the Gondorian. "They smell, cant cook, short, did I mention they smell, they're cranky, bitchy at times."  
  
"Humph."  
  
"Not to mention an elf who acts like he has bloody PMS every bloody day!"  
  
Legolas's eyes blazed with anger. "At least I don't carry a dinner plate around everywhere, and I don't have any ugly bumfluff, let alone your legs. Could you imagine what would happen if I had your legs?! Ugh!"  
  
Boromir's eyes narrowed. "The dinner plate as you call it, is a shield, the bum fluff you called my stubble is very manly and I happen to like me legs, as do all my fan girls!"  
  
"You don't have any fan girls! No body likes you!" Legolas retorted.  
  
Pippin decided to add a comment to the conversation. "Lego,"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"You just sounded disturbingly like Gollum."  
  
Legolas sneered at the hobbit who was sent to cower behind Elrond who was still standing in the middle of the kitchen.  
  
Boromir cleared his throat. "I do too have fan girls, too many to same any off the top of my head."  
  
"Yea, whatever."  
  
"Well at least I don't have to shoot wimpy arrows to defend myself, and I don't wear tights, not do I look like a girl!" Boromir said crossly, hoping to make the elf say something smart arsey back at him.  
  
To everyone watching, Legolas seemed to become very dangerous at that particular moment. Lifting his head and raising his eyebrows in a would be calm way, the elf retaliated. "Dear human, may I remind you that it was arrows that supposedly killed you?" Legolas dropped the calm act. "And these are not tights! I do not wear tights! These are Leggings! LEGGINGS!!!" the elf roared.  
  
Merry and Frodo muttered something to each other that sounded remarkably like "no tights, yea, except for his ballet ones."  
  
Legolas, hearing what the hobbits had said, rounded on Merry and Frodo. "You're next." He said in a dangerously low voice.  
  
Both hobbits gulped.  
  
"Legolas," broke in Arwen. " I have an idea."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"I suggest you go and have a nice soak in the tub and cool down your temper a bit."  
  
"Wrong thing to say." Muttered Aragorn to Gandalf.  
  
"The tub? As in bathtub? I don't think so. Last time I took a bath, that loony authoress person walked in, while I was playing with my duckies!" Legolas cried. "I'm going to bed."  
  
"Good idea." Elrond said, hoping the elf would be somewhat clam by morning.  
  
Arwen and Galadriel escorted Legolas to his room, mainly to make sure he didn't try to bolt and attack Boromir, or kick down Sam's door, but also because this particular male elf was still only wearing a towel. No shirt or anything else really. Aragorn was all right in Arwen's opinion, a bit on the smelly and hairy side. As for Celeborn, Galadriel was almost certain she had never seen him without a shirt on without being drunk. Both females rather enjoyed perving on other males, especially good looking ones. And as far as Legolas was concerned, in the eyes of almost every female he met, he was the meaning of good looking, which was an understatement.  
  
"Um, goodnight." Legolas said, feeling a bit uncomfortable with Arwen's hands on his back and Galadriel's on his shoulder.  
  
"Nightie night." Galadriel replied.  
  
Legolas raised an eyebrow and hurried into his room, breaking free of Arwen and Galadriel. He then slammed the door behind him and pushed his desk in front of it. With a sigh the elf rummaged through his wardrobe for a pair of boxers. Ducking behind the cupboard door, so purvey Lamoo couldn't write about it, Legolas changed.  
  
He then flopped into bed and screamed into his pillow.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Uh, Boromir?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"We should get going. I don't really want to be here in the morning when Legolas hets up." Elrohir said.  
  
Boromir nodded and followed everyone else out of the house.  
  
"Night,"  
  
"Bye,"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Frodo slipped between the covers and fell asleep, hoping Sam would let them get take away tomorrow night.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ everyone happy? Long chappie! Sorry it took so long though. As I said before, definitely no updates in the next 2 weeks. If I read and review your stories, no reviews either, sorry. Going on holidays and as far as I now, I can't get access to a computer. Should have lots of fresh ideas when I get back though.  
  
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Bye, must go and pack, leaving tomorrow.  
  
Love Lamoo  
  
Oh yea, don't forget to review! 


	12. The appearance of Mel and Gimli's costum

AN/ hey guys! Lamoo's back! Everybody happy? Good! Sorry I kept you all hanging for a while, but to make up for it, this chappie will be nice and long.  
  
Reviews! Woo hoo! Luv u guys! By the way, do you people ever actually read the replies I write to your reviews? Never mind.  
  
Paladin Dragoon: decided to put you in this one, so Loki can chop carrots or something. Hope you like it!  
  
LOTR FREAK: my advice for this chapter, don't eat any gum… Gandalf might steal it… or not. Hehe. Well, what can I say? I'm flattered that this is your fav funny LOTR fic. Thankyou! Party. Next chappie ok with you? Might make it a pool party so Leggsie can wear Speedos. Hehe.  
  
Holly: Me? High on sugar? Tut tut, never! Actually I wasn't, that was me normal. But I've just finished eating a whole packet of starburst lollies so I'm feeling a little hypo. Happy, VERY happy you liked Sam's little bit of mischief, it was a succuss! Yay! And yes, Lego does not wear tights, dancers wear tights and Legolas couldn't dance, ballet anyway, to save himself… don't blame him for getting angry really, do you? And his boxers, yum! Hehe, yes, I am a bit disturbed as well as hypo… bad combination. Hopefully, well, with a bit of luck and some funny ideas, this chappie should become your new favourite!  
  
Claire: hey! Had a wonderful time on Holidays but I'm back and ready to write. Hope I didn't leave you hanging for too long, nothing is more annoying than an author who doesn't update (a bit rich coming from me) enjoy this next chappie!  
  
Nomad: hi Nellie! Now, unless this chappie takes me a while to get up, you WILL be in NZ when you read this. Not that that's going to chance what I write really. Party should be next chapter so be prepared for lots of silliness! Had a Fab trip! Hope you did too. Enjoy this chapter!  
  
Banx: yay! Haldir fan! You sound a lot like my sis. She is obsessed with Haldir. I have to admit, he is rather cute, ah heck, he's hot… and an elf… but I still like Leggie better. Well, don't mind me. Oh yea, how come u got to see Pirates of the Caribbean! You from the states? Lucky you, stupid Australia supposedly doesn't get it until September… *screams and breaks down in tears* you really think this is the fic for the obsessed fangirl? Well, that wasn't really the idea, but I love it! Where did Elrond come from? Ah, that's part of his mystery (in other words, I haven't a clue) and yes, he is invited to the party, I'm sorta drifting between two costume choices for him, but you WILL recognise him… well, if you don't then I'm going to be a little annoyed. And more Lego partial nudity? I think that can be arranged….  
  
Cotume: hehe, thought you might like that bit. *Grins* but you'd better pick the elf off the floor, I need him for this chappie. Clever penguins, where can I buy one? Maybe they'll kidnap me some elves or perhaps a silly little hobbit. And no, you have not NEARLY enough sugar, sugar is good and it makes everything seem so much funnier! Hehe, enjoy!  
  
Dark Omen: hehe, Pervy Galadirek? I think you mean Galadriel, *mutters under breath* stupid keyboard, damn dwarf imitation…. Unfortunately, we probably won't see much more of Galadriel until the party. But look up; it's going to be next chapter! I had a lovely holiday, but its great to be back writing again…  
  
Laura/ Legolas stalker: Leggie in a towel… yes, I am disturbed, but you don't mind do you? How come you lucky pplz in anywhere but Australia get POTC?!! We have to wait 'till @#$%^&! September! Arg! How was Florida? Did you go to ORLANDO? Tee hee, I'm lame I know… the jelly fish bit didn't sound like much fun… neither does PMS, Evil PMS, we hates it!! And yes! Despite popular opinion, Rimorob IS alive! Who ever would have guessed! But yes, that dwarf is very sneaky! I suck at staring contests, and I also suck at typing stuff not looking at the puter screen. But I DO know what its like to have an annoying sis, a poo head too! But luckily she'd rather watch TV then go on the puter. Phew! Thanks for the idea about the rubbing alcohol, I didn't know actually, I've never had my face drawn on with a permanent marker… thanks for the tip tho. Oh yea, a little something for you…  
  
*Legolas hugs Laura back and gives her a kiss. He beams when she un purpled his purple nose. He then gives her another kiss then disappears* Hope u liked that, enjoy this chappie!  
  
Marissa03: I rock! Woo hoo! I rock (supposedly) thankies HEAPS for your review! Reviews mean everything to me! Hope you get a good laugh outta this chapter, that's the main aim.  
  
Aelimir: what made you think Sam couldn't do something so horibible to our fellowship buddies? Well, maybe because he's a hobbit, but that's beside the point. You think Gandalf was better? That's good. He was rather annoying when he stayed in his room the whole time. I like licking stamps, but not the ones that are sticky already… You like Boromir? That's good, very good. I have to admit, I don't particularly, but he's ok. And has potential to be corrupted. Unfortunately we wont see him again until the party, to which he turns up uninvited to…party SHOULD be next chappie. But while I write that, have a laugh at this chapter.  
  
Kiftyuthonaerantae: yay! Review! *Feeling very happy* sleeping pills… that's an idea… hehe. I can't cook either, I usually stuff up stuff like toast and I have bad luck cooking potatoes. Enjoy this chappie, cos I'm having a ball writing it!  
  
Tegz: great to hear from you again. Happy you liked the last chapter, even though your review was a bit brief. I appreciate it none the less.  
  
Oddwen: The dreaded please come back messages, pure evil they are! I like Leggy bashing, but I don't like hurting my fav elf. That doesn't make much sense, but maybe if I say I like to torment him but not physically injure him it might be a bit clearer. Ooh, Itemized Tax Returns, groovy! Sam is also very groovy. My kinda guy too. Except I'd be a bit afraid to eat anything he cooked again… can you blame me? I HAD WHISKERS!!! Ok, I have noticed I'm ranting a tad here so I'll stop and leave you to read the story. Have a laugh!  
  
Achoo: no, Gandalf didn't do too much damage with the stamp licking, not that I know of anyway. Towel clad leggsies, almost as good as boxer shorts clad leggsies. Heh. Oh yea, what do you mean 'late for the next chappie?'  
  
Inweofnargothrond: hey, guess what! I found out what those crackerjack type things we have here are called… lolly gobble bliss bombs…. Hehe, I luv that word! So cool! No candyfloss? Maybe the word I'm looking for is cotton candy, or spun sugar maybe? But yes, Avril is rather evil, as are windows that only go down halfway!! Luv the idea of your watermelon car! Also, you've never had a party whistle?! They are the best things about parties! Mind you, Legolas in a towel blows party whistles outta da water! But Sam's cooking leaves something to be desired. But I do have to point out that it is about a million times better than mine. Oh yea, just remembered something funny, my friend Rach was boiling some eggs and she burnt the bench and the saucepan… hehe. Hmm, since when has Pippin been a bird? *Shrug* maybe its just me. But surely everyone knows how thick skulled dwarves are… don't they? And in this fic, there is no such thing as over dosing on sleeping pills, the fellowship are very resilient and the pills were kinda dodgy anyway. And Aragorn is ALWAYS cute! Cept when he's smooching Arwen, that's icky…pasta? Oh dear, don't tell Sam… he don't like pasta. Who's Lauren? Now that's a stupid question if I ever heard one! Lauren is Lamoo, Lamoo is Lauren, Lamoo and Lauren are ME!! Ok, just thought I'd clarify that. The midget is my sis and you've probably gathered that. I like dolphins too, on my holiday we saw some dolphins and some whales, and my sis got sea sick, but you didn't need to know that. Wow, I really seem to be ranting now, I think I've covered everything in your review so I might stop so I still have a little bit of energy for writing this chappie!  
  
Mr Bean: I cant thank you enough for RP-ing for me over that last little while. Also thankies for your review, but I just have to say one teensy thing…. Legolas DOES NOT WEAR TIGHTS!! THEY ARE FLIPPIN LEGGINGS!! Oh yea, who says Gimli is bitchy? Boromir! And I thought we'd learnt not to take anything he says very seriously. You want to know what I mean when I said Leggie was the meaning of good looking, which was an understatement? Well, basically what I'm saying is that I am a rabid fangirl and I am convinced that Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood, is the hottest thing to be ever invented! He is hotness embodied! Get the idea sort of? Well, I can't really expect you to think along the same lines as me can I? You are a guy and I might be a little scared if you suddenly agreed with me…phew, I feel so much better now. Thanks for the review anyway, hope this one gives you a bit of a laugh… but from now on, unless I decide otherwise, Legolas wears Jeans or Boardies or other normal people pants. Ok? Have a laugh at this one! Oh yea, there's a little bit I put in that I'm sure you're going to like.  
  
LotRseer3350: Beautimus? Hmm, what a cool word! Mind if I use it? Party should be next chapter and I'm certain it will be the best one yet. Tee hee. Happy you liked the last one though. What possessed Sam to drug everyone and draw on their faces you ask? Everything! Well, mainly just because I was bored and I felt like doing some fellowship bashing, and Sam seemed like the perfect candidate to do some. Hehe. Now does everyone see why it is not smart to tick off an elf? Hehe. Well, here is an update cos I was so horrible and went on my holiday while you lot were waiting for another chapter. Enjoy it! Should have heaps of sillies!  
  
Hex of the Unseelie: howdy Hex. You're happy! That's good! You liked your flowers? Thought you might! I'm happy too, TWO reviews since I last updated from u, Danke! Yes! Rimorob! The triumphant appearance of Rimorob! And I certainly agree that Leggie and Mr cranky Gondor pants need counselling sessions. That gives me a great idea for after the party. Thanks for that! But yes, Rimorob did get a bit bashed, but he's big enough to stand up for himself. And who doesn't love the mental image of Leggsie dearest in a towel? *Drool*  
  
Phew, that took a while. Only the disclaimer until I can finally start writing the proper chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: I have a big poster of my beloved elf on my wardrobe door and a Leggie action figure amongst other stuff, but sadly, the elf does not belong to me, there fore I cannot dismantle him bit by bit, tamper with him then stick him back together with gum. *Sniff*  
  
Ok, here is chapter 12, don't forget to review at the end, going for 200 reviews (wow, 200!!) *hint hint*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Previously in 'The fellowship and the elf next door,' Rimorob made his appearance, Sam went evil, Lamoo's sister appeared and Elrond did his eyebrow thing.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Everyone in the fellowship awoke the next morning, ate breakfast and went to work. Then they came home, ate dinner, watched some TV, took a shower and went to bed. They did this, almost exactly the same boring way the rest of the week until Saturday rocked around. Tonight was the party and everyone had plenty to keep them busy. Whether it be putting the finishing touched on their costumes, preparing food for the party, vacuuming or dusting.  
  
Aragorn rolled out of bed and smiled when he remembered he didn't have to get up and go to work. But he did want to get up. The ranger rose off the floor and dawdled over to his wardrobe. He changed into a pair of black jeans, a black jumper and a long black coat. He topped his ensemble off with a water pistol or two tucked into his belt and a pair of sunglasses. Grinning at his reflection in the mirror, Neo, aka Aragorn set off to find Trinity, aka Legolas.  
  
The elf was snoozing peacefully in his room, snoring slightly. A loud Bang on the door woke him abruptly. Grumbling, Legolas pulled his dressing gown over his PJs and went to see who was bothering him at this unearthly hour of the morning… eight o'clock! *Shudder*  
  
"Who's there?" Legolas yelled.  
  
"Trinity, can you hear me?" Aragorn's voice came through the door. "It's Neo, Trinity, can you hear me?"  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes and opened the door.  
  
"Sorry Neo, Trinity is not here right now, please leave a message after the beep, beep." Legolas said sarcastically.  
  
Aragorn sighed and put away his water pistol. "I was hoping you'd want to play Matrix with me." He said sadly. "But it looks like you don't."  
  
"Who said I didn't?" replied the elf.  
  
Legolas grinned and told Aragorn to wait outside while he changed.  
  
The elf looked around cautiously to make sure no one was watching before he got rid of his PJs and changed into his 'Trinity' outfit. Wincing a little, the elf managed to do up the zipper at the front of his ensemble. Donning black boots and another black coat the elf grabbed his own weapons and his sunnies.  
  
He threw open the door and pointed his water pistol squarely at Neo's forehead. "Let's go." Legolas said.  
  
Aragorn nodded and pulled out one water pistol, leaving the other one tucked into his pants in case the other one ran out. "Where do we go?" he asked.  
  
"You're the one, you tell me!" Legolas replied. "Hey, I just noticed Neo is an anagram of one, isn't that cool?"  
  
"Uh, I guess." Aragorn remarked. "Ok, let's go and see what the agents are up to."  
  
"Agents?"  
  
"Merry and Pippin?"  
  
"Ah,"  
  
"Well, first we have to go down stairs," Aragorn said. He and Legolas strode over to the top landing and sat on the top stair. "And what other way to go down!?"  
  
"You go first Neo, but be careful, Smith could be around any corner."  
  
"I will Trinity, Don't worry." Neo said, preparing to bounce down the stairs on his backside. "I love you"  
  
*Tape abruptly stops…* ok, that was weird. Never mind, on with the story.  
  
Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Let's just pretend that didn't happen." He said. Putting on his 'trinity' voice, he spoke again. "Go Neo. It's a long way, be careful,"  
  
Aragorn took a deep breath and bounced the one step to the bottom. "Trinity! It's ok, come on!" he practically yelled.  
  
Legolas nodded and clenched his eyes shut. He too bumped one step downwards. Hesitantly, the elf opened his eyes and looked around. "Phew, we made it." He said.  
  
Aragorn didn't reply, but Neo nodded to Trinity. Trinity nodded back and both elf and ranger crawled forwards a little bit then rolled out of the room secret agent style.  
  
*Mission impossible music suddenly starts to play. *  
  
"Hey, wrong music!" exclaimed Trinity.  
  
*music changes to the lobby scene music…*  
  
Trinity and Neo shrugged then pulled out their water pistols, which had been tucked into their pants while they bumped down the stair. The two matrix character wannabes then snuck out into the kitchen and made a splendid show and squirting Merry and Pippin before running for their lives, or in Aragorn's case, jumping off the couch and pretending to fly, Neo style. Legolas grabbed a wooden spoon and pretended that it was the handlebars of his motorbike, speeding away down the highway, or what most people would call, the living room.  
  
Agents Meriadoc and Peregrine narrowed their eyes and raced after Trinity and Neo.  
  
As Trinity hurried past, she grabbed the receiver of the phone and made a big show of getting out of the Matrix.  
  
Merry and Pippin caught Aragorn, with a little help from Gimli who had come storming downstairs yelling obscene things at the elf and the ranger that were making a racket fighting off agents. Gimli crash tackled Aragorn to the ground and Legolas/Trinity made a big show of Neo dying.  
  
"Ok, game's over." Gimli yelled crossly.  
  
Merry and Pippin laughed and Pippin suggested it was about time for breakfast.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I need to finish my mermaid costume today" remarked Gandalf, sitting down at the kitchen table.  
  
"My costume's not done yet either," said Merry.  
  
"Done mine," said Legolas. He was disappointed he and Aragorn had had to stop playing the Matrix, but other than that, he was in a pretty good mood.  
  
"Finished mine yesterday," said Aragorn. "But I have to put some chlorine in the pool."  
  
"I didn't know we had a pool," remarked Gimli as he munched into his cereal, which so happened to be a bowl of rocks.  
  
"We do apparently," replied Legolas. He had partly unzipped the front of his very tight Trinity outfit so he was feeling a whole lot better now that the shinny vinyl wasn't clinging to him, restricting his movements. "I went for a swim yesterday, water was a bit cold."  
  
"We have a pool? Where?" asked Frodo.  
  
This time Aragorn spoke. "You know how there's that huge clump of trees and overgrown stuff over that pond near the washing line?" he said.  
  
"I didn't know we had a washing line," pondered Pippin.  
  
"You wouldn't." retorted Legolas.  
  
Pippin scowled. "You were saying Aragorn?"  
  
Aragorn smiled and continued. "Well, the pond is actually a swimming pool."  
  
The fellowship gaped open mouthed, all bar Legolas who didn't seem to care.  
  
"The pond is green and muddy and full of bugs!" exclaimed Merry.  
  
Aragorn grinned triumphantly. "Not anymore!" he began. "I cleaned it up last weekend cos summers coming."  
  
"How did you manage to clean a pool in a week?"  
  
Aragorn shrugged. "Dunno," he said. "I reckon Lamoo had something to do with it. The point is, we have a pool, we can swim in it,"  
  
"I can't swim." Said Sam sadly.  
  
""Not my problem, we'll get you some water wingies or something." Replied the ranger with a shrug. "Seeing as I've finished my breakfast, I may as well go and dump massive amounts of chemicals into the water now." With that Aragorn strode outside, however, not before he raced back to his room and got rid of his Neo costume.  
  
Frodo looked at his watch and raised his eyebrows. "We've got heaps to do today, Legolas, you could go and sweep the veranda and the terrace outside."  
  
Legolas nodded and went to change. Once he was changed he went and fetched the broom and began to sweep away all the leaves and dust that had settled on the ground.  
  
"Who still needs to finish their costumes?" Frodo asked. Merry, Gandalf and Gimli raised their hands. "Ok, you guys go and do that. Pippin and Sam, could you check we have all the stuff in the fridge? We should start preparing some of it now, it is about 10 0'clock."  
  
Pippin and Sam nodded and went over to the fridge. There was a list stuck to it with a green magnet. Pippin pulled the sheet of paper off the fridge and began to read out the names of items while Sam went through the contents of the fridge and pantry, checking for each item on the list.  
  
"What are you planning to do?" asked Sam as he found the jar of pickled onions Pippin asked for.  
  
"I'm going to vacuum the carpet." Frodo replied. Pippin nodded and read out another item on the list for Sam to find.  
  
Frodo made his way down the hall, looking for the vacuum cleaner. When he found it, he plugged it in and began to suck up the dust along the hallway. As he passed Gandalf's bedroom door, he vacuumed the blue smoke that was puffing out from under the door. Suddenly, the vacuum cleaner started to levitate. 'What the?' thought Frodo, but then he decided Vacuuming with a floating Hoover was a whole lot easier than pulling it along the ground. So, using the hose, he continued to suck up dirt and dust, while the vacuum cleaner floated along behind him. Frodo was hurrying along quite quickly now, he wanted to finish vacuuming so he could go and polish the insides of the garbage cans. Reaching the end of the living room, which he was now cleaning, the hobbit came to an abrupt halt. The vacuum cleaner was not expecting this so it cruised along at high speed and collided with the back of Frodo's head.  
  
"Stupid Vacuum cleaner!" yelled the hobbit, bashing the thing with cushion off the lounge.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The day started to wear on. The party guests were supposed to be arriving at about four that afternoon so when 2pm rocked around, the fellowship found they still had a lot to do.  
  
All costumes were finished, Gimli's was still a mystery to the fellowship, all except Legolas, who had a sneaking suspicion that whatever Gimli was dressing up as was gong to be a major shock to the system.  
  
Pippin was certain that his fairy costume was going to be a major hit, especially with the ladies.  
  
Legolas's mate Mel, also know to everyone else as Paladin Dragoon was supposed to be arriving early, to help set up. Her muses CF and Loki were also supposed to be coming.  
  
The doorbell rang and Aragorn rushed to answer it, he always liked answering the door, that was if Haldir was not the one waiting to be let in. Mel was standing on the porch wearing her costume, a black shirt with a roaring white tiger on it, black pants, combat boots, a camo vest, and a black head sash. She was also wearing a supply belt in black to match the machine gun she was holding. Her two muses were standing behind her. Aragorn had met Mel before, but never Loki or CF.  
  
To him, CF looked like a dragon, but that could have been because she was. CF was wearing a light blue silk cape with a bit of fur trimming, held in place with a brooch shaped like a gold disk. She was also wearing a light blue wizard hat to match her cape. Sapphires decorated the front of the hat and there was a sash of the same material fastened around CF's waist. It had trimming, but not fur. There were very pretty embroidered designs in silver on the sash and she was holding a silver wand with a sapphire star at the end.  
  
"Ooh, I like your costumes." Aragorn said.  
  
"What about mine?" asked Loki, a bit annoyed that Aragorn had not commented yet about how fabulous his costume was. Loki was dressed as an archangel, with wings and all. REAL wings! He was in platinum, medieval style armour, pure white in colour, minus a helmet (that may have looked a little daggy). There was a splendid sword buckled at Loki's waist, a gold, jewel encrusted hilt visible in a gold scabbard.  
  
"Wow, nice armour!" remarked Aragorn.  
  
Loki beamed.  
  
"You planning on coming in any time now?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"Oh, sorry. Sure." Replied Mel. Aragorn opened the door wide and Mel, CF and Loki entered the house.  
  
Legolas and most of the others were in the kitchen, preparing the food. Gandalf was in his room, refusing to come out until the party, should anyone catch a glimpse of his costume before he chose to reveal it. Pippin had been checking his list and he'd discovered that there was no ketchup. So he had borrowed Frodo's car, which had miraculously decided to work again, and drove to the store to pick up some ketchup and other things.  
  
Aragorn led Mel, CF and Loki into the kitchen. Loki headed straight to the open fridge, there was a jar of peppers just visible behind the prawns that Gimli was planning to cook on the BBQ, but Loki had no trouble finding it.  
  
"Ooh! Peppers!" he said delightedly.  
  
Legolas grinned. "They're all yours. Got them especially for you. No one here likes em." He said. Noticing Mel and CF were just standing around while Loki was eating his peppers, Legolas put both of them to work, telling both to help Aragorn put up streamers and balloons and, not to be forgotten, the fairy lights for outside.  
  
So while Merry helped Legolas and Sam prepare the food, CF, Mel and Aragorn went off to put up decorations.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
About an hour and a half later, the decorations were up, most of the food was either ready to be eaten when the guests arrived, put in bowls on the table outside, or waiting in the fridge to be cooked.  
  
Just as Merry heading upstairs to change into his costume, the doorbell rang. Merry answered it and two people were standing on the porch. Tegz, the magician for the night and Saturn Dragon, the DJ. Tegz was dressed in a suit with a purple cape and a top hat. And not to forget a red bow tie. She was holding a large bag in one hand her magic wand in the other. Saturn Dragon was dressed as a pikachu in a large foam number, tail and all. Merry could see two cars parked in the driveway. One was a van and said 'Saturndragon DJs' on the side. The other car was an old beetle, pink, and had 'Tegz, the marvellous magician on the side'.  
  
"Hi, I'm Saturn dragon, I'm the DJ." Saturn Dragon said, beaming proudly. "And this is the marvellous Tegz, the magical magician."  
  
Tegz waved. Merry nodded and let both Tegz and Saturn dragon into the house. "Legolas!" he yelled. "Magician and the DJ are here!"  
  
"Why are you telling me?" came the reply.  
  
"No idea," Merry said, as Legolas emerged from his bedroom, halfway through getting dressed. He was wearing white tights and no shirt. Tegz found herself drooling.  
  
Legolas seemed perfectly comfortable and he showed Saturn dragon and Tegz where they could set up their stuff.  
  
"Anything in particular you want me to play?" enquired Saturn dragon. "Jlo? Avril? Britney Spears?"  
  
Legolas cringed. "Anything BUT those three, or classical. Gandalf might decide to dance. No boy bands either." He said. "How about some old stuff? Got any karaoke tracks? How about Meatloaf? Or Queen?"  
  
Saturn Dragon nodded. "Yea, I've got that stuff. Anything else?"  
  
"Surprise me." Legolas said. He then turned and went back to getting dressed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Mel, Loki and CF were all in the lounge room with Frodo and Sam. Frodo was in his Cleopatra costume. He had straightened his hair and put on masses of eyeliner. He was wearing a long, white, sleeveless dress and a Cleopatra headdress that was made out of gold cardboard among other things. Sam had somehow managed to get a hold of a large amount of purple foam and he'd made a splendid Jellybean costume out of it.  
  
Pippin and Aragorn emerged a few minutes later. Aragorn looked like a right royal goose, except for the fact he was a chicken. He was covered in feathers, yellow ones, from head to toe and he had orange bird feet and a beak as well as a crest on the top of his head made out of a rubber glove. Pippin was looking very pretty in a pink tutu type dress with matching wings with lots of glitter. He has a pretty tiara on his curly head and was holding a fairy wand that was made out of a chopstick, a bit of cardboard and even more glitter.  
  
"Aw man!" Pippin exclaimed. "CF's wand is so much better than mine."  
  
"I like your wand, its very sparkly," replied CF, trying to make Pippin feel better.  
  
Pippin beamed and gave CF a thankyou hug.  
  
Legolas then appeared in the doorway looking very flash in his teabag ensemble. Every female in the room found themselves staring at the elf, especially his legs… yum, and Legolas was beaming.  
  
The doorbell rang and Legolas went to see who it was. One of the first guests no doubt. But, much to the elf's dismay, it wasn't. Lamoo was standing on the porch with her little sister. Lamoo looked very odd in a squishy, green costume. Legolas wasn't sure whether she was supposed to be a slug or a gherkin. Ainsley was in a playboy bunny costume, complete with fishnet stockings. Lamoo and her minor didn't even wait to be invited in, they barged past the elf, said hi to Mel, CF and Loki, and then set about eating the chips that were dumped in bowls on the dining room table.  
  
Gandalf emerged out of his bedroom and went to show off his costume. Lamoo wrinkled her nose as she caught a glimpse of Gandalf's mermaid costume. He was wearing a pink bikini top, with oranges stuffed inside, a mermaid tail made out of green spangly material, a necklace of shells and his hair and beard had flowers and shells in it. A good look for a woman, but certainly not for a wrinkly old wizard. However, all the fellowship applauded and Gandalf took a bow. He then went to take a step but suddenly remembered he didn't put holes for his feet when he was making his tail. The wizard toppled over with a grunt and it took all four hobbits to lift him back on his feet. Merry had arrived a few seconds earlier, decked out in his groovy little cowboy costume. Leather chaps, a waistcoat and a checked shirt, complete with cowboy hat, sheriff's badge and toy cap guns in a holster made Merry look very good indeed.  
  
Now it was Gimli's turn to appear. He stepped out into view and Legolas promptly fainted.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ sorry, that wasn't as long as I thought it'd be. I could have continued, but I thought I should leave a little bit of a cliffy. Not a very good one, but that seemed like a god place to end this chappie. Hope it made up for no updates in the past while.  
  
Love Lamoo.  
  
Don't forget to review; next chapter WILL be up soon!  
  
Oh yes, one more thing. All those coming to the party could you please tell me what your costume is again, either in your next review or you can email me at deckiedog@hotmail.com make the email subject fanfic party.  
  
thanks 


	13. the party aka, insanity begins!

AN/ back again. Didn't take too long did it? Sorry I didn't get the last chapter up when I said I would, ff.net was pissing me off and not loading. Hmm, maybe it's just me. And then to top it off all the stupid punctuation went all stuffed up! Grr! Hope it isn't as bad this chapter.  
  
Alrighty, reviewsies!  
  
Anelith: Thanks for telling men about your costume again. Tiger it is. Yes, Gandalf in his bikini *shudder* icky icky icky. Hey, d'you know what? I decided to have a little read of your profile the other day (being pissed with ff.net for stuffing up all my punctuation) and I saw the coolest thing. As you may have gathered by now, my name's Lauren. What you may not have got is that I'm Lauren MOORE. My mum's name's Helen, just like yours! Hehe, isn't that weird? Cool tho. Read the first few chappie of your ficcy, very funny, specially you hugging Frodo all the time and Boromir doin the dance. *shudder* oh! And Merry in the fridge! Now all I have to do is get the bloody page to load then I'll be right! Enjoy this chappie!  
  
Holly: yes, Leggie legs, yummo! And Gandalf, poor us, having to picture him in his pathetic excuse for a costume. Icky. The matrix, it's a great movie, but LOTR is definitely better (no elves in the matrix) Mainly put the matrix bit in for Mr Bean, but glad you enjoyed it too, and I agree with you, if Neo WAS like Aragorn and Trinity like Leggie is would probably commit suicide rather than be 'saved'. Anywho, party this chapter! Enjoy it! Should be exciting!  
  
Paladin Dragoon: what? You didn't get to read ch 12? Oh no! My email has been stuffing up a bit and I haven't been receiving any emails so sorry if I was a bit delayed getting ch 12 to you. But trust me, once you've read it, you will feel special. Or maybe you managed to read it after all, hmm, hope so. Anyway, More pepper for Loki here and more party craziness!  
  
Kiftyuthonaerantae: you now what Gimli's costume is? Clever you! Might be a bit scarier than you expected though. Party is this chapter! Should be good! Don't laugh too hard!  
  
Nomad: hey dude! Ooh! Long review! Thanksies! You really want to know about my sis? U sure? Well, here goes, she's small, and blonde and skinny and 11. And evil, but she makes and excellent sidekick. Hehe. Um, no cushions, sorry, but don't forget that elves are tough little cookies and this elf fell out of a supermarket trolley the week before and was ok (he crashed into us remember? Hehe) Tell your mum that I'm so flattered she said something so wonderful! The idea of this fic is to sort of have a bit of a laugh. Hehe, but not too much or you could explode. send u the misadventures of little elves and stuff and thanks for the review, hopefully I WILL get 200 reviews, very close! Enjoy this chappie and be prepared for your glowworm costume.  
  
Marissa: you love it? Aww, I hope your talking about the fic! Hehe, I am weird, my highly sugar induced imagination thinks up these things, including Gimli's costume. Surprised u hasn't guessed yet, hmm. Well, you'll find out. Hehe. You liked the matrix? Oh that's good, it was a success! Yay! Ok, enjoy the party chapter! Have a laugh and smile chum!  
  
Elf Girl: ooh! A couple of reviews from you so this might take a bit more than a sec. You know who Gimli is? Hmm, that wasn't really intended, but I'm not surprised, us fan girls can spot an elf a million miles away. Hehe. And yes, sometime in the near future, Leggies should get a new licence, which might be handy.hmm, evilness? You want evilness? More saucepans? Hmm, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Hmm, perhaps not. I said a while ago that no more people could come to the party, but heaps of people forgot to tell me their costumes so I reckon you can come. As a vampire? Yes, I know what one looks like thankyou very much. But please don't freak the hobbits too much, Pippin is sensitive. Hehe. Anywhosies, have a good laugh at this chapter, meant to be funny, I hope. Either that or really disturbing. Oh yes, one more thing, do you want me to call you elf girl or something else?  
  
LotRseer3350: hmm, I like the court jester idea better, there's too many people coming to the party in black and stuff. But would you mind if another LOTR character came as a black cat? I know what you mean by ff.net's weird fits, so annoying. First it won't load, and then all the speech marks and commas stuff up. Grr, pissing me off a bit, but lets forget about that. Yea! Lets party!  
  
Saturndragon: yes, if I were you I couldn't wait for spin the bottle either. (I bribed the bottle to always point to Legolas when u spin it) hehe. Yay! Tea bag Leggie! Maybe we can persuade him to take off the top part of the costume.hmm.  
  
Mr Bean: hello dude. Matrix bit especially for you. Didya like it? Yay! Just to annoy you and please all us rabid fan girls, Legolas's costume involves tights. You cant wear jeans if you're a tea bag now can you? Hehe, I feel evil. You still coming as Mr Bean? Hmm, original. I'll try not to be too disturbing. not likely it'll work though.  
  
Legolas stalker/Laura: yea, I know. The stupid, spazzo speech marks and stuff went all weird. And it makes me all pissy! Yes, you did get the first review for this chapter. I'm really peed now cos I gotta wait till flippin September!! Arg! Oh, and err, and yum and scrubbos, hmm nice. sounds gooooood! Can't wait! I really wanna know about it but don't tell me. wait, tell me. no don't, I wanna see it myself. in STUPID SEPTEMBER! Arggggg! Ok, depurpling Leggie's nose is always and enjoyable activity, especially when he gives you a hug after. Hehe. And Gandalf's costume, yes, a bit gross, but thankfully his beard covers most of anything that might make small children cry. Gimli is not a murderer, Leggsie dearest just got a bit of a shock, don worry, he'll come around. Another stupid thing about Sydney and just generally Australia, is that we don't make much of a fuss over Halloween, in fact, I know its kinda sad, but ive never actually been trick or treating. *Bursts into tears* but I still like to dress up. Your friend's fire fighter costume sounds funky, anything in particular? Or do you just want my imagination to lead the way? Oh btw, what were you doing up at 4 in the morning? Most people would be sleeping. well, me anyway. Well, hope you enjoy this chapter, time to party!!  
  
Disclaimer: seeing as how Lamoo must live her deprived life without Pirates of the Caribbean until September and has never been trick or treating, she must me content with writing mindless dribble with other people's characters and stuff. Which she CERTAINLY DOES NOT STEAL, no never!  
  
Ok, chapter 13, enjoy it! PARTY CHAPTER!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Gimli shrugged and slapped the elf lightly on the face. Legolas groaned and began to come around. But when he saw Gimli he passed out again. The dwarf was dressed in a green and brownie suedey tunic with a silvery blue shirt on underneath. On his head was plonked a blonde wig, with braids and Gimli was wearing black boots as well as carrying a bow. Apart from the red beard and bits of hair poking out from under his costume, his height, the fact that dwarves are far stockier than elves, Gimli thought he could have passed as Legolas's twin.  
  
"What?!" asked Gimli crossly. "My costume doesn't look THAT bad. Legolas of all people should be pleased!"  
  
"I think it sorta hit him the wrong way." Loki said.  
  
Gimli shrugged. "Well that's his problem." He remarked.  
  
The doorbell rang. It was four o'clock, the party had officially started. First to arrive was Elrond, Elrohir and Elladan and Arwen. Elrohir and Elladan were dressed up as a pair of socks and were busy squabbling.  
  
"I thought you were going to be a red sock!" argued Elladan.  
  
"Nuh uh," replied Elrohir. "You said we were going to be yellow with polka dots!"  
  
They continued to argue. Elrond was dressed in a snappy black suit, a tie and dark sunglasses. He had gotten a major haircut; his once long tresses were now short.  
  
Frodo gasped. "AAAHHH!!" he yelled in fear. "It's Smith!!"  
  
Elrond rolled his eyes and followed his sons inside.  
  
Arwen was dressed as a powerpuff girl, Bubbles by the look of her pale blue dress with a black stripe across the middle and blonde pigtailed wig. She followed her father.  
  
More guests started to arrive gradually. Lamoo had taken the job of opening the door and greeting the guests upon herself. It was not much of a surprise when everyone seemed to know her.  
  
Hex, Emi-Lou and Charli-San arrived next. It seemed that they had all come together. Hex was dressed as a penguin and looked very smashing indeed. Charli-san was in black. Black top, black pants and a black cape. Her ensemble may have looked a bit boring if it was not for the HUGE amounts of glitter and sparkles on everything. She even seemed to have glitter in her shoes; she was leaving a long trail of sparkles behind her. Emi-Lou was dressed as a giant ketchup bottle, very groovy indeed, thought Lamoo.  
  
Galadriel and Celeborn arrived just after Hex, Emi-Lou and Charli-san did and they too looked very interesting in their costumes. Lady Galadriel, to everyone's surprise was NOT wearing white. Instead she was decked out in an Obi Wan Kenobe costume. Celeborn was wearing German Lederhosen as well as the silly hat to go with his outfit. Lamoo shuddered as she caught a glimpse of Celeborn's legs.  
  
Everyone so far was making themselves at home. Elrond was entertaining Lamoo's sister Ainsley and Pippin with his eyebrows, Arwen was chatting to Galadriel and Gandalf, comparing their costumes. Legolas, who had finally come round and accepted that Gimli was dressed as his 'mini me', was with Aragorn and the twins, Elrohir and Elladan still hadn't stopped arguing and Legolas had never figured out that it was them that made the prank phone call the week before, pretending to be his mother.  
  
Merry, Frodo and Sam were with Loki, all four of them guzzling large amounts of soft drink, including Loki's favourite, Dr PEPPER!! Celeborn was talking to Gimli and CF and Mel was with Lamoo, the pair of them greeting guests as they continued to arrive. And lets not forget Hex, Charli-san and Emi-Lou. Hex had made a request to Saturn dragon, the DJ and all three of them were dancing to some randomly selected music. Tegz the magician was helping herself to some fairy floss, (cotton candy for all you people who don't have a clue what my beloved fairy floss is) the hobbits had hired a fairy floss machine and it was a big hit so far.  
  
More guests continued to arrive. Glorfindel arrived with Nellie, Lamoo's buddy otherwise known as Nomad, at exactly the same time Mr Bean and Mad- jai ferret did. Glorfy was clad as a tree and was having a little trouble being mobile. How he managed to drive was a mystery to everyone. Mad-Jai ferret was a ninja, looking very ninja-ish, costume complete with samurai sword and num-chucks. Mr Bean was dressed AS Mr Bean, his outfit complete with teddy and Bean's mole. As for Nellie, she was the babe of the party, in her glowworm costume with real glowing thingo at the end of her tail. Lamoo gave her a hug and introduced her to Mel.  
  
Coming in next, all by himself was Smeagol, who Pippin had stupidly invited to the party. He was busy talking to himself and was dressed as a butterfly. He was wearing a lime green leotard with pink butterfly wings stuck on the back. He was wearing a little green hat that matched that had antennae poking out the top and was carrying a plate of something.  
  
"Hi Smeagol!" Lamoo greeted him cheerfully.  
  
Mel grinned and waved her hello. So did Nellie. Gollum beamed back.  
  
"Helloses, we likes your party very much we does precious!" he said. "We thinks the fat hobbits might eats all the foodses so we brings nice Lamoo some fish in case she runs out of food, in case they does precious."  
  
Lamoo smiled and accepted the plate of raw, week old fish that Smeagol handed her. She walked over and put it in the fridge with all the other food. By the time she had got back, more people had arrived. Mel was talking to Laura, otherwise known as Legolas's stalker who was dressed as a fire fighter. Not your conventional fire fighter though. Her outfit still had the very important hat and boots and stuff, same colours and fabrics, but it was a tad more feminine than the gaudy, yellow suits our fire- fighter guys wear in Sydney. She grinned as she saw Legolas look her over. The elf turned his attention away from Laura's legs and back to his conversation with Elrohir. Nellie had joined Tegz, now happily munching on some fairy floss, licking the sugar happily off her fingers.  
  
Soon Anelith arrived with Holly. Anelith wore an orange stripy tiger costume complete with ears, whiskers and tail. She was holding a plate of little appetiser thingos. Holly was standing on the porch next to her. Holly was a pretty elf who always wore her collection of 'I Luv Orli' or 'I Luv Leggie' badges. Her dress was a pretty purple one and was covered in hundreds of badges and buttons. Everyone either had a picture of Orlando Bloom, Legolas, a heart or the any of the words, Leggie, Orli, or Luv. Lamoo opened the door wide and let the pair enter. Anelith handed the plate to Lamoo and joined her friends on the dance floor. Holly went to gawk at Legolas, along with all his other stalkers.  
  
Next came Cotume. Unlike Lamoo, she had already seen Pirates of the Caribbean a few times so she was dressed up as a pirate, seeing as how she was feeling piratey. Her costume was almost a replica to that of Captain Jack Sparrow in POTC, minus the moustache of course. She even had a real sword! Hmm, Loki would be pleased. Lamoo had gone off to put the plate of appetizer thingies Anelith gave her in the fridge so Legolas was the one to open the door, escaping his stalkers for a brief moment. He gave Cotume a hug, much to the annoyance of every other female at the party, except Hex, she'd already had a hug.  
  
Lamoo came back and noticed there might be a riot if she didn't do something so she grabbed Legolas by the arm and towed him outside. Then she started yelling, "If you want a hug from the elf, line up here!" Then she jumped in the front of the line. Legolas sighed wearily and stood still as each fangirl in the line gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Lamoo's sister even tried to get him on the lips but she couldn't reach. She was too short and Legolas was too tall.  
  
Mr Bean and Loki were standing back, away from all the girls.  
  
"Hey dude," said Loki, trying to be friendly.  
  
"Hi," replied Mr Bean. "I like your costume,"  
  
"Thanks," said Loki. "Your's is cool too."  
  
"What on earth has stupid Lamoo got going this time?" wondered Mr Bean.  
  
Loki Shrugged. "Probably something girly," he said. "Girls seem to like hugging Legolas."  
  
Mr Bean nodded in agreement. "But why would they? He's an elf in tights!"  
  
"I wouldn't let him hear you say that." Replied Loki, watching as Laura got her hug then went and joined the line again. "Lego's very sensitive about his tights."  
  
"Hmm," said Mr Bean. "But what's so good about an elf that wears tights?"  
  
Lamoo came over. "Firstly they're not tights." She said. "They're leggings."  
  
"Whatever," said Loki and Mr Bean together.  
  
"Secondly, that elf is hotness itself embodied." Lamoo continued. Loki and Mr Bean almost burst out laughing. Lamoo scowled. "Well I wouldn't expect you two to like him very much, you ARE boys after all. Loki, stop listening to Mr Bean, he just doesn't like Legolas because he has some distant connection to Frodo. They do live in the same house after all. And because every other female on the planet loves him."  
  
Mr Bean and Loki raised they're eyebrows. "Um dude?" Loki said. "I'm going to get a drink." He left Lamoo and Mr Bean to argue about Legolas and went to pour himself a glass of Dr Pepper.  
  
~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There were still plenty more people to arrive, so Pippin decided to be at the door to let them in. Everyone else was making themselves at home, apart from Lamoo, she already felt at home.  
  
Now that just about everyone had arrived, only a few more people to come, the mermaid and the purple jellybean decided it was time the party to officially, officially begun.  
  
Aragorn was outside now, cooking the food on the BBQ. Elrohir, Elladan and some other people were out there too, apparently 'supervising'.  
  
Out the back there were about four picnic tables laded with nibbles and drinks. Merry and Pippin had provided the beer with Aragorn's help. The trouble was with being a hobbit, everyone thought you were a child so you were not allowed to buy grog or pipe weed. Merry and Pippin thought this was a major insult to the hobbit race.  
  
It was lucky Legolas had put on the invitations for everyone to bring their swimming costumes. (He had ended up doing almost all of the organisation) Heaps of people had already ditched their costumes for their swimmers and were in the pool.  
  
Charli-san was in her swimmers, black, you guessed it, with glitter. She was lounging on the blow up floaty thing that was drifting over the water. Hex had ditched her penguin costume for the time being and was splashing Elrond with Arwen. Both girls were on the verge of drowning the male elf with their accursed splashing. Several other people were not in the pool just yet, but were outside having a drink.  
  
Gimli had opened the French doors inside so the music could be heard from the back. Saturndragon was a fabulous DJ, but she had been invited to the party as a guest as well, so she was allowed to take a break.  
  
So she decided to get something to eat. Merry and Gimli were standing by the picnic tables, the ones with all the food so Saturndragon went over to join them.  
  
"Hey guys," she said with a smile.  
  
"Hi," said Merry. "You're saturndragon right?"  
  
Saturndragon nodded. "Yep, that's me." She said. "Party's great."  
  
Gimli shrugged. "I guess." He said a little sadly.  
  
"What's the matter Gimli?" Saturndragon asked.  
  
The dwarf sighed. "Why do all the girl like the elf so much?" he asked. "Why would they rather smother him with hugs and kisses than me?"  
  
Saturndragon managed to contain he snort of laughter. "I don't know Gimli." She said. "But if it makes you fell better, I'll give you a hug." So she did. Gimli smiled and sniffed.  
  
"Thankyou," he said a little sheepishly.  
  
"Any time," replied the DJ. She wandered off to join the Legolas hugging line.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Aragorn was still cooking stuff on the BBQ. He turned over a piece of steak with his tongs and swore.  
  
"What? What happened?" asked Elladan, leaning over to see what the ranger had done.  
  
"I cut myself with the tongs," Aragorn replied, putting his cut finger in his mouth. (AN/ don't laugh, my friend Emmy did that once.)  
  
"How'd you manage that?" said Elladan in disbelief.  
  
"I dunno," came the reply. "The tongs were sharp."  
  
Elladan rolled his eyes. "I could understand you cutting yourself with a knife, but not tongs. That's like chopping off you finger with a spoon!" he exclaimed.  
  
Aragorn scowled. "Hey, I did that once. The spoon, it was a sharp spoon too," he said.  
  
The elf rolled his eyes again and decided to get in the pool. He wandered inside, looking for the fellowship's bathroom so he could change.  
  
The door was open partly, so Elladan didn't even bother knocking. He just barged in and saw Galadriel perched on the loo.  
  
"Do you mind?!" she yelled.  
  
Elladan sighed. "Sorry," he said and went to find somewhere else he could change. He wandered down the hall until he came to Legolas's bedroom. He didn't knock this time either; assuming everyone else would be at the party. When he opened the door he saw Ainsley and Nellie in there, with Haldir tied to the bed.  
  
"Help," yelped Haldir. Ainsley put on a menacing face and Elladan got the message immediately. He left the room. There were squeals coming from inside and Elladan poked his head around the door, curious.  
  
Haldir was still tied to the bed. Ainsley had whipped his shirt off and was tickling him with a large purple feather. Nellie was laughing at Haldir while he squirmed and laughed and tried to get away from Lamoo's sister's merciless tickling.  
  
"Wanna help?" offered Nellie. Elladan shook his head politely and left. Nellie shrugged. "Oh well, doesn't know what he's missing." She said.  
  
Elladan continued down the hall, looking for a place to change into his swimmers. Gandalf's bedroom door was locked so the elf didn't even bother to knock. Gimli's room was occupied. Boromir was tied to the bed in that room talking to himself with a dazed expression on his face. It appeared Ainsley and Nellie had put him through the same torture Haldir was now receiving.  
  
Elladan closed the door and eventually found Aragorn's room. It was unoccupied so the elf closed the door and locked it. He whipped off his sock costume and his knickers. He jumped around trying to get his feet into the right hole in his Speedos and fell onto the floor doing do. There was a loud laugh. The elf turned around. One whole wall of Aragorn's bedroom was windows. And those windows faced out onto, yep, you guessed it, the pool. Everyone was staring, pointing and laughing. And Elladan's Speedos were around his ankles. He turned as red as a beetroot and grabbed a towel.  
  
Then he started to swear. Naughty elf. So he pulled the curtains across and took his time. Perhaps everyone will have forgotten about it when he was done. ha, not likely.  
  
When Elladan emerged from the house everyone was still laughing, and talking about his embarrassing moment. So he dived into the pool and tried to get everyone to think he was Elrohir.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ hmm, that wasn't as funny as I intended it to be. A bit sad really. But I just needed to get everyone to arrive and things started. Yes, yes, I know. If you are invited to the party and you haven't been mentioned yet, it is probably because you haven't reviewed and told me your costume again.  
  
Next chappie SHOULD be up soon, maybe not. Planning on writing the visitors a bit, to that I have ideas and yea.  
  
Well, don't forget to review, should break the 200 review mark this chapter!  
  
Love Lamoo 


	14. party madness spin the bottle insanity

AN/ hey guys. Sorry this chapter took a little longer. I had heaps of homework, and assignments and stuff. Also took me a little while to think up ideas for this chapter. But look on the bright side, it's extra long this time.  
  
Ok, this chapter is very special. We've broken the 200 review mark! Whoo hoo! Thankyou everyone who's reviewed in the past, with out you guys, this fic wouldn't have ever gotten past the first chapter.  
  
Meg (Greenleaf): hope I manage to make your costume look like you think it should in this chapter. Happy to introduce you into the story. Enjoy!  
  
Elf girl: yes, poor poor elves. I felt really sorry for them as I was writing those bits, but hey, the more trouble I make then the funnier it is to read. Elf girl? Oki doki, vampire. I can do that! Oh yes, your buddy Gloriollass is wrong, you are so not a pervert. Leggsie doesn't mind us all dreaming about him with no shirt on. *Drool* hehe. Good kitty. *Tosses elf girl a catnip thingo. *  
  
Legolas stalker: you liked your hug? Aww, that's good. Sorry I left you hanging for a while, this one took longer to write than id've liked. Yes, Leggie likes your legs, wish he'd like mine, but he's just rather scared of me. Oh yes, you get some lovely Elrohir and Elladan goodyness in this chappie. And POTC, arg! So frustrated! Oh well, it'll be worth it. Wont it? And your Mary sueish dreams, *shudder* sounds like, erm fun. Wahh! I wanna go trick or treating! Not allowed to dress up like a complete idiot normally. Poo, oh well. Enjoy this chappie.  
  
Marissa03: what do I have up my sleave? Hmm, lots of stuff, old bits of gum, tissues, pencil shavings. Hehe. Sorry I couldn't get you into the Legolas hug line, I'll give you a cameo appearance later. Party's nearly over so I need to find some good ideas for then. Glad you like this so far, more funnies, hopefully.  
  
Paladin Dragoon: hope I got Loki down ok here. 3 modes? Sounds like me, except I'm usually idiot mode, bigger idiot mode and maybe not so idiotic mode. Hehe. Oh, Loki, you're welcome, Dr Pepper was my pleasure.  
  
Saturndragon: yes, Leggie hugging! How fun! Your spin the bottle is in this chapter. hehe, hope you enjoy it. I know you will. Hehe. And poor Gimli, he needed a hug, thankyou for obliging. Yes, here is the next chappie! Have a laugh at it why don't you, enjoy!  
  
Tegz: yay, another review from the crazy magician. Sorry about all the weird little letters hiding all the words and stuff, this chappie should be back to normal. What? Not obsessed with our darling elf? Oh well, you get to do your magic tricks in this chappie, and there will be Beatles music there too.  
  
Slg aka Stephanie: your appearance in this chapter! Teapot! *Waves magic wand* there you go. *Grins stupidly* hope you enjoy this chappie. Thanks for the review.  
  
Aelimir: party party party! I thought I said what Gimli's costume was in the last chappie, hmm; maybe that's just me. Anyway, he was Legolas. aww, how cute. ahem, not.  
  
Banx: sure, lick Haldir? If you like, you can do more than that if you like. Hehe might have to fight my sister for the elf though. Matrix! Happy funness! And yes, I do live in the weird wonked world down under (sorry, but it irks me when people say that.) is POTC really as good as everyone says it is? Hmm, hope it's worth the wait. Oh yea, have you guys in Canada seen Ned Kelly? Orlando is SOOOOOOOOOO hot in that. *drool* but he dies. bugger. Hope the silly symbols aren't hiding the words, ff.net stuffed something and it SHOULD be fixed so that it's ok now.  
  
Achoo: you're late? Oh well, you still reviewed, and that's makes Lamoo happy. Hopefully you should be able to read this chappie before I finish the next one. And no, Gimli is not boogas and earwax, but that would have been a great idea. Hehe. And Gimli's rock eating, need to remind self to include more of that later. Alrighty then, enjoy this chappie.  
  
A million thankyous guys!  
  
Disclaimer: Lamoo is digging around under her bed. She giggles when she finds what she's looking for. She sits on her bedroom floor with a shoebox in her lap. Giggles some more. Lamoo pries open the lid, not that it required much effort, and pulls out a sparkly magic wand. She rises to her feet and walks over to the large poster of Legolas on her wardrobe door. She waves the wand and the picture of Leggie comes to life and jumps off the paper.  
  
"Hello," says Lamoo. The elf frowns and looks around Lamoo's lime green bedroom a bit disorientated. Lamoo suddenly loses her temper. "WHY CANT I SEE PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN UNTIL SEPTEMBER???!!!" she bellows. Legolas jumps back and shrugs. Lamoo bursts into tears but then grins once she's calmed down a bit and Legolas has sat her down calmly on the bed and is giving her a hug. "At least you and all of middle earth are mine," she says happily.  
  
"But they're not," Legolas helpfully points out.  
  
"Damn," says Lamoo  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Previously in TF&TEND, The party began, the guests arrived, Elladan got terribly embarrassed and Haldir and Boromir were found tied to the beds in separate bedrooms. The author thinks her sister and buddy Nellie might have something to do with this.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Elladan did a few laps of the pool. As he was swimming, the elf suddenly felt a hand grab his ankle. Elladan tried to swim away but the hand was holding him down firmly, beginning to pull in down to the bottom of the pool. He started to panic, but the hand kept its grip upon the elf's ankle.  
  
Elladan began to yell for help and flail around in the water. "Help me," he wailed. "It's pulling me down, I'm going to drown!!"  
  
Arwen sighed. "Stand up you idiot, the water's only waist deep." She said.  
  
Elladan stopped screaming and put his feet on the bottom of the pool. Hmm, so he wasn't drowning, so what, he could have! Despite the fact that the water was only up to his belly button.  
  
Arwen rolled her eyes and continued her conversation with Emi-Lou and CF. All three girls laughed at the idiocy of the male elf that was looking even more embarrassed standing in waist high water.  
  
There was no hand trying to pull him down anymore, Elladan looked around nervously. The only people in the pool he could see were, Hex and Glorfindel playing volleyball against Tegz and Mel, Elrond floating around in a big rubber ring, Charli-san, in her glittery swimmers and Gollum, who was sitting on the side in his yellow bikini paddling his feet in the water. Ainsley and Nellie were casually climbing out of the water, looking very innocent, not. Elladan however did not suspect that they might have done anything suspicious. As far as he knew, the pair of resident evildoers were inside, putting Haldir through merciless torture.  
  
Suddenly more people came outside. Everyone assumed they had just arrived for they hadn't been at the party before. 'Hmm, fashionably late,' thought Lamoo.  
  
Anya was looking splendid in court jester costume. It was red, purple and black and her hat and shoes had little bells on them. With Anya came Meg (Greenleaf, she may have been a distant relative of Legolas, or maybe they just had the same last name. :P) Meg was a black cat. She was in black fur and had ears and a groovy little tail. Her fingernails were really long and it looked like she itched to scratch someone with them. Coming in behind the duo came Stephanie. She was dressed to match Legolas, as a teapot. Her teapot was a pretty blue with little flowers on it and everyone thought it looked very groovy indeed. Then came Banx. Her costume was hidden beneath a long red cape (just like the one Haldir wore in TTT at helms deep. YES he did wear a cloak you numbskulls!) But maybe that was her costume, Lamoo didn't think so. She was sure Banx would do her best to surprise everyone and maybe do something to Haldir.  
  
Lamoo and Aragorn along with Sam and the mermaid greeted the four cheerfully. Legolas, having escaped from the 'Legolas hugging game', handed each of them a drink. Stephanie giggled when Legolas's hand brushed hers as he handed her a plastic cup full of fizzy drink.  
  
Anya was keeping a sharp eye on Merry, Pippin and Frodo. No one knew how she managed, there were three of them and she only had two eyes. Anyway, she managed and was now watching closely as Merry pushed Pippin into the pool, the latter still fully clothed. Annie thought Pippin was in trouble, so she ran over and jumped into the pool to save him. Pippin floundered to the surface and sent Merry an evil look. Then Anya 'saved' him. Most other people would call Anya's method of 'saving' Pippin, drowning Pippin. The hobbit spluttered and coughed as he was dragged under the water to the side of the pool.  
  
Hex and Laura came over to help haul Pippin out of the pool while Anya climbed out herself. It was only then that Lamoo realised she was a hobbit, she only really reached Legolas's waist, but then again, that's not exactly a bad thing.  
  
Mr Bean and Loki looked disgusted as they over heard what Lamoo whispered to Laura. Both giggled insanely then elf girl joined them. This was the elf girl who was dressed as a vampire, she arrived earlier. Her black cape had the groovy high collar thing and she was wearing Vampire teeth. She did have to spit them out into her hand to talk though.  
  
All the girls at the party seemed to be gathering together leaving the boys to look nervously at them and hope that they weren't plotting anything too evil against them.  
  
Mr Bean and Loki were still blobbing around together, sick and tired of all the girls drowning in drool as Legolas walked past in his teabag costume. Elladan had gotten out of the pool and was talking in hushed tones with Aragorn and his brother. Elrond was talking to Celeborn, in German for some reason. No one knew they could speak German. Not even Galadriel, and she was Celeborn's wife! Legolas was standing near Mr Bean, who was throwing loathing looks at him. The elf ignored Mr Bean's glares and chose to wander over and see what the girls were up to.  
  
Lamoo shook her head and pushed Legolas away from the Girl's huddle. The elf sighed and decided to annoy Mr Bean, the latter definitely not very fond of elves.  
  
"Hey dude," Legolas said.  
  
Mr Bean glared at him and grunted.  
  
"Oh that's friendly!" exclaimed Legolas in a sarcastic tone. Mr Bean glared some more so Legolas decided to see if Loki was nicer. Mel's muse was so Legolas found he could have quite intelligent conversations with Loki, providing they were talking about food.  
  
Suddenly there was a crash from inside and a few seconds later Haldir and Boromir came staggering into the scene. Both were topless and a little deranged.  
  
"Howdy Cheeseburgers!" Yelled Boromir.  
  
Haldir grinned stupidly. Ainsley and Nellie came sidling out, looking guilty, fidgeting.  
  
Banx giggled when Haldir skipped up to her, recognising his cloak. Haldir was topless at the moment, much to the disgust of most of the guys and even some of the girls. But not Ainsley or Banx. As Haldir staggered past, on a mission to the punch bowl, Ainsley and Banx tackled him to the ground. Ainsley snarled at Banx when the latter wrapped her arms around the elf. Haldir was oblivious to the fact that he was topless and wandering around at a party full of girls. Ainsley and Nellie had obviously put him and Boromir totally out of their minds, either that, or they'd found the stash of happy pills hidden in the bottom drawer.  
  
Banx snarled back at the puny blonde who was other wise known as Aimoo, resident evildoer. Ainsley growled back and whacked Banx's hand so the latter yelped and released Haldir. Everyone was gathering around and chanting 'fight fight fight!' and Pippin was trying to sell the food that was laid out on the table. Not much point really, people were just supposed to help themselves to it.  
  
Banx sent a swipe at Aimoo's head. Ainsley ducked and grabbed a cup of drink. She tossed into Banx's face and tried to hustle Haldir away. But Banx wiped off the accursed coke that was stinging her eyes with Haldir's magical red cloak and tackled Ainsley. Banx grabbed a handful of Ainsley's hair and Lamoo's sister yelped when Banx ended up with a fist full of her blonde hair.  
  
Saturndragon sighed and glanced at Anelith and Holly. They both shrugged and decided to pull Ainsley and Banx apart. They were on the verge of killing each other. Haldir was sitting in the grass with a dumbfounded expression of his face. The happy pills and/or torture must've been beginning to wear off. He did appear a little pleased that he was being fought over though. Saturndragon yanked Ainsley off Banx and Holly held the red-cloaked killing machine down. Anelith went to look for a place to lock them up in until they calmed down. She decided that the bathroom would be fine for Banx and they could find a broom cupboard and push the lounge in front of it to keep Lamoo's sister contained.  
  
Once the pair had been put somewhere where they couldn't make too much mess, the party continued. Aragorn had finished cooking the steaks and sausages, as well as some weird vegetarian stuff for Nellie, who was a vegetarian.  
  
Everybody ate their fill and soon Ainsley and Banx were let back out again. Ainsley was still a bit jumpy, but that was normal and Banx was completely fine. She strode sensibly over to the food table and plonked a yummy steak on her plate. She grabbed some salad and sat down on the grass next to Cotume and Hex. Cotume was swiping the grass with her pirate sword with one hand while in the other she was holding her fork. She was munching on a mushroom, which Frodo was eyeing hungrily. Hex making a face from her food. A bit of tomato from the salad was a mouth and she cut a bit of her meat up to make two eyes. A mushroom made a nose and her food face had lettuce hair.  
  
Tegz the magician had brought her stuff outside and was entertaining the hobbits. Anya had wormed her way in with the hobbits and was sitting between Frodo and Merry.  
  
"And for my first trick," began Tegz, "I will pull a rabbit out of my hat!"  
  
"Wow, so original," whispered Merry to Pippin. Pippin didn't get the sarcasm in Merry's voice so he agreed.  
  
"I know, be quiet, I want to see what happens." replied Pippin.  
  
Tegz pulled off her top hat and set in down on the table in front of her. She took a deep breath and thrust one hand inside the hat. With the other she waved her magic wand.  
  
"Swiss cheese, apple sauce, chlorine, spoon!" Tegz chanted. Those were the magic words and Pippin applauded even though nothing had happened yet.  
  
Tegz rummaged around in the bottom of her hat. She suddenly yelped and pulled her hand hurriedly out of the hat.  
  
"What happened?" asked Anya.  
  
Tegz scowled. "The rabbit bit me." She said crossly. "But I'll show that stupid rabbit!"  
  
The hobbits all looked excited. Now Sam had joined them, as had a few other people.  
  
"Cotume," Tegz called. "Can I borrow your sword?"  
  
Cotume didn't object too much and handed Tegz her pirate sword. "Be careful with it," she said. "Johnny Depp actually touched it," she giggled. "So did Orlando, but that was after I dropped the sword on his foot. He did get a little pissed off at me, but Johnny thought it was funny,"  
  
Tegz shrugged and gripped the hilt of the blade in one hand, and then she braced herself and stabbed the monster in her hat. There was a loud squeak and a miniature purple hippo with wings and horns came flying out yelling offensive things at Tegz in gibberish. The Magician stepped back quickly as the flying hippo charged at her brandishing a plastic spoon.  
  
Legolas whacked the hippo with his tea-bag-string-thingo-with-the-little- bit-of-cardboard-on-the-end as it flew past and the little monster spun around a few times, getting dizzy. Then Mel grabbed a net that was one of the many random objects that were kept in Lamoo's school bag, which was sitting outside on the deck, and threw the net over the cranky hippo.  
  
Anelith picked it up with Aragorn's tongs and threw it over the fence into the neighbours yard.  
  
"That was weird," commented Elf Girl. Everyone else agreed.  
  
"I have an idea," spoke up saturndragon, "let's play spin the bottle!"  
  
Not everyone wanted to play, so those that didn't went inside to see what Legolas had by way of music.  
  
The spin the bottle players gathered in the lounge room. Legolas, Aragorn and Boromir, who had recovered from his torture, moved the lounge and the coffee table out of the way so that everyone could sit in a big circle on the floor, just like preschool!  
  
Lamoo was happy to supply the bottle; she brought one in from the kitchen. It was an old bottle that looked like it had once had whiskey in it, Aragorn's no doubt.  
  
By now some of the guys were not looking too happy at the prospect of having to actually kiss one of the girls so the females at the party devised a plan. Nellie, Cotume, Holly and Emi-Lou disappeared for a time with Lamoo before reappearing some time later with bottles of alcohol.  
  
"You're underage," warned Legolas, "You cant drink that stuff," he said.  
  
Lamoo grinned, "But that doesn't mean you cant. We got it especially for you darlings." She said.  
  
But what Legolas didn't know, was that the girls had a plan to get the boys so pissed they couldn't tell the difference between a ketchup bottle and Lamoo's belly button fluff. Only then would the girls be safe to completely smother the select few males with kisses and other 'ahem' things without objections.  
  
Lamoo laughed rather evilly and sat down cross-legged on the carpet next to Ainsley and Banx. "Who wants to go first?" Lamoo asked those gathered.  
  
A few hands shot up; one of those was Saturndragon's. "Ooh! Me me me me me me!" she squealed. Lamoo nodded and handed her the bottle. Saturndragon put it in the middle of the circle and spun it. It pointed to Boromir.  
  
"Aww!" complained Saturndragon. Lamoo grinned and clicked her fingers and the bottle magically changed directions, pointing straight at one particular very hot blonde elf. Saturndragon grinned and crawled over to Legolas.  
  
The elf sighed wearily and sat still while saturndragon attempted to make out with him. Lamoo however was keeping a sharp eye on the time and pulled Saturndragon back from 'her' elf when her kissing time was up.  
  
"Ok, Legolas your turn," Lamoo said. The elf took his turn and groaned when the bottle landed on Frodo.  
  
"Can you please snap your fingers and, make it point to someone FEMALE maybe?" asked the elf.  
  
"Anyone in particular?" asked Lamoo with a sneaky smile.  
  
Legolas shook his head. "Anyone but Frodo, well or Gimli for that matter, or Gandalf, actually none of the hobbits. And while you're at it, not Haldir or Boromir or Aragorn either,"  
  
Lamoo sighed. "Picky, picky," she said. "Well, seeing as I have supreme control over what goes on here, I will make the bottle point to, um, how about me?"  
  
"NO!" yelled Legolas.  
  
Lamoo's lip trembled and she burst into tears. Nellie gave her a comforting hug while all the other fan girls sent disgusted glares Legolas's direction. Legolas sighed with exasperation. "Fine, if you'll stop blubbering," he said.  
  
Lamoo perked up and grinned stupidly. She wriggled over to her favourite elf and puckered up. "Ok, kiss me!" she demanded. "NOW!" the elf didn't move so Lamoo grabbed his face and smooched him, which would have made every other male at the party puke, especially Mr Bean, who hated Legolas with a passion.  
  
About ten minuted later, Lamoo had finished her kiss and had moved back over to her place in the circle, leaving Legolas looking rather sick and panting. The top part of his costume had also been partly removed, Lamoo was rather annoyed she couldn't get it completely off.  
  
"My turn!" yelled Anya. She spun the bottle and giggled when it pointed to Frodo. Frodo didn't mind Anya too much so he was ok to give her a nice little kiss. And Anya didn't try to eat Frodo like Lamoo had, so Frodo did not object at all. Then Pippin took his turn and ended up kissing Merry.  
  
The next few people to take their turns spinning to bottle were Smeagol, who ended up kissing Ainsley, Nellie, who ended up kissing, you got it, Legolas. The poor elf was now reduced to just sitting there while all these strange females tried to eat him. Next was Anelith, who got a kiss from both Frodo and Legolas. Her spin, the bottle had pointed between the two so Lamoo said she could kiss both. Then came Mel, who got a peck from Aragorn, Laura, who happily smooched by both Elrohir and Elladan.  
  
By now the girls had succeeded in getting the guys quite drunk so when Aragorn kissed Gimli, he thought the dwarf was just a hairy maiden. Gimli was also thoroughly pissed so he didn't even notice. Now the circle was not much of a circle, it was more just a mass of people crowded around a whiskey bottle. Charli-san took a spin and kissed Aragorn, who was busy rambling on about different kinds of cheeses and general interest magazines.  
  
Then Banx just licked Haldir, without spinning. Haldir would have had to have been the most drunk of all and was walking on the thin line between consciousness and blissful dark on his part. Still topless from his ordeal with Ainsley and Nellie, Haldir made an easy target.  
  
About an hour later, everyone else, who was just really Mr Bean, CF, Meg Greenleaf and Stephanie, wandered into the lounge room looking to see where everyone was.  
  
Meg was forced to step over the unconscious body of a drunk Elrond to get a good look at what had happened. It appeared that those that had not passed out from being too drunk had simply fallen asleep.  
  
"You guys wanna do something then?" asked Meg. All the others shrugged and no one noticed when Mr Bean gave Legolas a kick in the head. The elf was snoozing on the floor, a puddle of drool growing on the carpet, muttering strange things about killer bumblebees, orange crayons and home made ashtrays in his sleep.  
  
The foursome made their way into the kitchen and helped themselves to whatever food was left.  
  
About an hour and a half later, many of the 'spin the bottle players' had woken, and those, like Haldir, with a splitting headache.  
  
Lamoo staggered into the kitchen with Pippin behind her. "We're going to do some Karaoke now ok?" she said, still sounding sleepy. Pippin nodded and dragged CF out into the lounge room. Elrond, Loki, Laura and a few other people had to be moved into the bedrooms because they were still out cold and would simply be in the way if people were planning on dancing and mucking around.  
  
Saturndragon was back at her DJ post and was picking out some CD with the help of Legolas and Mr Bean, who were arguing about Meatloaf.  
  
"You're a vegetarian right?" asked Mr Bean.  
  
Legolas shook his head. "No, but apparently my human, erm, 'counterpart' Orlando is. So? What's the point?" the elf replied.  
  
"Vegetarians cannot like meatloaf," Mr Bean said resolutely.  
  
Legolas groaned. "I'm not vegetarian, and this is the band we're talking about you idiot!"  
  
Mr Bean frowned. "You are brought to life on the screen by Orlando Bloom and all unanswered questions about you shall be referred to him,"  
  
The elf rolled his eyes. "I have never met this Orlando guy, and this question is not unanswered! I just answered it!" Legolas informed Mr Bean.  
  
"Well you cant like meatloaf," Mr Bean said. "It's mine," then Mr Bean laughed evilly causing everyone to throw him scared looks. Except Lamoo, she just looked like she thought Mr Bean was insane.  
  
"Erm, guys?" asked Saturndragon.  
  
"What?" Mr Bean and Legolas chorused together.  
  
Saturndragon cleared her throat and fidgeted with the tail of her Pikachu costume. "Just give me the cd, I'm going to play it anyway."  
  
Mr Bean irritably handed the DJ the CD.  
  
"Hey Ryan," Lamoo called. "Do some Karaoke, you're the lucky first."  
  
Legolas stood by looking smug while Mr Bean was forced the stand on the little stage Aragorn had rigged up and sing.  
  
"What are you going to sing?" asked Hex watching Mr Bean intently.  
  
Mr Bean shrugged. "I'm not singing," he said firmly.  
  
"Oh yes you are," replied Lamoo who was standing next to Legolas, leaning on him. "If you don't I'll set my sister on you, maybe your brother too."  
  
"You can't do that!" exclaimed Mr Bean. "You don't even know my brother!"  
  
Lamoo nodded. "I know, but I have the supreme power over this fanfiction and I can make him appear if I want to."  
  
Mr Bean sighed in defeat. "Fine, have it your way, just don't let the little monster come."  
  
Lamoo nodded. "Ok, done." She said. "What are you going to sing?"  
  
"How about a Beatles song?" suggested Tegz. "I am the walrus maybe?"  
  
"Yes, good idea Tegz." Lamoo replied. "Now SING!" she ordered.  
  
Saturndragon found the CD with the karaoke music on it and put it on. Charli-san flicked the lights off and a spotlight pointed at Mr Bean. He gulped nervously. All the fan girls were getting impatient. Legolas rolled his eyes and came up onto the stage.  
  
"Move," he said shoving Mr Bean to the side. Mr Bean scowled and threw the microphone at the elf's head.  
  
"Yay! Leggie's going to sing!" screamed the fan girls in delight.  
  
Legolas flashed a perfect white-toothed smile and nodded to Saturndragon to start the music again. She did and Legolas began to sing. None of the girls cared if he could sing or not, the point was he was up on stage with a spotlight in his face. All the girls, well, most of them, were drowning in drool.  
  
Haldir suddenly felt he should give Legolas a hand with his song and barged his way through the crowds of fan girls to get up to the stage (which was really only the dining table with a sheet over it) Saturndragon passed Haldir a spare microphone and the elf strode over to Legolas, who was in the middle bit of the song 'I am the Walrus' with the bit about the egg man.  
  
"I am the egg man, I am the Walrus!"  
  
Then Haldir took over and he and Legolas took turns singing bits from the song.  
  
When they'd finished singing, Saturndragon put on some different music and told everyone to get up and dance.  
  
Most of the girls rushed towards Legolas but Lamoo appeared first.  
  
"I get to dance with the elf first," she said. "You all can have a go later,"  
  
All the girls said they didn't mind. Anelith went off to dance with Frodo, Laura danced with Elrohir. At least she thought it was Elrohir, he and his brother were twins after all. Nellie was partying with the other twin, Elladan; she knew Lamoo would give her a chance to do something with Legolas in a future chapter.  
  
Anya had run over to Pippin and Merry. Anelith was busy with Frodo so Anya decided Merry would be a good dance partner. Nellie got to dance with Aragorn, although it was not a particularly enjoyable experience, the ranger kept treading on her feet. Ainsley and Banx were taking turns to dance with Haldir, both girls quite good chums now.  
  
Loki walked over to Hex slowly and asked her to dance. Hex said she'd love to so they did, after Hex made Loki put down his sword. Mel had gotten stuck with Elrond and he was trying to make her waltz to very loud party music.  
  
Mr Bean didn't want to be left out so he was partnered with Arwen, only realising then how tall she was. Galadriel danced with Celeborn, which was to be expected, they were married after all.  
  
After the song was finished, everyone changed partners, Legolas very glad to be rid of Lamoo. Holly came over and she and the teabag danced.  
  
Cotume managed to get a dance with Legolas too, after Holly had finished with him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ that was all right wasn't it? Please let me know if you were supposed to be coming to the party and I didn't mention you in that chapter. There are kind of a lot of people so I might not have remembered everyone.  
  
Review please! Reviews make me very happy! And if I'm happy, I write more.  
  
Bye Until next chapter Love Lamoo 


	15. murder in the dark and fairy floss

AN/ all right then peoples, next chapter! Everyone happy? I'm not; I have the stupid flu. grr. Why do I bother with these pointless author notes? No one reads em anyway. Is it true that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness? Hmm, who cares?  
  
Ok, to make me feel better, I'm going to reply to your reviews. Thankyou guys, you make my day! Here we go. one more thing, sorry if you reviewed for chapter 13 and you didn't get a reply, I didn't get a chance to have a look at some of those reviews until the day I started writing this chapter.  
  
Achoo: fairy floss! Whoo hoo! We Luvs it! Must remember to put more stuff in about the fairy floss machine. You guys are great for ideas, thanks a million! You did manage to get the caps lock turned off? Clever you!  
  
Tegz: nice to know you're still hanging around waiting for me to update. You're bored? Hmm, hope you wont be too bord once I finish this chapter. Mwa haa haa *feeling very evil* enjoy reading!  
  
Mr Bean: ickyness is the whole point of writing this! Well, not really, mainly just for fun. Hehe. Aw, is Mr Bean all pissy at Lamoo cos she made him dance? Aw, well too bad! Mwa haa haa. And just because I would give an arm and a leg to kiss the wonderful elf (Legolas, NOT Arwen you sick sad numskull) doesn't mean that you would go to the same lengths. In fact, if you did I might be feeling a little disturbed. Hehe. Mel will be happy you like Loki; Loki's a very cool dude. And your question, Gimli dressed up as Legolas. well, I'll explain in this chapter, basically cos the poor lil dwarf thought that if he looked like Legolas he'd get the girls too, hmm, evidently not it seems. I am the walrus is a very cool song, one of the only Beatles songs I know most of the words to anyway, hehe. And I never agreed that vegetarians cannot like meatloaf, Mr Bean and Leggie were arguing and Saturndragon had to break it up. Ooh! Had an idea. not telling you what it is though until later. Mwa haa haa! Don't worry, no dancing.  
  
Aelimir: I have never actually cut myself with a pair of tongs, my buddy Emily did once though. It was really funny actually, but she didn't seem to think so, seeing as how she was bleeding all over the tea towel she was supposed to be drying the tongs on. Hehe, no more tongs. I love the idea about Jack Sparrow in his little boat in the pool, it rocks! Only thing wrong is that I have to see POTC first, I'm going to go off my rocker (well, more than usual) if I don't see it soon. Arg! Ok, calmed down now, thanks for the review. Hope you enjoy this update.  
  
LOTR FREAK: ooh! I'm so flattered! *Feels very honoured to be LOTR FREAK's #1 funny LOTR fic* thankies chum. You like the parties? Hmm, then I will just have to make them continue on a bit longer than they would have usually done. Poor Leggie, I feel very sorry for him. But you can't blame Gimli for dressing up like everyone's fav elf can you? All the poor dwarf wanted was to be like his idol. Hehe.  
  
LotRseer3350: ack! I am terrible when it comes to replying to reviews in the right chapters! Sorry, hope you can forgive me. Thought you might have liked the last chapter, hehe. More hobbits for you then? Pleased I got your costume down ok, enjoy this update!  
  
Luna-Lovegood-fan: you read my other fanfic!? Yay! So happy! But I'll probably just be happier if you review this one. Thanks a million! Hope you can have a good giggle at this ridiculous chappie.  
  
Paladin Dragoon: oops, sorry for making you waltz with Elrond, I promise you can make him leave you alone in this chapter. No shooting though, I don't want to have to clean up all the blood and guts all over the floor. Lol. Bathroom queen, yes, that's a really good idea, must do that! Thanks for the suggestion. (  
  
Kawaii elf girl: ok, quite a bit to say here. Sorry sorry sorry for not letting you do anything with Leggie or dance with anyone. It's just that there are a LOT of people at this party and its really hard trying to write about everyone doing different things and trying to be equal. I apologise and I'll make sure you get a good dance in with someone (most likely Leggie) then go and do some evil stuff with Elrohir and Elladan. Oh yes, will make sure there's plenty of catnip on hand, hehe. I like your idea of the Legolas shrine, I sort of have a collection of posters and piccys that cover my bedroom wall, but I wouldn't call mine a 'shrine' as such. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chappie, will make mental note to self to make sure you get a dance with Leggie.  
  
Marissa03: party party party! Glad you liked it, even though its not really that original, heaps of fics have the fellowship having a party. I liked the idea so decided to jump on the bandwagon. Yes, look out for yourself a bit later on in this chapter, or maybe in the beginning of the next one. Hehe, feeling evil, must go and write. hehe.  
  
Han: Yea, I know that Aragorn has quite a number of fan girls too, like that here in Aus too. I just happen to prefer the elf, sorry, I just do. But if you like I'll pay poor sad Aragorn a bit more attention. Thanks for taking the time to review, and sorry Elladan and Galadriel were a bit sick in your opinion, I write things that appeal to my warped sense of humour, which is not necessarily shared by all.  
  
Kiss the Flame: you knew Gimli was an elf? Aw damn, I really suck at giving subtle hints that no one is supposed to guess. *Sigh* ah well, Emi-Lou's Ketchup bottle will play a part in this chapter, or maybe the next. mwa haa haa.  
  
Oddwen: what? You don't like Orlando? Ahhh! What is this world coming to? Oh well, you're entitled to your opinion. I wont try and change you, hehe. Yea, remind me not to do this party thing again, introducing all these people, as you said, is REALLY dry. Sorry, I cant really put any more people in at the party, I'm having enough trouble as is trying to remember who's who, who wants to dance with who, and what everyone came dressed as. But after the party I will make sure you get an appearance. Promise.  
  
Hex of the Unseelie: hehe, do you think Elladan's pantsless moment payed him back for making Elrohir jump over the waterfall nude in your fic? Hehe, feel rather sorry for the poor Elfie though. And NEVER let Leggie hear you mention his name and tights in the same sentence, bad, bad, he would probably throttle you! Ah! Not good! Elrond for Hex then, if that makes the penguin happy. ^ ^ And yes, I think some evil on the twins part with a few helpers would be very amusing. Tee hee. Oh yes, Loki is Mel's (Paladin Dragoon) muse. (Not entirely sure what exactly a muse is, you'll have to ask Mel,)  
  
Holly: do I take that review to mean you liked your entrance into the fic? Still want Leggie to go for a swim? Hmm, maybe not, its dark in Lamoo's little land of crazy things where the fellowship lives. Ah! Have an idea!! But not telling yet, have to read on to find out! And yes, I will have to tell Aragorn that you are sorry about his finger. I still don't know how ANYONE really managed to cut themselves with tongs.  
  
Crystyna: another party? Erm, sorry to be a party pooper, but I don't think I'd have enough ideas for another party. But since you really wanted to be in the fic, you can meet the fellowship somewhere else. And as soon as I've seen POTC (WHICH WONT BE UNTIL BLOODY SEPTEMBER COS AUSTRALIA SUX) I'm gonna put Will Turner and Jack Sparrow in there too. Hehe. Enjoy this chappie.  
  
Anelith: fairy floss! Love it! Pure sugar! Yummy! Might need someone to go after the twins or a hobbit later, have a sneaking suspicion one of them might get into a bit of a mess. Thankies for the review and get a wriggle on updating your story! I love it!  
  
Kiftyuthonaerantae: Smeagol as a butterfly, what a sad disturbed world I live in. you liked Gimli as Legolas? Oh that's good, cos Legolas sure didn't like Gimli in his costume, hehe.  
  
Meg Greenleaf: it was pretty obvious why you changed your last name to Greenleaf wasn't it? Hehe. You're very welcome, happy to put you in the story. And look! We have more things in common! Miniature objects and people also rule my brain! Except I have cotton buds, Christmas beetles and all these little elves running around in my head causing havoc. Hehe.  
  
Elfitchick: ooh, I almost forgot about Aragorn's monopoly, must remember to go back to that, thankyou, happy you're enjoying this. Be prepared for way more crazies, heh heh heh *cough cough* heh.  
  
Legolas stalker: Twin action? Yes, that sounded very wrong indeed. Oh well, no matter, glad you enjoyed your twin snogging session. Hope you're having/ or had, a nice time of your 'mission', sounds, erm, 'fun'. All I can say now is that Peter Jackson had better make the wonderful twins look god, or I will personally clobber him, either that or hire Legolas to shoot him. Hehe. Aw! You guys are on summer holidays in the sates aren't you! Lucky lucky, us here in chilly Sydney have to go to school, well, not me really, got the flu, grr. Damn, ranting on again, sorry to bother you. Ah yes, if you like you could've just been 'asleep' hehe, instead of drunk. Hehe, champagne, yummy, you ever dipped strawberries in it? Very yummy.  
  
Ivory Tower: funniest thing you've read in a while? Whoa, thanks, but what about your fics? Hmm, anyway, thankies so much for adding me to your favs list, have to return the favour.  
  
Inweofnargothrond: Legolas hugging, sounds like heaps of fun, *sigh* not likely to ever happen, but hey, I can dream cant I? I love Pippin too, he and Merry and my fav hobbits, cant decide who's better, but probably tent to lean towards pip, love his accent, so cute. And just to let you know, Mr Bean scares me sometimes too, he's a guy, what do you really expect? I want fairy floss! Sugar, *drool*, ah ha ha ha! I saw Ned Kelly five times in March! Tee hee! Only rated M over here (apparently 'recommended for viewers over 15 years of age', but really anyone can get in, a bit like your PG13 I think.) anyway, it's not really that good, only saw it cos Orlando was in it. But then again, all the shots of Kangaroos and gum trees were very unnecessary. Hehe, it was really sad at the end though. But I'd happily wait until Christmas to see Ned Kelly if I could have the pirates NOW! Ahhh! *Cries*. What have I been doing? Ranting on and on that's what, I think I'll stop now and leave all you sane people to get on with your lives. Enjoy this chappie.  
  
Angel 110: hmm, family vacation, hmm, at least you're ON vacation, I'm supposed to be at school! Grr. But that's ok, thanks for reviewing again, nice to know you're still around. Uh, I don't think I can really introduce more people in here, sorry, but I promise I'll introduce you to the story after the party or something, maybe the fellowship can go see a movie or something.  
  
Lolly: as much as I would SO love to put you in the party, I'm afraid I cant, very very sorry. But seeing as how you cant really come to the party, you get a cameo appearance all to yourself later, that ok? Will make sure Leggie gives you a kiss when you meet.  
  
Saturndragon: hehe, thought you'd enjoy that bit. More Leggie singing? Hmm, maybe. Pikachu DJ might want to leave her stuff for a moment to join the party, heh.  
  
Hmm, well THAT took long enough, not that I really mind answering reviews of course, I love getting them and I love replying to them, well, not as much as I like writing the actual story. All right, going to quit my blabbering now and get on with the chapter.  
  
Oki, disclaimer:  
  
Lamoo sat her computer in her purple panda dressing gown with a box if tissues, some butter menthols and the flu. Thankfully, she has several elves, a somewhat stinky ranger, and a bunch of hobbits in her possession. Aragorn and Pippin wandered into Lamoo's study and sat down next to her. Haha, they also had the flu. Then Leggie came in and gave everyone (well, mainly Lamoo) a hug and they all got better.  
  
Pity this could never happen, the flu sucks and I will never in a million years own anything of Tolkien's. *Sigh*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
That was a very odd disclaimer. Hmm, anyway, on with the story, don't forget to review at the end! Reviews make Lamoo happy and when Lamoo's happy she doesn't mind when she sneezes all over the screen and has to wipe the snot off it so she can see the writing again. ( Ah yes, also very happy cos I saw POTC!!! Yay, not supposed to be out here yet, till September 18, but my friend Jess leant me a copy of it on DVD. (Pirated, hehe, probably from Malaysia or something) and I watched it! *Screams in delight* loved it! Almost better than LOTR! Actually, about equal. LOVE jack sparrow and Will, *drool* but I really felt like pushing Elizabeth off that wall thingo at the end when she was kissing Will, even though my sister says he started it. Anywho, you lot are probably getting bored with my blabbing so I'll get on and start the story now.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Previously in 'The fellowship and the elf next door,' the party got in full swing. Banx and the author's little sister had a fight over the deranged Haldir, a rigged game of spin the bottle was played, a purple hippo flew out of Tegz's magician hat, Legolas and Haldir did some Karaoke and Lamoo has a feeling Mr Bean is going to kill her after this chapter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"That was my foot!" wailed Mel as Elrond tried to waltz her past the hobbits' square dancing attempt, and trod on her foot for the forty forth time that night.  
  
Mel decided she'd had enough. She pushed Elrond back and aimed her machine gun (with ammo) at the elf's head.  
  
"Mel! Don't think about it!" yelled Lamoo. "I'll end up having to clean up any spilt brains!"  
  
Mel sighed. "Fine," she replied. "But can I at least scare him with my lovely gun?"  
  
Lamoo broke off her dance with Glorfindel and came over to where Mel was standing. Lamoo shrugged. "If you like, just don't make any mess."  
  
Mel nodded obediently but cracked a wicked grin once Lamoo's back was turned.  
  
"Alright elfy," she said quietly to Elrond, whacking him with the end of her gun. "Dance is over." Elrond yelped and scurried away to hide behind his daughter.  
  
Mel laughed evilly and put away her weapon. She smiled happily when Legolas came over and asked her for a dance.  
  
Meanwhile, Arwen was in a very bad mood, as was Mr Bean. Mr Bean was on the verge of killing Lamoo after the accursed cow made him dance with that she-elf bitch. Arwen was equally as annoyed with Lamoo, convinced she had made her dance with Mr bean on purpose. Mind you, Lamoo had never liked Arwen much, not after she stole Glorfindel's horse and role in the fellowship of the ring. grr.  
  
Gimli was sitting to the edge of the room looking bored, as well as rather sad. He'd hoped his Legolas costume would've reeled in the girls, but it just seemed to scare them a bit, well, maybe more than a bit. With a sigh the dwarf threw down his blonde braided wig and moped. Luckily Ainsley noticed. She scampered over and sat down next to the gloomy dwarf.  
  
"Wassup Gimli?" she wanted to know.  
  
Gimli sighed. "Nothing," he replied.  
  
Ainsley raised her eyebrows. "Whatever," she remarked. "Anyway, Lauren says we're gonna do the hokey pokey soon and I was wondering if you wanted to dance?"  
  
Gimli perked up and nodded happily.  
  
"Great!" said Ainsley, pulling the dwarf up and dragging him into the middle of the room. "Now all I have to do is figure out how to do the hokey pokey with a partner,"  
  
Elf girl was a little disappointed at the moment; she hadn't had a chance to dance with her favourite elf yet. Legolas was finishing his dance with Mel and her gun, the elf quite enjoying the girl's company. It was unfortunate that Loki, Mel's muse, could be a twit at times, he always accompanied Mel wherever she went and could really only brought into line by CF and Mel herself when he was in idiot mode.  
  
But right now Loki was being fairly normal, perhaps a little excitable, but having a great time finishing the last of the pepperoni pizza in between dances.  
  
Stephanie was trying to dance with Aragorn but unfortunately, her teapot handle kept getting in the way. Not that Aragorn really noticed, he was still a tad on the tipsy side, all the cuter to the girls who fancied him. Steph grew so frustrated with the stupid ranger that she huffed off to have a dance with Glorfindel.  
  
Suddenly people started to chant. "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"  
  
Lamoo rolled her eyes. 'Must be Ainsley and Banx again,' she thought to herself. But both her sister and buddy Banx were standing in the crowd. Lamoo pushed her way through and gasped.  
  
Boromir and Legolas were circling each other, loathing evident in both the elf's and the Gondorian's eyes. 'Hmm, must be about the tights again,' thought Lamoo.  
  
"How DARE you call me that!" roared Legolas, throwing off his cardboard teabag so he could clobber Boromir better (AN/ for all you sick people, he has a shirt and pants underneath!)  
  
"I called you a prissy because you are!" snarled Boromir in return. There was a cheer in the crowd and everyone assumed it to be Mr Bean, who would probably go to any length to see Legolas bashed up.  
  
"I am NOT a prissy!" came the elf's reply. "Just because you, Mr clumsy, smelly, feakazoidial Gondor man, don't have any semblance of grace or self control does not give you licence to pay out on those who do!"  
  
"Ooh! Good come back Leggie!" squealed Elf girl excitedly from the crowd.  
  
The elf smirked. Boromir didn't seem to be bale to piece together what Legolas had said entirely so he just stood there a second thinking about the best way to insult the elf. Legolas sneered. "Oh, how very intelligent of you Boromir," he teased. "A good time for a comeback would be anytime now,"  
  
Boromir didn't wait any longer, he lunged at the blonde. Legolas was ready, he assumed Boromir would try something violent; those without many brains often relied on brute strength.  
  
Legolas dodges to one side easily then stuck his leg out. Boromir was surprised by the elf's dodge and failed to notice Legolas's leg until he was face down on the carpet.  
  
Legolas put one foot on Boromir's back and grabbed a fistful of the man's hair.  
  
"Let's forget you every made that comment shall we?" offered the elf. Boromir whimpered into the carpet. "If you ever say something like that to me again, or behind my back for that matter, I promise you I will not hesitate to beat the snot out of you."  
  
With that Legolas let Boromir back up and stalked back into the crowd.  
  
'That was boring!" whined Pippin "Why didn't you whack him right there Lego?"  
  
Legolas turned around and looked down at the hobbit. "Would it amuse you more master hobbit," the elf began. "If I clobbered you instead?"  
  
"Erm, no." squeaked Pippin. "Thankyou anyway." The hobbit disappeared back into the crowd.  
  
"What was that all about?" enquired Hex, coming out of the kitchen with the drink she went to get.  
  
"That," began CF, "Is what happens when an elf is aggravated."  
  
"Oh, I see," replied Hex.  
  
"I have an idea," spoke up Aragorn. "Let's play pass the parcel!"  
  
Everyone shot odd glances the ranger's direction.  
  
"Erm, ok, how about cards or something?" Aragorn said with a shrug.  
  
"Hmm, why not," remarked Anya  
  
Again, not everyone at the party wanted to join in so those who wanted to play cards sat around the table outside on the deck. Aragorn, Cotume, Anya and Frodo pulled up seats (in Frodo's and Anya's case, a cushion as well so they could see the top of the table.)  
  
"Do you all know how to play 500?" asked Aragorn, giving the pack of cards a good shuffle. Frodo had been the one to teach Aragorn to play 500, although the ranger beat him by massive amounts on a fairly regular basis now. Cotume knew how to play and so did Anya.  
  
"Prepare to lose guys," Cotume said picking up the pile of cards she'd been dealt and glancing up at Anya, who she was partnering, to try to get some indication of the other's hand.  
  
"Sure, whatever," retorted Frodo, grinning as he saw he had the joker, two aces and a king of clubs in his hand.  
  
"Alrighty," began Cotume, "Aragorn dealt so it's my go. I call six hearts."  
  
"Eek no," replied Frodo. "Seven clubs. Don't have any hearts!"  
  
"Seven hearts" said Anya, going along with what Cotume had suggested. It was a pretty smart move, between them, the girls had the two red bowers (jacks) both the king and queen of hearts as well as a nine, seven, six and a four. Cotume was also holding the ace of hearts. "Gonna try and beat that?" Anya asked Frodo smugly, knowing he couldn't.  
  
Frodo sighed. "Fine, pass, go ahead."  
  
Anya grinned and picked up the kitty (the pile of cards that you get if you win the call). "Arg, damn, what a useless load of junk," she exclaimed, throwing down a pile of low black cards.  
  
Meanwhile, while the foursome was playing cards, everyone else was debating over something to do.  
  
"Musical chairs?" suggested Sam hopefully.  
  
"Uh, no, perhaps not," replied Legolas. "Last time I played that at a party I ended up sitting on Lamoo by mistake. She wouldn't let me get up, even though I was breaking her knees."  
  
Everyone then agreed that musical chairs would not be a good idea.  
  
"No musical statues either while we're on the subject," spoke up Gimli. "Last time we played that Lamoo kept tickling me, it was horrible I tell you!"  
  
"I have an idea," said Nellie. "How about murder in the dark?"  
  
The hobbits squeaked. "Eek, no killing!"  
  
Nellie shook her head and gave the jumpy Pippin a hug. "No you twit, there's no killing, well, not normally. It's just basically hide and seek in the dark."  
  
Pippin grinned and decided that murder in the dark would be fun.  
  
"I'll be in." spoke up Lamoo, clicking the mini flashlight on her key chain behind her back. "Turn of the lights!"  
  
All the lights went out and there was a lot of kafuffle with everyone trying not to trip over each other in the dark.  
  
"You have sixty seconds to hide, "  
  
"Wait," spoke up Merry. "Can we hide out side?" he asked.  
  
"Don't see why not," replied Lamoo. "Now HIDE!" she commanded. "One, two, three, four,"  
  
Everyone rushed to get the good hiding places.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Holly, Laura and Saturndragon ran off outside with a few other people. Laura climbed up a random tree, which happened to have Merry and Pippin's tree house in its branches. A little bit shabby, thought Laura as she looked at the tree house. Shabby was an understatement. The hobbits' tree house had no roof, only a tarpaulin over the top. The walls were made of wood; the same wood Haldir's fence was made of. It was pretty obvious where Merry and Pippin had gotten the wood.  
  
"We can hide up here!" Laura called to Holly and Saturndragon.  
  
"One little problem," began Holly. "How are we supposed to get up? It's a little hard to climb a tree in a dress. And Saturndragon's wearing a pikachu costume!"  
  
Laura noticed a hole in her plan, there was no ladder. "Just hide behind the tree and hope Lamoo is too dumb to look out here,"  
  
Holly and Saturndragon took refuge behind the trunk of the tree while Laura hid up in the tree house.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
While those three were hiding, Merry and Pippin were running around like maniacs looking for somewhere to hide. Suddenly Merry spotted the fairy floss machine.  
  
"Hey Pip, do you think we'll fit inside?" Merry asked Pippin, who was looking under a table to see if he could hide under it.  
  
Pippin looked over at the fairy floss machine. "I think we could," he replied. So both hobbits hurried over to the fairy floss machine and climbed inside. The masses and masses of sticky sugar over everything didn't worry them too much. Merry climbed in first and sat cross-legged at the bottom and Pippin climbed in on top of him.  
  
"Ow Pippin," Merry complained. "That's my face!"  
  
"Sorry," replied Pippin moving a bit so he wasn't sitting on Merry's face. Both hobbits busied themselves licking the sugar off the inside of the fairy floss machine until Lamoo came to look for them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Legolas hustled Haldir and the twins into the kitchen.  
  
"Quick, hide," the elf whispered. Haldir nodded and climbed into the pantry. He closed the door and crunching could be heard from inside the cupboard. "Haldir?"  
  
"Mmmph?"  
  
"Stop eating the un-cooked pasta."  
  
"Sorry," came the reply and the crunching stopped.  
  
"Where are we supposed to hide?" asked Elladan looking around the kitchen nervously.  
  
Legolas budged from his hiding place, the space between the roof and the top of the cupboards, to look around for somewhere for his friends to hide. "Uh," he said blankly. "Ok, Elrohir, you can fit in the drawer with the saucepans, and Elladan, see if you can squeeze into the broom cupboard."  
  
The twins did as Legolas told them to and all four elves in the room lay in wait, silent apart from the odd crunching of Haldir eating raw pasta coming from the pantry.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Ha!" yelled Anya in triumph as she won her hand. "I told you! We're gonna win, we're gonna win!"  
  
Aragorn sat in his seat looking annoyed while Frodo's face showed that the hobbit had no hope left.  
  
"I don't want to play any more," spoke up Aragorn.  
  
"Then you forfeit," announced Cotume hi fiving Anya. "Let's go see what the others are up to."  
  
"After we get some food," added Anya. Frodo nodded in agreement.  
  
"To the kitchen then!" said Cotume standing up and waving her pirate sword in the air. "I wonder if they have any rum?"  
  
"You have seen that movie way too many times," replied Frodo shaking his head.  
  
"Oh be quiet."  
  
So Aragorn, Frodo, Cotume and Anya made their way into the kitchen, not knowing there were four elves hidden in there somewhere.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Meanwhile, Banx, Hex, Mel and her muses and Mr Bean were looking for a place to hide.  
  
"Do you think anyone would mind if we hid in the bedrooms?" wondered Hex.  
  
"Probably not, who cares anyway," replied Mr Bean.  
  
"Is it just me," began Mel, "or is Lamoo taking a very long time to count to 60?"  
  
"I think it's just you," replied the others. Mel shrugged and they all ran off towards the fellowships' bedrooms.  
  
Banx threw open the door to Legolas room and threw herself under the bed, only to find out that there were several other people already under there. Annoyed, Banx ducked behind the curtains. No one was there so she claimed the hiding spot, leaving the others to find a spot for themselves.  
  
Mr Bean opened the door to Merry and Pippin's room and hurried in, Loki coming in behind him. "Hurry," whispered Loki as he tried to squeeze into the gap behind the bookshelf. It was a miracle that he actually fitted; there was hardly room to breathe! Mr Bean dived under the covers of Pippin's bunk and artfully arranged the cushions on top of himself so Lamoo wouldn't notice a large lump in the bed.  
  
Hex, Mel and CF quickly rushed into the bathroom. Hex climbed into the cupboard under the sink and closed the doors so she was hidden from view. Mel stood against the shower walls and pulled the curtain across. CF, being a dragon, was able to fly up and sit on the top of the door. As long as no one decided to open or close it quickly, she thought she had found a great hiding spot.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Forty six, forty seven, forty eight," Lamoo droned on.  
  
"Lauren?"  
  
"What? You're supposed to be hiding Ainsley,"  
  
"I know," replied Lamoo's little sister. "But all the good spots are taken and I don't want to hide with Sam, he smells funny."  
  
"Go hide with Haldir then, I'll give you an extra 20 seconds," said Lamoo.  
  
"Cool, thanks," answered Ainsley, running off to join Haldir in the kitchen.  
  
Ainsley scampered into the kitchen just as Aragorn, Frodo, Anya and Cotume wandered in.  
  
"Sorry, have to hide," said Aimoo quickly, wrenching open the pantry door interrupting Haldir's pasta eating, and climbing inside with him.  
  
"Alright then," remarked Cotume, trying to find the light switch so they could actually see.  
  
She found it and flicked it on. There was suddenly a yell and the form of an elf clad in a teabag came crashing from the on top of the cupboards to the floor.  
  
"Ow," moaned Legolas.  
  
"Oh my goodness Leggie!" exclaimed Cotume and Anya, rushing over to the elf. Aragorn just stood back laughing.  
  
"Why did you have to go and turn on the light?" Legolas wanted to know as he rubbed his sore head. "We're hiding from Lamoo, playing murder in the dark!"  
  
"Oh sorry," replied Cotume. "I was wondering why the lights were off,"  
  
"That's ok," replied Legolas. "Just turn off the light again, we're still supposed to be hiding."  
  
Anya flicked the switch and she and Cotume sat on kitchen stools in the dark waiting for the game to finish so they could eat something.  
  
"You know what I really feel like?" mumbled Cotume.  
  
"Rum?" replied Anya  
  
"How did you guess?" exclaimed Cotume.  
  
"Because everything you do now has something to do with pirates of the Caribbean, including that stupid hat with the feather on it that Will turner wore."  
  
"I happen to like that hat," scoffed Cotume.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ sorry wasn't as long as I thought it'd be. Also didn't get a chance to put everything I wanted to in this chapter. But don't dismay, I'm just about to start writing the next chapter! Yay!  
  
Well, I'll be off now, toodles, don't forget to review.  
  
Until next chapter, Love Lamoo 


	16. a dry chapter where everyone is found

AN/ chapter 16! Will do all my author notes at the end as well as reply to reviews.  
  
Disclaimer: Lamoo sat dazed in front of the TV. Jack Sparrow and Will turner suddenly pop out. Legolas is sitting on the couch next to Lamoo and he rolls his eyes and groans.  
  
"Mwa haa haa! I own all of you!" cackled Lamoo. Jack, Will and Leggie all sent scared looks Lamoo's direction. "Or perhaps not," Lamoo added.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Previously in the Fellowship and the Elf Next Door, the party crazies continued, Legolas and Boromir got a little pissed at each other, Nellie suggested everyone play murder in the dark, Haldir ate some raw pasta, Anya and Cotume played cards with Aragorn and Frodo and kicked the guy's asses and last but not least, Merry and Pippin licked the sugar off the inside of the fairy floss machine.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Oh I am so going to find you," Lamoo muttered to herself as she crept through the dark and silent house.  
  
Sam was hiding under the living room rug and grunted loudly as Lamoo tripped over him.  
  
"Great hiding spot Sam," Lamoo remarked sarcastically.  
  
"I know," replied Sam with a grin as he wriggled out from under the rug and rose to his feet.  
  
Lamoo rolled her eyes and with Sam's company, continued the search for everyone. Nellie was hiding behind the living room curtains, but unfortunately, her glowworm costume was glowing and she was a bit on the obvious side.  
  
"I see you Nellie!" gigged Lamoo.  
  
"Oh darn!" Nellie grumbled. "Atua Miqula Orqu,"  
  
"That was not nice," commented someone else from behind the couch.  
  
"Hi Anelith," said Lamoo, knowing who was there without even moving the couch to find Anelith.  
  
"How did you know it was me?" Anelith wanted to know.  
  
Lamoo shrugged. "Cos I remember you writing all this stuff in elvish in one of your fanfiction chapters and I figured you probably spoke a bit of elvish,"  
  
"Hmm, clever reasoning,"  
  
Lamoo giggled. "I know, isn't it?" she asked, pleased with herself.  
  
"Um," spoke up Sam timidly. "Shouldn't we still be looking for people? And what did Nellie say?"  
  
"I told her to go and kiss and orc," Nellie replied. "Very rude aren't I?"  
  
Sam nodded freely.  
  
"But yes," added Lamoo. "Mr Bean will be even more pissed off with me than he already is if I leave him hiding in Pippin's bed all night,"  
  
"How did you know where he was?" wondered Anelith.  
  
"Oh, I dunno," answered Lamoo. "Just a hunch I guess. Also I know everything about what goes on here, I make it up as I go along,"  
  
"Right, that's why things are so weird around here," spoke up someone else.  
  
"You can come out Glorfy, I know you're next to the fireplace." Lamoo said coolly.  
  
"Why did you make me hide there?" asked Glorfindel. "What a cruddy place to hide,"  
  
"Mainly so I could find you," replied Lamoo. "But in case you didn't notice, you came to the party as a tree, how are you supposed to climb things without falling over?"  
  
"I am an elf!" retorted Glorfindel.  
  
Lamoo nodded. "I know that, but an elf in a cardboard tube that's supposed to resemble a tree trunk isn't usually very mobile. Now, if you'll excuse us, I'm still trying to find everyone else."  
  
Glorfy sighed and shrugged. "Go on then," he said.  
  
Lamoo, Anelith, Sam and Nellie continued their hunt.  
  
"Lamoo," began Anelith. "If you know exactly where everyone is, why do you bother looking for them?"  
  
Lamoo cackled evilly, causing Sam and Glorfindel to shoot worried glances her direction. "Cos I know that some of these people are hidden in quite uncomfortable places. Most of them hate me enough already, so it wont hurt to let them stay hidden a bit longer will it?"  
  
"I guess not," replied Anelith. "Makes sense. Why don't you go and find Legolas so I can give him a hug?"  
  
"I think I will now, be interesting to see how he decides to climb down off the tops of the kitchen cupboards." Lamoo said. "But I get the first hug,"  
  
Anelith agreed this would be ok, she could always get Frodo.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I wish she'd hurry up and find us," whispered Elladan, who was squished into the broom cupboard.  
  
"Mmm hmmm," came Legolas's reply. "I know, I think Aragorn put rat traps up here,"  
  
"Ouch," said Elrohir from the pot drawer. "But why would be put rat traps on top of the cupboard with the plates and stuff in it?"  
  
"Search me," replied Legolas. "This is Aragorn we're talking about though. He sometimes does some pretty dumb things."  
  
"Hey, like you don't?" spoke up Aragorn; he was still in the kitchen.  
  
"Well as far as I know, I have never cut my thumb on a pair of tongs, nor have I somehow shut my hair in the car door."  
  
Anya spoke up. "Hair?" she asked.  
  
"Yes hair, you know, that long stuff growing out of your head," replied Legolas. "  
  
"Why did he shut it in the car door in the first place?" Cotume asked.  
  
Everyone heard an audible sigh coming from the top of the cupboards. Legolas spoke. "Because it was one of those days where Aragorn parades around outside nude after he's been drinking a lot and eating a lot of sugar. One time, on one of his weekly, erm, adventures, he got a fence post stuck up his ass,"  
  
Anya and Cotume giggled but Frodo shuddered.  
  
Legolas continued, "Anyway, he was looking for gum under the seat in his car and closed the door because it was draffy. He must have neglected the fact that his head was actually preventing the door from closing."  
  
"You people are very strange," Lamoo's voice came from the doorway and the evil authoress clicked her mini flashlight. "By the way, I found you all, Legolas get down off the tops of the cupboards, Elrohir is in the pot drawer and Elladan, stop making out with the mop.  
  
Lamoo flicked the light on and opened the door of the broom cupboard. Inside Elladan was talking to a mop, and then kissing it tenderly.  
  
"It's not what you think!" yelled the elf in panic. "We're just good friends!"  
  
"Sure," replied Lamoo. "And Haldir, stop eating the pasta,"  
  
Sam yelped.  
  
"Oh, I forgot, Sam's supposed to be scared of pasta. Anyway Haldir, the fellowship are supposed to be having spaghetti tomorrow night." Lamoo said putting her hands in her hips.  
  
Sam yelped again.  
  
Lamoo ignored the hobbit's yelp and continued. "How am I supposed to write about Gandalf spilling boiling water over everything while cooking the pasta if you eat it all?"  
  
The crunching stopped and Haldir opened the door to the pantry. "Sorry," he mumbled through a last mouthful of raw ravioli and climbed out of the pantry. Elladan sidled out of the broom cupboard, but not before telling the mop he'd be back later. Elrohir was stuck in the pot drawer and Glorfindel, Haldir and Elladan had to pull him out. Legolas was still on top of the cupboards, trying to work out how to get down. With a sigh Lamoo reached up and grabbed the elf's hair. She pulled and poor old Leggie came tumbling down to the ground for the second time.  
  
"Sheesh," exclaimed Legolas. "You could have warned me!"  
  
"Sorry," replied Lamoo. "Come on, I still have to find the others. Lego, you and Haldir go and get Laura, Holly and Saturndragon, they're outside in Merry and Pippin's tree house."  
  
"Cool, they never told me Merry and Pippin had a tree house!" remarked Haldir.  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes. "You think he might have noticed by now that half his fence is missing." The elf muttered to Elrohir. "That pile of fence posts and that orange tarp in that tree aren't exactly camouflaged either."  
  
"Go on!" ordered Lamoo. "Get on with it!"  
  
Legolas and Haldir scampered out of the kitchen and Lamoo went the other way with Nellie. Anelith and Glorfindel as well as the twins had stayed in the kitchen and were now digging through the fridge with Anya and Cotume.  
  
"Yay! Rum!" giggled Cotume. Anya just shook her head.  
  
Lamoo and Nellie ran down the hall. The bathroom was closest so Lamoo decided to find all the people hidden in there first. Lamoo knew who was in the bathroom, but was not counting on CF sitting on top of the door. The authoress pushed the door open a little too quickly; CF gave a yell and tumbled downwards, Lamoo breaking her fall.  
  
"Sorry about that," apologised Lamoo as CF got off her and straightened her hat.  
  
"That's ok," replied CF.  
  
Lamoo grinned and crept over to the sink. "Hex?"  
  
"Sorry, Hex isn't here right now, please leave a message," came the voice from inside the cupboard under the sink.  
  
Lamoo giggled. "Tell Hex to come out now cos we're gonna play pass the parcel soon. Plus there's more food."  
  
Hex threw open the door excitedly and clambered out. "Oh goody," she said happily.  
  
Suddenly there was movement from the direction of the shower. The shower curtain was moving by itself. Hang on a minute, no it wasn't. Mel tossed the curtain over her head and stepped out of the shower. "I want to play pass the parcel!" she said.  
  
Lamoo nodded. "So do I, but I have to find the others," she said. "You three can go and find Merry and Pippin, they're in the fairy floss machine."  
  
"Fairy floss machine?" wondered Hex "why?"  
  
Lamoo shrugged. "Cos they're Merry and Pippin I suppose. Anyway, onwards to Merry and Pippin's room!" Lamoo strode out of the bathroom and into Merry and Pippin's room. The lights were still out so Lamoo said something she shouldn't have when she whacked her knee on the edge of the bunk bed in the darkness.  
  
"Arg, damn this accursed darkness!" she muttered crossly. Then Lamoo heard a snicker from the side of the room. Lamoo clicked her mini flashlight into action, even though that was sort of against the rules, and crept towards the sound.  
  
Loki was squeezed in between the bookshelf and the wall, laughing at Lamoo's idiocy.  
  
Lamoo grinned evilly as an idea came to her. "Loki?" she said quietly. "There's some peppers here for you."  
  
The sentence worked as she'd intended and Loki sprung out of his hiding place and began to look blindly around the dark room for the peppers.  
  
"Aw, turn on the light!" he said. Lamoo obliged and flicked the switch. "Where are my peppers?" asked Loki with his hands on his hips.  
  
Lamoo rummaged around in her pocket and a jar of hot peppers magically appeared. "There you go," she said handing Loki the jar and plonking down on the bed. There was a muffled yell and Lamoo jumped up again when she realised she'd sat on somebody.  
  
"Oh shit, it's you isn't it?" she said miserably to a very annoyed Mr Bean who was squirming his way out of his hiding place.  
  
"You sat on me!" he yelled furiously.  
  
Lamoo shrugged. "So? Get over it! Be thankful it wasn't Legolas."  
  
"What's wrong with Legolas?" asked Nellie from the doorway.  
  
"Nothing, he is perfect." Lamoo replied. "Mr Bean is just odd and hates that elf. I reckon he's jealous. but I'm not going to say that because he'll make my life hell."  
  
Nellie nodded. "Fair enough," she said before disappearing back into the kitchen for some food.  
  
Lamoo left Mr Bean to glare crossly at objects in Merry and Pippin's room while she went to find everyone else.  
  
Banx was a little tangled in the curtains in Legolas's bedroom so she wasn't too hard to find. Several other people were hidden under the bed and they all wriggled out one by one.  
  
"I think that's everyone," said Lamoo. "Now back to the kitchen for food!"  
  
Everyone grinned and followed Lamoo, turning the lights on along the way.  
  
Now that everyone had come out of hiding. This kitchen was jam packed with people.  
  
"People, out of the kitchen please!" bellowed Aragorn at the top of his lungs, trying to be heard over the chatter. With a sigh the ranger climbed up on the kitchen bench. "Everyone, OUT!" he yelled, but it was to no effect. Finally Frodo was forced to grasp a saucepan and a spoon and bang the pan loudly to get everyone's attention. "Thankyou," Aragorn said to Frodo. The hobbit smiled and put away the saucepan. Aragorn turned back to the crowd. "Everyone, please go into the living room, there's not enough room in here!"  
  
People gradually started to file out of the small kitchen and chatter resumed.  
  
"That was very interesting," said a voice from the door. Aragorn looked over and saw two men standing in the doorway. One had long dark hair and a red head bandy bandana sort of thing tied around his head and was wearing a lot of eyeliner, the other had shorter, curly brown hair tied back into a pony tail and was wearing a very large hat with a fluffy feather sticking out of the top.  
  
"You two are a bit late for the party." Aragorn told the one with the hat without looking up from pouring more chips into a bowl. Aragorn then looked up and nearly choked.  
  
Frodo raised his eyebrows further than he thought was possible. "LEGOLAS!!" bellowed the hobbit.  
  
The elf came rushing into the kitchen, thinking something had happened. "What? What did Aragorn do this time?"  
  
"Nothing," replied Aragorn.  
  
"As of yet," Frodo kindly added.  
  
Aragorn sent the hobbit a furious glare but turned to Legolas who had just noticed the two guys standing in the door.  
  
"Who are these two?" asked the elf. "Say, do I know you?" Lego asked the man with the hat, who was also wearing what looked like a cloak that Haldir would wear, red.  
  
The dude with the hat shook his head. "No, you don't know me," he said bluntly.  
  
"Shut up Will," muttered the guy with the eyeliner. "Let me do the talking and don't do anything stupid."  
  
Will and Legolas both raised their eyebrows in the same funny sort of way, causing Aragorn to choke even more.  
  
"This is freaky," commented Arwen, who had joined Aragorn, Frodo, Legolas and the two guests in the kitchen.  
  
The bloke with the eyeliner grinned and walked up to Arwen. "Good evening My Lady," he began. Arwen narrowed her eyes and slapped him. "I don't think I deserved that," the guy with the eyeliner said.  
  
"That was mean Arwen," Lamoo came skipping into the kitchen and scampered up to the guy with the hat.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked.  
  
Lamoo beamed. "I am Lamoo," she began. "Authoress of this tale, supreme ruler of Lamoo Land,"  
  
"Um, right." Said the dude with the eyeliner.  
  
"We don't know her," whispered Frodo. "She just appeared one day and started making out lives hell."  
  
The dude with the eyeliner nodded as if he understood. "How interesting, I know what you mean," he commented.  
  
Legolas suddenly lost his temper. "All right you weirdos, who the hell are you?" he asked.  
  
The dude with the hat looked taken aback. Lamoo rolled her eyes. "Now, now Leggie, don't be rude."  
  
The guy with the eyeliner spoke up. "Well, I am Smith, or Smith," he said.  
  
The man with the hat suddenly burst out laughing at these words. Lamoo sighed and shook her head. "Come on Jack, be nice, Leggie's already pretty confused as is, just tell the truth,"  
  
"Confused?" muttered Aragorn. "Drunk more likely,"  
  
"Drunk?" spoke up Jack. "Drunk on what? Rum perhaps?"  
  
Lamoo shook her head. "No, actually just beer and whiskey. Now get on with it and tell my elf who you are,"  
  
Jack nodded. "Fine then, I am Captain Jack Sparrow," he said. "And you," he added, pointed to Legolas, "Blondie, look very familiar,"  
  
Lamoo suddenly giggled as Legolas caught sight of himself in the mirror on the wall to the right of the dude with the hat. Legolas looked at his reflection then back at the guy with the hat. Then he fainted.  
  
"Wuss," muttered Sam who had joined them. Lamoo scowled and clouted Sam over the back of the head.  
  
The guy with the hat didn't faint but was looking rather pale. "I don't think he knows who I am," he commented.  
  
"Neither do we," added Frodo. "Who are you? Legolas's cousin or something?"  
  
The guy with the hat shook his head, whacking Jack in the face with the feather on his hat. "No, not that I know of." He said. "I'm William Turner."  
  
Unfortunately for Will he said those words a little too loud, all the girls in the living room some how heard. They all came rushing into the kitchen, almost trampling Legolas, who was still out cold on the floor.  
  
Will and Jack jumped in fright and reached for their swords. "We only wanted some rum!" wailed Jack.  
  
"You mean you wanted some rum," muttered Will.  
  
"Don't bother everyone with minor details, who are all these people?" Jack said.  
  
Lamoo stepped froward after hauling Leggie to the side so he wouldn't get waked on, and cleared her throat. "Well," Lamoo began, "I am Lamoo, that's Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Arwen, Legolas is under the table," she said, pointing to each person. "And these two are Elrohir and Elladan, and that dude over there is Elrond."  
  
Elrohir and Elladan waved. "Say, are you Legolas's cousin or something?" asked Elladan.  
  
Will shook his head. "For the second time, no."  
  
Elrohir smiled. "Sorry, you just look al lot like him, apart from the fact that you're not blonde, or blue eyed, or an elf, or a teabag,"  
  
"So that's what he is," commented someone.  
  
Elrohir continued. "He's also a little taller and doesn't have icky stuff all over his face,"  
  
"Icky stuff?" Will wanted to know.  
  
"Yea," replied Elrohir, "that stuff on your lip and chin, you need to wash your face. You there, guy with the eyeliner, your face is even dirtier"  
  
Both Jack and Will looked confused.  
  
Aragorn laughed and rolled his eyes. "Stupid elf's talking about your manly stubble,"  
  
"Um, ok then," remarked Will, backing away from Elrohir a little.  
  
"Don't mind them," added Lamoo, pushing Elrohir and Elladan back into the crowd. "They're elves, only place they've ever seen the faintest trace of facial hair was on Aragorn or Santa Claus." Elrohir and Elladan began whispering things to each other, pointing out something else about Will or Jack's looks that were different. "Anyway," continued Lamoo. "Those four over there are Hex, Mel, CF and Anelith," all four waved. "That's Laura and Saturndragon, Holly and elf girl," Laura was gazing longingly at Jack and Will, drooling a little. Saturndragon was fidgeting with the tail of her Pikachu costume, Holly was busy trying to find her 'I Love Will Turner' Badge and Elf girl had fainted. "That wasn't supposed to happen, just giver her a kiss and she'll wake up."  
  
"Go ahead Will, kiss her" said Jack, pushing his younger buddy towards the fainted Elf girl.  
  
Will shook his head. "I cant! What would Miss Swan think?"  
  
"Will you call her Liz already?!" yelled Jack. "This Miss Swan crud is annoying me to no end. And I don't care what you think." Jack pointed to elf girl, "Besides, she might bite,"  
  
"Don't worry, if she does, just smack over the head and send her to her room," replied Lamoo.  
  
"Her room?" pondered Pippin. "But she doesn't live here!"  
  
"Be quiet Pippin, I want to see what happens!" ordered Merry.  
  
Lamoo sighed. "Well, if neither of you two are going to kiss her now, someone put her under the table with Legolas, she should smell his hair right away and wake up,"  
  
Nellie and Ainsley grabbed a hold of Elf Girl's feet and dragged her under the table next to the elf, who was still out cold. Elf girl smiled and snuggled up to Legolas's hair.  
  
"That was completely unnecessary," commented a voice from the back of the crowd. Mr Bean pushed his way forward.  
  
Lamoo rolled her eyes. "And this guys, is the wonderful Mr Bean," she said in a sarcastic tone. "He doesn't like Orlando Bloom much, or Legolas for that matter, so Will, don't expect him to be too nice to you."  
  
"Thanks for the warning," replied Will, swallowing hard and gripping the hilt of his sword so tight his knuckles went white.  
  
"Be quiet Lauren," said Mr Bean. "Who do you think you two are?" he asked.  
  
"Oh yes, in bloody Australia POTC hasn't been released yet, so anyone here from Australia basically knows nothing about your lives, who you are or what your names are." Lamoo said to Will and Jack who were getting more nervous by the minute.  
  
"WAIT FOR US!!!" yelled two voices. Two girls climbed in through the window, both dressed in much the same manner as Will and Jack. Marissa grinned and straightened her hat while Aelimir stood triumphantly, sword out of its sheathe, waving it around.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ hehe, that was very, very weird, but I hoped you all liked our two wonderful pirates. Guys, please let me know if I said I'd do something and then didn't. I really appreciate people telling me, helps me get back on track. So if you notice I said something, like something I'd get a character to do or something, then didn't end up writing about it, please, PLEASE let me know.  
  
Anywho, time for reviews now. Was going to do them at the beginning, but I was too impatient to answer all of them when I had ideas for the story. Sorry that chapter was rather dry, I am never again going to do things in this fic with lots of people, it just doesn't work.  
  
Anywho, thanks for reviewing, here are your replies. 


	17. he broke my sword!

AN/ so, so, so sorry everyone for not updating at all lately. Our stupid computer is still chucking a spaz after having the blaster virus as well as several others on it. It's been really hard to get Microsoft word working so I can write, but absolute hell trying to get the Internet connected. Anyway, I'm very sorry for leaving you all hanging for so long. And because I'm so sorry, you all get two chapters this time. Sorry, I can't reply to reviews now. I can't get online for very long. Only really enough to upload chapters. Nothing else will seem to load and I can't get into my email.  
  
Ok, enough blabbering. Boring disclaimer today, I don't own any of Tolkien's stuff; I don't own POTC nor Jack Sparrow or Will Turner. All respective reviewers own themselves and the only things in this fic I own are the idea, the fairy floss machine and myself.  
  
Oki doki, again sorry for the wait. Enjoy this chapter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Previously in the Fellowship and the Elf Next Door, Lamoo caused utter terror, as usual, two mysterious pirates appeared with their accomplices and Legolas was out cold again on the kitchen floor.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What did we miss?" Marissa wanted to know.  
  
"Yea," added Aelimir, "is there any food left?"  
  
Lamoo shrugged and glanced at Aragorn, who opened the fridge door and peered inside. "Not much," he remarked. "Got some fish here though." Aragorn moved assorted bottles of sauce and jars of pickles and pulled out a platter laden with slimy, rotting fish.  
  
"Ohh goods, precious, theys is eating out fish. Yes they are precious," spoke up Smeagol, obviously delighted that his fish were being put to good use.  
  
Marissa took one look at the fish and wrinkled her nose. "Yuck," she said. "How old exactly are they?"  
  
Gollum beamed. "Why, theys is fresh precious." He said with a toothy smile. "Only three weekses old. Why does she want to know precious? Why does she want to know?"  
  
Marissa frowned. "Erm, no reason." She replied. "Just curious."  
  
"Anything else in there?" asked Pippin, who was standing on his tiptoes to reach the jar of pickles on the top shelf inside the fridge.  
  
"Don't think so," answered Gandalf, who was peering inside looking for something that might be edible.  
  
Suddenly one of the slimy fish splattered against the wall, slightly to the left of Frodo's head.  
  
"Food fight!" someone yelled. There was a great clamour to get into the kitchen to grab items of food to throw at other people. Will and Jack, while everyone else was throwing food, were looking for the rum.  
  
"Quick, in here," Jack whispered to Will and the pair of them crept out into the living room. There was a large sideboard and both guys were sure there was alcohol in it. Will removed his ridiculous hat and tried to wrench open the door.  
  
"Damn it, stuck!" he proclaimed with a sigh.  
  
Jack grinned. "How interesting." He said. "But don't despair, I have an idea,"  
  
"Oh no," muttered Will.  
  
Jack scowled. "Do you want the grog or not?" he asked.  
  
Will sighed. "It was your idea to come in here. But yes, the way things are going, I'd like to be completely drunk before the end of this night." He said.  
  
"Very well," replied Jack. "Hand me your sword." Will obliged and handed Jack his blade. Jack thrust the blade through the crash in the door and tried to wrench the door open. But it was to no avail. Will suddenly gave a cry as the sword snapped, as easily as if it were made of plastic.  
  
"You broke my sword!" wailed Will.  
  
Jack shrugged. "You were the one who made it." He answered. "It was not my fault it was complete crap! Wonderful blacksmith you are huh?" Jack dumped the broken blade on his buddy's lap and reached for his own scimitar. "Now, my sword is decent, it won't break. Watch this." Jack then thrust his own sword into the gab in which Will's had been and jiggled the blade. To no one's surprise, it snapped and Jack launched into a violent, swearing fit. He cursed and yelled and screamed in frustration. With all the commotion, everyone suddenly came out of the kitchen to see what was going on.  
  
"What the hell is going on here?" Legolas asked, having recovered from his unconscious moment. "What the hell are you two doing?"  
  
Jack gave a little giggle and launched into an explanation. It was obvious that Legolas was angry and he scared Jack. Will shook his head and strode over to where Jack was hopping around, trying to tell Legolas that little green rabbits had beamed down from their space ship and possessed Will into sticking his sword into the sideboard.  
  
"Shut up, and don't do anything stupid," Will muttered to Jack and then launched into his own explanation. It was incredibly apparent that Legolas did not believe what Will was telling him either. "I'm telling you, Jack is really an evil vacuum cleaner who is plotting to take over the world!"  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes. "Yea, and I'm Frodo Baggins. And you, you can be Steve Irwin!"  
  
"Who?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"Weird Australian dude who likes to play with crocodiles," Replied Lamoo. "He is seriously strange. Especially all his 'Crikey' business."  
  
Gimli suddenly spoke up. "How about we forget all this and play pass the parcel?"  
  
A few people groaned and decided to find something else to do and the rest sat down in a big circle on the floor while Lamoo and Nellie made a package magically appear.  
  
While they were doing that, Elrohir and Elladan decided they didn't like anyone else playing pranks on other people, as Ainsley and Nellie had done. They were supposed to be the prank masters in Middle Earth! The pair decided they would make so much trouble, no one would ever forget this party. But first, they needed some accomplices.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TBC  
  
AN/ yes, short I know, but now I get to write another one. Sorry, nothing specific for anyone at the party until I can get online and read the reviews so I can remember what I have to do.  
  
Don't forget to review cos when I can get online to read em, they make the fifteen failed attempts at connecting worthwhile.  
  
Until next chappie, Happy reading, Love Lamoo 


	18. Party bags, pirates and the ending

AN/ ok. New chapter. Sorry that I haven't been replying to reviews lately. I have either been way too busy to even think about writing fanfiction, let alone actually doing it. Other times stupid ff.net wouldn't net me view my reviews. And I stupidly delete all the ones in my hotmail inbox. Quite daft aren't I? Anyway, to make up for that, I will reply to all those reviews now. Then write you all a nice long chapter. The last one was very sad. Very short. pathetic! Oh yes, bI SAW PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!!!!!!!/b Yay!  
  
Ok, here we go. this could take a while. If I leave anyone out remind me I owe you a million 'I'm sorry's.  
  
bAndboriel Swann:/b ah, yes, Will AND Legolas. Interesting combination aren't they? I happen to like then both A LOT, and couldn't resist having them both in this fic. Hmm, if I get too insane might think about putting Joe Byrne and Todd Blackburn in here too. Hmm, maybe not. Thankyou so much for the review.  
  
bWhite tiger:/b POTC, yay, ive seen it! Aw, isn't it amazing? Silly question really. Veddy veddy good it was. *drool*. I wish 'miss swann' would fall of that cliff thing again.. But that's just me. Thanks for the review, enjoy this chappie.  
  
bKawaii Elf Girl:/b what have you been feeding that Kougra? Sugar? Hmm, sugar. *drool* anywho, will be sure to get Will AND Jack new swords, possibly made out of sugar. just like everything else! Yay! And Mr Bean, yes, I don't think he's too pleased with me at the moment, hehe, but I think he's funny. No killing in this fic. well, unless anyone wants to kill my sister. but yes, both he and Boromir do tend to drive us all crazy at times.  
  
bAelimir:/b sorry I didn't reply to your reviews till now. Anyway, thanks heaps for pointing out that I WAY over did it in ch 14. I do agree with you. Thankyou, always wonderful to hear honest comments. And I'm glad you liked your appearance. It was rather short, but don't worry, there will be more. ( I loved the idea, and couldn't resist using it, thanks for that as well. Anywhoosies, thankyou again and enjoy this chappie.  
  
bLotRseer3350:/b u want to do something evil? Hmm, I think that can be arranged. have to decide whether it be with out two fav pirates, or Elrohir and Elladan. Here is your somewhat dry update, sorry for the wait. Speaking if updating, UPDATE YOUR FIC!!! Arg! Must read! Lemme know when u write your POTC fic! Ah yes, I will email you telling you how to play 500. Internet has been spazo so I haven't been online really in yonks. *Makes a mental note to email LotRseer3350*  
  
bMysti:/b thankyou for the review. Pikachu? Was Saturndragon's idea, not mine. But Pika is rather cute, not that I'd ever actually admit that to my friends. Hehe. Enjoy this chappie! PIKACHU!  
  
bLegolas Stalker:/b *sniff* yes, it was too short wasn't it? And really bad as well. hmm, not good combination. *shudder* anyway. You're back at school? Hmm, how fun. Well, hehe, I only have 3 more weeks of school until holidays! Yay! And sleeping in. ahhh, and LOTR, ahhh, and POTC!!!!! WHOOO! That comes out in four days! Tee hee! Can't wait. Give Mark the spatula a hug for me and watch out for his cameo in this chappie! Heee. Sorry I have to take Will back now, but you can borrow him again after this chapter!  
  
bInweofnargothrond/b Steve Irwin? Cool? *Pukes* no way dude. He is such a wanker. The twins on the other hand, are almost as wonderful as Leggy, love em! Peter Jackson had better make em look good in ROTK or I'll be writing some very angry letters. Hehe. And the pasta. *sigh* poor stupid Sam. What he doesn't realise is that the pasta is secretly trying to take over the world! Mwa haa haa. ahem, too much sugar. Sorry. Sugar, and fairy floss machines. Oh I love em. Bit sticky tho. Ned Kelly is really good, but really sad. Frankly, I'd rather have POTC, which is have seen finally!! U don't like Arwen either? Oh good. She stole Glorfy's horse. *sniff*. ooh, maybe Glorfy can get his revenge this chappie? You've never played pass the parcel? Well, it's just basically a thingo prize thing, wrapped up in paper or something, with even more layers of paper round it. In each layer there's a little prize thingo. Its kind of a baby game, u sit in a circle and someone plays some music. U pass the parcel around, hence the name, and when the music stops u get to open the first layer, etcetera etcetera. Hope I did an ok job explaining that, never actually had to before. And no, Boromir did NOT die. Gimli, Aragorn and Leggie just chucked him over a waterfall when he was still alive and Boromir got some very quick swimming lessons. Enjoy this chappie,  
  
bPaladin Dragoon:/b yes, 2 chappies. Rather bad ones at that, so I apologise for that. Anyway, tell CF she's welcome, I don't mine breaking her fall. Ooh, cake, I knew I was forgetting something! What kinda cake I wonder? Hmm, must be a surprise. Hope this chappie passes your inspection, lol.  
  
bLuna-Lovegoood Fan:/b what WILL Elrohir and Elladan do I wonder? Hmm, something evil most likely. Hehe. Thankies a bazzilion times for the reviews.  
  
bElfitchick:/b back, yes I am! And a brand new chapie fresh from my highly overactive, sugar-induced imagination! Yay! Leggie and Will, love them don't we? And how could anyone have Will without CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow!? And Merry and Pippin, what WILL (hehe, Will, hehe) we do with them? Apart from hosing them down to get rid of all the sugar. In answer of your question, in real life I cant even fit under my bed, but in this fic, I can make someone fit into a matchbox. Hehe, bit painful perhaps.  
  
bDragonJivi:/b yup! : LOTR chocolate! For the LOTR obsessed teenage girl in all of us! Whooo! But hey, stay in the US, YOU GUYS GET POTC!!! Wahhhhhh! Hope you like this chappie, should be better than the last horribly bad ones.  
  
bMarissa03:/b am so sorry to say that this fic is nearly finished. But here is one more chapter just for you. Thankyou for your lovely reviews and I'm sorry you didn't get a very big part. But if you like your spot is reserved for the sequel.  
  
bLolly/b: will and Lego, *drool* how can anyone resist em? Ah yes, just one little problem with your cameo appearance. I am seriously intending on ending this fic with this chapter. but never fear, there WILL (hehe, Will, hehe) be a sequel, you're welcome to have your cameo there. Thankies a million times for your reviews.  
  
bRobyn the pirate!!! /b: I love your idea, but this is the last chapter of this fic. You're welcome to meet out lovely guys in the sequel. And tell your buddy the aardvark that he is one seriously cool dude. And I know exactly how you feel, I want to be a pirate too! Wah, elf. pirate. *drool* ok, I'm ok. Anyway, thankies for the review.  
  
bSaturndragon:/b arg! I knew all this would blow up in my face. I am so sorry, there will not be very much evil, I am out of evil ideas. also this is the last chapter. wah, lets all have a cry. ok, much better. Anyway, ballet next for the boys, how's Jack in a tutu? Hehe. Thankyou for being a wonderful DJ and reviewer.  
  
bMr Bean:/b ah, Beanie. there is not much point in me telling you this another million times, but thankyou thankyou thankyou for being such a wonderful reviewer and reader, as well as a buddy who gives me evil ideas as to what to do to Frodo and doesn't mind when every girl at the party gets all pissy at you. Thankyou yay, thankyou a million times. As for the computer games. what does that have to do with Elf Girl's banishing gun? Hmm. anyway, don't worry, you wont get banished. yet. Mwa haa haa. Interested in coming with the fellowship to the ballet? Hehe. Hmm, I wonder what your answer will be? And just for the records, Mandy Moore is a real person and sometimes I do think you're jealous of Legolas. but I will not tell you that to your face ever again. Mwaa haa haa. And what's wrong with calling me Aury? I'm not too bothered by it. MANDY MOORE IS AREAL PERSON!! Ok, I'm done. Last chapter this is, I hope you enjoy it, you get to point out that Will can be an idiot at times. Oh, btw, did you like POTC? Hmm? Told you so.  
  
bAngel 110:/b arg, damn computer, evil aren't they? Ours broke for a while and I was alone with my evil imagination without being able to write anything down. Don't worry, you didn't miss much.and I love the movie idea. but I think its been done heaps. How about the ballet? You can smooch Haldir there. just watch out for my sister, she is determined to get Haldir for herself. Hehe. Glad to know you're still around.  
  
bXHellsFireX/b: erm, I wouldn't have used quite those words, but I'm pleased you think so. Hehe. Thankyou for taking the time to read this wasted bit of Internet space. Hope this chappie is good enough. though I somehow doubt it.  
  
bHex of the Unseelie: /b yay, you are still around. Haven't been updating. well, I cant talk much either. Hehe. Yes, poor Bory, go Leggie. Hehe. Very pleased to have one of my fav authors writing all this wonderful stuff about my fics. Thankyou hex, you rock! Ah, just one more thing, not too much evil, cos I'm actually ending this fic. yes I know, me, ending a fic. weird huh? Thankyou for being an awesome reviewer as well as writing all those Fab fics to keep me entertained.  
  
bHan/b: I cant remember whether I replied to this review or not. Oh well, I'll just do it again. Hehe. Pleased you liked the last chappie a bit better. I too know someone who eats raw pasta *shudder* my evil sister. *shudder* hehe, bit weird really. Anyway, thankies for taking the time to read this crummy fic, hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.  
  
bOddwen/b: hmm, I think I may have replied to this as well. The hat. *sighs* its so cute.. thankies for the reviews, you rock!  
  
Well, that's it, all the reviews.s  
  
iThanks a bazillion guys. The total review count now stands at about 278. Aiming for 300 now. Wish me luck!/i  
  
bDisclaimer:/b I don't own anything in this fic except myself, the fairy floss machine and that pair of socks that Aragorn is wearing that belong to me. All respective reviewers own themselves and currently Legolas Stalker aka Laura has taken Will Turner hostage so he can in no way belong to me at this current time. Jack Sparrow is stuck on an island and is unavailable for me to claim ownership upon. Legolas is glad he does not belong to me for I would not hesitate to huggle him to death. Aragorn smells kinda bad so I don't particularly want to own him, and the hobbits own themselves. Quite glad I don't for they would eat all my precious sugar. Gimli used to belong to me until I tried to get information on Legolas's whereabouts from him. He ran away. Gandalf is freaky and doesn't even own a clean pair of underpants, let alone himself. As anyone can see, I don't own a bloody thing here.  
  
Another AN/ this fanfiction will end after the party. I'm sorry to say, which is nearly finished. But don't despair loyal readers, there will be an even crazier sequel!!  
  
Alright, on with the story. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
bHere is chapter 18; I think its chapter 18 anyway./b  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Previously in I'The Fellowship and the Elf Next Door',/I Jack and Will announced to the world that they are crap at making excuses, we discovered that Lamoo doesn't like Steve Irwin and a magical parcel appeared for the magical game of pass the parcel.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Did you know blu-tak tastes like chicken?" remarked Elladan thoughtfully.  
  
"No, I didn't know that," replied Elrohir. "But I know for a fact that if we pull this off we'll be the greatest pranksters of all time."  
  
"What? What are you talking about?" the other twin wanted to know.  
  
Elrohir groaned and rolled his eyes. "You know, the plan? Do you remember?"  
  
Elladan shook his head. "Nope, not a thing" he said happily.  
  
Elrohir gave an exasperated sigh and cuffed his twin over the head. "Ow, that hurt," complained Elladan.  
  
Elrohir smirked. "That was the idea." He said. "Anyway, now that you remember, go and find the mousetraps, the fire crackers and the pipe- cleaners and I'll rig us up some accomplices."  
  
"Ok then," replied Elladan as he turned to skip off in search of mousetraps, pipe cleaners and firecrackers, still completely oblivious to the full extent of his brother's scheme.  
  
Elrohir approached a group of people gathered to the side of the room. "Hello ladies," he said in his most seductive tone.  
  
"Hiya Elladan," replied Anelith.  
  
The elf rolled his eyes. "I'm Elrohir," he answered  
  
Anelith giggled. "Oh yea, sorry." She said.  
  
"How would you girls like to play a game?" asked Elrohir  
  
"Game? What kind of game?" Saturndragon asked. "Sounds fun,"  
  
"Oh yes, very fun." Remarked the elf evilly. "You all will enjoy it very much,"  
  
"How do you play?" asked Anya.  
  
Hex and Anya were also standing to the side, watching pass the parcel. Anya had been put in charge of stoping the cd every now and again but seemed to be neglecting her duty, very bored of it. So the parcel was just going around and around and around a few more million times before anyone actually realised the music wasn't showing any signs of stopping. It was really only Marissa who did. Everyone in the circle was either totally pissed, asleep, in between the two or having a wonderful time passing the wrapped newspaper present around the circle. Marissa sighed and got up and wandered over to the group.  
  
"Pass the parcel is boring," muttered Marissa  
  
"I know," she replied. "But I think Loki's enjoying it," everyone laughed as Loki squealed in delight as he received the parcel for the seventy fourth time. Poor Loki sighed sadly when he had to pass it on again.  
  
Meanwhile Anya was blabbering on and on "Anyway, you know that bit in TTT, when Frodo and Sam are captured in Ithilien, Frodo's shirt opens a little bit and you can see his chest, hehehehehehehehe."  
  
"Have you had some of that brandy Elrond brought?" asked Mel. "Or the rum?"  
  
"Where's the rum?!" yelled two muffled voices from inside the closet.  
  
Hex raised her eyebrows and went over to investigate the contents of the closet. She had to move the couch from in front of the door to eventually wrench it open. As soon as the door gave way, two scruffy pirates came tumbling out.  
  
"Rum, *hiccup* must have rum!" wailed Jack reaching into his pocket for more mascara.  
  
"That joke is so old," commented Lamoo from the pass the parcel circle. The music still hadn't stopped but no one else seemed to have noticed.  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Will in a sad tone taking off his hat and trying to straighten the feather.  
  
"Every time you two do something or say something, it has something to do with booze." Remarked Lamoo. Will looked hurt.  
  
"Um, what were you two doing in the closest?" Marissa wanted to know.  
  
"I *hiccup* don't know," replied Jack. "We *hiccup* just ended up in there *hiccup*"  
  
"Riiiiiiight," mumbled Hex.  
  
Will shook his head. "Nuh uh, HE put us in there," Will pointed to Mr Bean, who was standing by the table with the drinks on it whistling innocently. "He came up to us and started yelling about how stupid this guy called Borlando Oom was."  
  
"I think you mean Orlando Bloom," Anelith corrected him.  
  
'Yea Orlando Bloom, that's it." Remarked Will vaguely. "Don't even know who this dude is. And still that guy over there stuck us in the cupboard!"  
  
"Yay?" Lamoo said.  
  
Mr Bean looked her direction. "Yes Aury?" he asked innocently.  
  
Lamoo frowned. "Why the hell did you stuff these two in the cupboard?"  
  
"What makes you think I did?" Mr Bean wanted to know.  
  
Lamoo groaned. "Because you hate Orlando Bloom in all his various forms, you hate Legolas, and have now discovered, that seeing as how Will looks like wonderful Orli, that you don't like him either,"  
  
"You are good." Mr Bean admitted. "Fine, so what if I put those two ghastly pirates in the closest? They deserved it!"  
  
"Oh, I don't think all the girls here would like to hear you say that," the authoress said in a singsong voice. The girls standing with the pirates glared at Mr Bean  
  
Mr Bean winced. "ok, ok, just don't say that I did, they'll maul me!"  
  
Lamoo cackled "I know." She replied. "but as long as Will and Jack are ok," she looked around, the pirates were gone. "hmm, wonder where they went." Lamoo wondered. "well I'm going to check what time it is, these people have been here all night." Lamoo said to Mr Bean who shrugged and wandered over to talk to Aragorn.  
  
Lamoo linked arms with Nellie and Ainsley who were standing innocently to the side of the room trying to look as guiltless as possible, and the three of them staggered into the kitchen to see what the time was.  
  
"eh?" mumbled Aimoo as she saw that the clock said 177: 30 pm.  
  
Lamoo shook her head, "it's ok, its only 177:30. party ends in an hour and a bit."  
  
Nellie and Ainsley sighed in relief, they still had a lot of evil pranks to play.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
By now the pass the parcel circle consisted of two whole people. Everyone else had either gotten bored of it or fallen asleep. The only two remaining were Pippin and Loki. Merry would have joined in, but he was asleep.  
  
"Hey Loki," spoke up Pip the fairy. "You know what?"  
  
"What?" asked Loki as he passed the parcel back to the hobbit.  
  
Pippin giggled. "Merry is asleep."  
  
Loki rolled his eyes. "Aren't you Mr observant, huh?"  
  
Pippin beamed proudly, convinced tis was a complement.  
  
"You know what?" asked Pippin again  
  
"What?" replied Loki, slightly irritated.  
  
Pippin paused. Then he spoke. "I forget,"  
  
Loki shook his head and passed the parcel again.  
  
"Oh, I remember," piped up the hobbit. "Guess what,"  
  
"What?" asked Loki for the final time in an annoyed tone of voice.  
  
Pippin giggled. "I'm bored." The hobbit declared.  
  
Suddenly the music stopped and Loki got landed with the prize. "Ha! I win!" he said to Pippin, who looked defeated. Loki ripped open the parcel and inspected its contents. How lovely, a pink floral photo frame, chosen by Sam most likely.  
  
"Oh, what a pretty fame," commented Pippin. Loki only glared and stood up to get some food.  
  
"Shut up Pippin," he said. "Shut up."  
  
Pippin grinned, "I can do that," he said proudly and shut his mouth.  
  
Suddenly a spatula hit Pippin in the back of the head. "Ow!" complained the hobbit. He picked up the spatula from the ground and examined it. It had a pair of eyes, a mouth and a funny little moustache on its 'face'. Pippin shook the spatula. "Hey Frodo, I like your costume," he said to the spatula.  
  
"Why thankyou Pippin," replied Frodo from across the room, busy flirting with Smeagol, both of them as drunk as it gets.  
  
Then there was a scream from the kitchen. Everyone rushed in and there on the floor were sprawled two elves and two pirates. Legolas and Elladan were lying in very uncomfortable positions underneath Will and Jack, who seemed to be making the most of lying on the elves.  
  
"Hmm, cushy," commented Jack, bouncing up and down on Legolas's back. The elf grunted in pain.  
  
All over the floor were hundreds and thousands of marbles. Big ones, little ones, glass ones, crappy plasticish ones and ones that looked like they had been stuck in Aragorn's belly button for a few years.  
  
"Free marbles!" bellowed Laura as she picked up a handful and threw them at Elrond.  
  
Elf girl and Cotume picked out the pretty glass marbles and took them outside to see if they would float.  
  
"What are you doing?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"Seeing if marbles float," replied Cotume matter-of-factly  
  
Aragorn raised his eyebrows. "What floats in water?" he asked.  
  
"Bread," replied Elf girl  
  
"Apples" added Cotume  
  
"Small rocks,"  
  
"Lead,"  
  
"A duck," yelled someone from across the room.  
  
Aragorn put on his stupid accent and replied, "why yes, a duck."  
  
Ainsley shook her head in despair. "She sees Monty python and the Holy Grail twice and she puts bits of it in her fanfiction? Please excuse my sister, she is disturbed."  
  
Aragorn gave Ainsley a kick and continued. "Hooow dooo yoo knoooo sooo much abooot swaloooows?" he asked,  
  
"Who was talking about swallows?" asked Aelimir "African or European?"  
  
Aragorn shrugged. "I just like that line," he replied, speaking in his normal accent now.  
  
"Now," remarked Lamoo. "Are we finished quoting lines from Monty python?"  
  
"Yes Lamoo," replied the whole party in unison.  
  
Lamoo grinned. "Oh it is so wonderful being an author," she mused. "Now, I think its time we ate the cake."  
  
"Since when have we had cake?" Hex asked.  
  
"Since Mel made one appear," replied Lamoo. "Its in Legolas's wardrobe."  
  
Legolas couldn't help but wonder why. "Why my wardrobe?" he asked once Jack had gotten off him.  
  
"Because if it was in the fridge, the hobbits would eat it." Replied Lamoo  
  
So Lamoo ventured off to get the cake and came back with a massive purple cake with green icing.  
  
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthd." began Will before he was cut off by Mr Bean.  
  
"Shut up you git," Mr Bean said. "It's nobody's birthday,"  
  
Laura sniffed sadly and hugged the spatula that Pippin had mistaken for Frodo. "It's ok Mark," she said tenderly to the piece of cooking paraphernalia. "We'll have a birthday party for you when we get home. In fact, we're going now I think."  
  
"Have some cake," replied Aragorn, handing Laura two pieces of cake wrapped up in pink serviettes.  
  
"Thanks," answered Laura. "Thankyou for inviting me," she said politely before turning and leaving.  
  
"What's the time?" asked Glorfindel.  
  
Lamoo glanced up at the clock. "178:45pm" she said.  
  
"Whoa, Nellie and me should really be going now." replied the elf.  
  
Nellie frowned sadly. "I'm not going, just five more minutes?"  
  
"No, now." muttered Glorfy.  
  
Nellie burst into tears. "No no no no no no! I don't want to go home!" she wailed. In the elf Legolas lent Glorfindel his tranquilliser gun and Nellie was out cold and slumped over Glorfy's shoulder.  
  
"Bye bye," Lamoo called to Glorfindel and Nellie.  
  
Suddenly Sam and Gandalf ran up. "You forgot your party bags!" he yelled. Glorfindel retreated quickly and was handed two loot bags crammed with things. The elf inspected the contents and munched on a carrot, which Legolas had demanded be included.  
  
People soon started to leave, with their party bags and bits of cake.  
  
By now the only people left were Lamoo, her sister, the fellowship, Hex and Anya. Oh yes, and Aelimir and Marissa and the pirates.  
  
Elladan and Elrohir had been forced out of the house with Aragorn's sword at their throats. It was not at all surprising that Legolas was the one holding the sword.  
  
"That was a cool party," spoke up Will before ending with a loud belch.  
  
"You two didn't even get to come to the whole thing!" replied Hex with a yawn.  
  
"We saw most of it," said Jack. "Our ship is docked at the edge of the pool."  
  
"Where exactly do you sail then?" asked Gimli.  
  
Jack smiled. "All around the ocean."  
  
"He means the pool," added Will helpfully. "Its pretty scary at times."  
  
Jack suddenly broke down in tears. "The mosquitoes!" he wailed. "They are merciless."  
  
Marissa patted Jack sympathetically on the back. "Its ok Jack, Aelimir got some aerogard, remember?"  
  
"What's aerogard?" asked Anya.  
  
"Bug repellent." Answered Lamoo.  
  
"Well," said Will standing up. "I think we should be going and saving Miss Swann now."  
  
"You love the woman and you still call her Miss Swann," muttered Legolas.  
  
"Sometimes he calls her filthy little bitch," commented Jack. "But that's only when she has PMS and pisses him off by flirting with Commodore Norington."  
  
"Ah, I see," replied Legolas. "And yes, you should be going." He added, beginning to shoo the pirates out of the house.  
  
"Wait," spoke up Marissa. She handed Legolas an envelope. "Open it later."  
  
"It had so better not be a love letter," muttered the elf.  
  
Marissa shook her head. "Nah, its tickets to the ballet, opening night too!" she said,  
  
"Cool," muttered Legolas half-heartedly. "Bye bye then," he said and shoed the pirates, Aelimir and Marissa out the door. "Sorry no evil doing tonight." The elf said to Hex and Anya, who's shoulders droops when the elf told them.  
  
"Ok, bye then." Anya said, giving Frodo and the other hobbits a hug before she left.  
  
"Bye bye Annie," replied Pippin with a wave.  
  
Hex gave Legolas a hug, which he did not object too much to, and left behind Anya.  
  
"Now that only leaves you two." Said Aragorn, turning on Lamoo and Ainsley.  
  
Ainsley glanced around nervously. "Um, ok, we'll just be going now ok?" she said before pulling Lamoo out the door. But not before Lamoo managed to get hug from Legolas, Aragorn and Merry and Pippin.  
  
"Bye bye, see you next fanfiction!" yelled Lamoo.  
  
The door slammed shut and the fellowship collapsed onto couches.  
  
"I am so glad that's over," commented Aragorn, whose chicken costume had fallen to bits.  
  
Legolas nodded in agreement. "Tell me about it." He replied. "Stupid Girls, and that mean old Mr Bean."  
  
"Speaking of Beans, where did Boromir go? And Haldir for that matter?" asked Frodo.  
  
"Who cares," said Legolas. "Now we're all going to the ballet, we can find them in the morning."  
  
So with that the fellowship trudged off the bed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Aragorn, for once in his life, was desperate for a shower. All the girls germs, *shudder*. The ranger dug through his drawers looking for some clean knickers and his PJs.  
  
"Where the hell have all my undies gone?" he wondered. What the ranger did not know what that every pair of underwear in the household had been stolen, placed in a massive ice cream container filled with water, and put in the freezer. All the underwear in the house was now a giant undies ice cube.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Elladan was driving the car home with his brother beside him and sister and father passed out in the back seat. "Do you think they'll find the ice cube?" he asked. "It was a good thing we had all those accomplices."  
  
"Yea," chucked Elrohir.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~  
  
Legolas eased his tired body into bed and his eyes drooped closed almost at once.. They were going to the ballet.  
  
The elf sat bolt upright in bed all of a sudden.  
  
"What if Lamoo decides to come?" he asked himself..  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
THE END  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
AN/ how sad I am to write those two little words. Funny, ive never actually finished a fanfiction before. Sorry I had to end it. but don't despair, coming soon, 'The fellowship and the elf next door, adventures continue.'  
  
Thankyou a billion times loyal readers and reviewers. All I want for this fic is to get 300 reviews. All that means is you guys sending me 25 little reviews. That would be much appreciated.  
  
So now this fic is officially finished. I hope you all enjoyed it!  
  
So, until next fanfiction  
  
Uuma quena en'mani lle ume ri'mani lle umaya. Uma ta ar'lava ta quena ten'irste'. * Love Lamoo  
  
Please R&R  
  
*Translation: Don't talk about what you have done or what you are going to do. Do it and let it speak for itself. 


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